The Carrie Conundrum: Fat Girl Slim

I had a conversation on Thursday that is plaguing me. I can't stop thinking about it. It's driving me MAD. 

I don't know why I can't let go of this, exactly. Maybe it's because I'm shocked. Or maybe it's because I feel naive. I don't know. Now, I'm making this sound more serious than it is, but still, it's quite hurtful to me... so let's just dive in to it.

I went out to dinner with three of my best girlfriends: all old coworkers, all grew up in SoCal. We got to talking about Carrie Underwood for some reason -- the patron Saint of my heart -- and talked about how beautiful she was, how great her legs were, and so on. OH. Now I remember: I was going to talk about how I've been handling the negative Youtube comments that come with my job. I've been told not to read them plenty of times, but given my goal in life is to get people to "know" me, I frequently have to read comments and respond, you know, to get a good rapport going. Anyway, the nasty comments don't sting me as bad anymore. I think of it this way: people have probably said things like that about me before -- behind my back -- but now it's easier  to see them because people can hide behind computers and tell me I look weird or that they need a new host without any consequences. Granted, for every negative comment, there are two positive ones, which is nice. But still. You tend to focus on things people find wrong with you because, let's face it, everyone wants to be amazing at what they do. At least I do.

So I was telling my girlfriends that I was listening to Carrie's new song, "Good Girl," on Billboard.com and one of the first comments on the page goes, "Oh there's Carrie Underwood with another song that sounds the same and those weird legs of hers." First off, people are penning this song as a Shania Twain-esque track -- one that doesn't a need a fiddle in it to be considered country music. And HELLO -- her legs are amazing. Weird legs? Who are you? Where do you come from? They're TO DIE FOR. I spend my life in the gym aspiring to get those legs!

We're all agreeing about her fab gams and I am about to mention how it made me feel better that even Carrie Underwood has negative people around her, so I don't take things too seriously, when one of my girlfriends says, "Yeah, I mean, and she used to be fat and now look at her."

She used to be fat.

She used to be fat?

I immediately interjected. "She was NOT fat. Are you serious?" 

They all kind of look at each other, nodding. "Yeah, she was big, Kirb!"

I know they weren't being mean. But never, in my life, in all of my Carrie fanhood, have I considered her fat, or big. I remember thinking she went from a normal size to losing a lot of weight, but attributed it to her being vegetarian (vegan now perhaps?) and becoming famous. If you have money, you can lose weight.

I pulled up photos from Carrie back in 2005, while she was on Idol. She was 22 and just about to graduate college. To me, seeing her in that pink top during first round auditions and watching her perform throughout the show -- she never once looked "big," "chubby," or "fat," -- all things she was referred to at dinner.

I'm not saying these girls were being malicious. They're my friends, and I know them and love them. What was shocking to me was how different their viewpoints were from mine. I grew up in Texas, and while Carrie wasn't super thin, she was a normal, southern/midwest sized girl. 

Carrie has admitted that she gained 20 pounds while filming Idol, but now I've done some research and it's speculated that today she's 110 pounds at 5'3. She's svelte. But being 5'3 and 130 pounds, that's about average. For someone 5'3, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, a normal weight would be between 104-140 pounds (which puts one at a Body Mass Index between 18.5-24.9) Not too heavy, not thin. She's actually on the lower end of the weight spectrum at her current weight, which is understandable since she's constantly on camera -- and trust, it does put some pounds on a person. 

I explained this (120-130 pounds) was a normal weight for the midwest and one of my girlfriends said, "Well, maybe that's overweight to the rest of the world's standards."

Listen people, I have news flash for you all: that is NOT overweight. It's not fat. It's not chubby. She might look bigger, but give it a rest. I'm sorry that I'm getting really butt-hurt over this, but it hurt my feelings. Maybe I'm in denial about my own weight, but let me say my piece:

I have seen plenty (plenty, plenty, plenty) of overweight, chubby people in my life and someone who looks the way she did in 2005 is a far cry from both of those terms. I know the south and midwest are known for down-home cooking and eating things that Paula Deen probably conjured up, and we get a bad rap when it comes to health. I get it. But Southern California, while it has tons of people focused on doing the best for their bodies and eating the most healthy, natural foods possible -- which has helped me focus on a better diet (massive sweet tooth ova here) -- also has a distorted view of fat and skinny. We constantly have to care about what we look like on camera and while we could look thin at one weight, are focused on looking thin for the camera. Everyone here is offensively beautiful, either due to good genes or great doctors (if they're truly great, you won't be able to tell the difference), and when you're trying to stand out in a sea full of pretty people, it's hard not to worry about if your hair is the right shade, if your nose looks good in your profile, and if your body is appealing enough. (Tip: be yourself. My cowboy booties, my pseudo-accent and my southern disposition all have helped me meet great people and make true friends out here.) Everyone looks fit and thin -- and they look good -- but does that make them normal? So many people here have aspirational bodies. Should that be the standard for the rest of the country?

Plus, what does it say about those who are a little heavier than Carrie at that stage in her life? How do you think that makes them feel? I'm sure she'd look a bit bigger at 138 pounds, but that's still a normal weight for her height. And what about those women are are actually overweight? Does that make them obese? Words slice us. We need to think about these types of things, and how it's affecting girls' confidence and vision of themselves.

Since moving to LA, I'll admit that I started caring a lot more about what I eat, when I eat it, and how often I hit the gym. It's a fact of life. This is what happens out here. But the mindset is SO different. I'd say that approximately 55% of my friends are vegetarian or vegan. When I grew up, we ate chicken or beef with every meal, pasta wasn't banned from the dinner table, we always had rolls, and my mother baked sweets to put out for when my friends came over. I lived off sweet tea at The Main in college. Yet we were not overweight children. We might have gone through puberty and gained some weight every now and then -- a normal part of growing up -- but never would the terms "chubby" or "overweight" have come to mind.

At least not to us.

I guess the reason I'm so irked by this is because when I moved out here, I was in good shape because I really focused on my fitness my senior year. But things got stressful and I lost the physique I had. Now, I feel like I could spare a few pounds, but I'm not dwelling on it. I will lose them with hard work. But I like to have fun. I like Moscow Mules. I like dessert. Sue me. However, I feel (currently) that I'm a few pounds shy of looking like Carrie Underwood on American Idol! Could she have lost a few pounds? Sure. Did she need to? No. (She did.) So hearing girls who are so close to my heart talk about her in that way, it kind of hurt my feelings. I know they weren't, but I couldn't help but wonder if at work the next day they'd be talking about how I looked or if I needed to lose weight. 

Granted, I told them all this, and they were quick to assure me I didn't look "big" or "chubby." But what if I did look like that? Would I be considered "fat," "chubby" and "overweight"? Sadly, I guess I would. And that's hurts my heart. I am somewhat pissed that I'm even writing about this because, as I re-read this, I'm getting annoyed that I'm talking about weight in the first place. This is a minor issue. This is nothing of substance (or at least not that much). I feel like I have good self confidence and rarely am I ever wondering if my friends are gossiping about my weight when I'm not around, but here I am. Good Lord.

I'm am only writing to this show how different viewpoints can be. I'm not criticizing anyone -- especially my friends, who I love dearly -- I just want to write about it because, well, it's been bothering me. What do you think? Is Carrie chubby? Or did we all think she was just because she's in her prime, thinnest shape ever now?

Also, if you want to lose weight, I have a few tips: give up carbs. Yes, it sounds like complete and utter insanity, but Katniss Everdeen could starve for days and survived (like my Hunger Games reference?) so I think, if you truly want to drop the L-Bs, you can give up carbs for two weeks. Also, quit coffee for at least three days. Stick to eating lots of green veggies and have eggs in the morning for breakfast and I promise you'll see a huge difference. Last year I was on a paleolithic diet. I lost two pant sizes and I felt amazing. My skin was clearer, and while it was super, super difficult the first three days, I felt like I was on cloud nine afterwards. My friend Terry is a Crossfit trainer and lives a strict paleo lifestyle and he can help answer any dietary needs you may have. So give it a try if you're really looking to turn over a new leaf in your life.

Annnnd that's a wrap.

This is your biggest mistake

I know my blogs are few and far between these days, but that's just what happens when you love your job. Not gloating, just being honest. :) 

Anyway, I felt compelled to share this real quick before I shower and hit the sack. My church service this week was really therapeutic in a sense, and I feel like the past week has been chock full of messages. I know it's cliché at this point, but Whitney Houston's death really put me in a funk. It was so weird that one moment she was alive and the next she was gone. Unlike Michael, who had looked frail for awhile, Whitney seemed healthy (sort of). The ironic thing was that Michael looked so small yet he could still sing and perform and he still had his talent. Whitney looked capable, but couldn't hit those notes like she used to. I don't know why I'm getting into all this right now but it just made me sad that her daughter doesn't have her mother anymore, and that her father can't give her what he needs -- which is a huge understatement, but I feel bad being rude to someone, especially when they've lost someone in their life.

Last Friday was National Random Acts of Kindness Day. I had no idea until I heard Ryan Seacrest announce it on the radio, so I decided I wanted to buy a person in line at Starbucks a coffee before work. I have written about the time the person in the drive-thru at Starbucks in Dallas, Texas bought my drink for me and I never got to tell them thank you or even see who they were, and it made my entire day. So I wanted to do it for someone. 

The thing about random acts of kindness is that everyone gets so offended these days. I was afraid that if I tapped someone on the shoulder and asked to pay for their coffee, or if I told the Barista I was getting the person behind me, they'd find me rude, like, "What, do I look like I can't afford a $3.50 cup of coffee?" That's sticky situation. It makes doing good deeds a bit harder these days. When I walked in, I saw a woman in front of me, and I kept trying to see her face to decide if she'd be okay if I bought her coffee. I couldn't get a glimpse. So I decided I'd just buy an extra latte and bring it to someone I knew at the office.

I was kind of disappointed about it though. And then, out of nowhere, the woman in front of me turned around and looked at me. She had maybe one or two teeth. Her face seemed a little dirty, and her hair unkempt. It made me heart hurt. I smiled.

"Hi, can you buy me a fruit plate?" she asked.

I told her yes and made sure she was taken care of for the rest of the day. After I paid, she looked me in the eye and said "God bless you."

I didn't tell this story to pat myself on the back. Admittedly, it made me feel good, but it also broke my heart. What happens tomorrow when I'm not there to buy her food?

I'm very much on the Nicki Minaj side of things when I say, "I"m not lucky, I'm blessed, yes." And I have to believe it wasn't just a coincidence that I waltzed into Starbucks, hoping to help someone out, and when I was considering taking the safe route, an opportunity was presented to me to help in a bigger way.

My point is that if you seek a way to help others, it will come to you. You have to ask God for those opportunities. He will present them. Just like if you are seeking refuge or solace about something, you have to ask Him for help, right? You need to do the same when helping others. Our biggest mistake is keeping quiet and letting the opportunities pass us by. Just ask. He will provide.

I thought that was great lesson to be learned this week.

Sending positive thoughts your way,

It's National "Tell A Woman She's Beautiful" Day

(also known as "Stop Being a Judgmental Biotch Day")

I'm creating a National Holiday. I don't have any authority to do so, but it's not a holiday you can take the day off work from, so it shouldn't be an issue. And I've put it conveniently before Valentine's. You'll see why in a second.

Last Thursday, I had an event in Hollywood, so obviously my first priority was getting to In 'N Out for some MAJOR NOMMAGE. I don't live close to either In 'N Outs in LA, and since Hollywood is generally one giant clustereff at any given moment, I try not to venture northeast often.

I was waiting in line to place my order and a girl came up to my window. She was petite, and looked like she should probably be in high school, if not newly graduated. She was STUNNING. I have never seen a person this beautiful in LA. Everyone here thinks they're good looking but mostly they look really, really fake and have terrible extensions and too much eyeliner on. This girl had a remarkable face. Her hair was pulled back and she was in her In 'N Out uniform. Obviously this means something, because not everyone can look like a gorgeous specimen of a human being in those outfits. So she took my order (and I was slightly embarrassed that I was placing an order at 9:30 at night) and was about to walk off after giving me my total. 

I felt SO compelled to tell this girl how pretty she was. I mean, SHE WAS. So before she walked away, I go (like an idiot), "Wait! I just have to say this. You are really beautiful." I am embarrassed at this point.

She smiles and before I can finish, says, "You are too. I wanted to tell you but thought it would be weird." 

And then we straight up HUGGED IN THE PARKING LOT. I rolled down my window all the way and we gave each other a car hug. It was so bizarre, but it really made me feel like I was in touch with the human race. And we both kind of hugged and it was this super weird yet very gratifying hug, like, "Thank you for saying that. I needed it." 

This got me thinking. Ladies, why can't we tell each other we're beautiful? Is that word reserved for a man to say to you? I know that I don't tell my girlfriends they're beautiful enough. I'll say, "You are look so cute!" and stuff like that, but not like, "Girlfriend you look gorgeous." And that is sad. I have truly beautiful friends. I don't think it's normal to have friends who are wonderful inside and out... but I'm not going to question it.

I have to credit my dear friend Natalie, as she tells me I'm beautiful all the time. I think this is because I vent to her a lot and she tells me this to calm me down. (It works.) But we all need to pay this FORWARD! Let's stop judging other girls and being envious of what they have or don't have and embrace each other! And love each other! This sounds like a scene out of Mean Girls, but truly, we all need to take a hot second and stop referring to other girls as bitches and a) figure out why we really say that (if she is -- it's the truth; if not, she's probably better at something or has something you don't). Tell that girl you see on the subway every other day that she's pretty. She won't be offended. In fact, it could make her day. Maybe she is single and just moved to the city, and she's feeling down on her luck. 

Tell that girl in the office you don't talk to that she looks stunning in the dress she's wearing -- it might help her to forget the endless emails and troubleshooting she's going to have to deal with in the next 10 minutes. And tell your good friends they have a great body or that you think they're pretty. Sometimes, we hide our emotions from our friends so they don't think we're having a rough time. Telling them these things might be just what they need to hear right now.

GUYS: you're included. Don't think you can get out of this one. Maybe that person is your mother or sister. Or maybe it's someone you're courting, or maybe it's some chick you see every day at Starbucks when you get your morning coffee. If you think they're beautiful (pretty, gorgeous, insert adjective here), TELL HER! Just don't be creepy about it, okay? Thanks.

So, go on now. Tell a woman she's beautiful today, on National "Tell A Woman She's Beautiful" Day (February 13th).

XO
Kirbie

"Don't cry, cause on Earth we weren't meant to stay"

I'm sure you all could have bet on this blog post coming... so I'll stay true to form and write about my feelings. 

I've been working GRAMMY events the past two years. It's been such a memorable experience, getting to do these events and see these people I grew up seeing on TV and hearing on the radio. One of the first CDs I bought when I got my first Discman back in the day was Whitney Houston's Greatest Hits album.

You know, everyone has certain people they just "know" growing up. For me, those people were Michael Jackson, Oprah, Julia Roberts, and Whitney Houston. I have "known" them since I was little... before Justin Timberlake or even my latest crush (Clay Matthews) came into my life. And you see these people as larger than life beings, people who will always be around, and people you grow to love from afar.

Sadly, two of those four people have passed. And what truly remarkable beings they were for the music industry. Whitney, such a beautiful talent -- someone we all saw rise and fall. 

Last night I worked the Clive Davis GRAMMY Gala at The Beverly Hilton. Most of you know by now, that's where Whitney died. We didn't know she had passed until we were in my car driving to the hotel when I got a text from my roommate. "Whitney Houston died?"

In a world where Twitter gets a little too slap-happy at announcing a death (or prematurely announcing one -- a la all the "RIP XXX" Trending Topics that get started), I was hesitant to believe it, so I had Nat get on her phone and check. "See if it's one of those fake trending topics."

We ended up getting on Twitter and seeing a slew of reputable sources reporting her death. We were shocked. In fact, I was particularly shocked she died today of all days -- the day of Clive Davis' gala. He was the man responsible for making her THE Whitney Houston. They were close. It was just a tad ironic.

Even more ironic is when we found out she passed at the hotel we were shortly going to be working a party at. I called my mom after we parked and were walking in to tell her the news.

"Hi baby dumb!"

"Mom, you know Whitney Houston died, right?"

"What?"

"She died today, here at The Beverly Hilton. We're about to walk in but I wanted you to know."

She instantly started crying. I was a little shocked actually, although my mom is an emotional being and cries when she's happy, cries when she's sad; she just said, "That makes me so sad. I grew up with her. And Bobby Brown ruined her life."

This is truly a tragedy. I didn't know Whitney -- not claiming to either. But it's 100% fine for fans to be hurt and sad that someone they liked (or loved) passed away. There are so many people on  Twitter and Facebook who are seem angry and are ridiculing others who are sending condolences and using these social mediums to talk about their sadness. If you don't like Whitney, why say anything? Just be quiet. Let her fans mourn. If anything, let people have empathy for another family that has lost a loved one.

I just read on TMZ that Whitney was found in her room at the Beverly Hilton, on the fourth floor, and pronounced dead at 3:55 PM today, however, her body was still upstairs while the party was going on, and was removed approximately 45 minutes ago (so, 12:15 PST) this morning. I find it surreal that I happened to be working there. One of those things in life you'll never forget, I think.

A lot of celebrities backed out of showing up tonight, sending their prayers and expressing grief online, like Sharon & Kelly Osbourne -- both finding it distasteful to show up and party -- Miley Cyrus, Mark Salling, among various others. However, a huge showing come out to the party. I think if a lot of them had known Whitney was still upstairs, they wouldn't have come. A lot of them must feel pretty sick about it. Although many people came to support Clive, a dear friend of Whitney's, who was a staple at his gala every year.

Tonight I was assigned to Blake Shelton -- who I seemed to have missed. However, I got to meet Tony Bennett, Dr. Dre, Kim Kardashian and Serena Williams, walking them all down the carpet. Not going to lie, as a pop culture maniac and lover of all things celebrity, I was loving every minute. I was pretty psyched about Dr. Dre, given my Thursday night routine in college included a STUNNING rendition of 'Forgot About Dre' at The Cellar. I'm not tooting my own horn (actually, I am) but I could be Eminem's female protege. Also, I know everyone is sick of the Kardashians... and while I see Rob everywhere and have seen Kholé before, I've never seen Kim. Point blank: she is mesmerizing. She might wear too much makeup to same people, but girlfriend is gorgeous. She has curves, but in person she looks like a perfect hourglass shape -- not too big or anything, and she's very petite. We knew she was short but she's thin, too. She looked gorgeous and came with Serena. Her, Kelly Rowland and Serena all chatted before hitting the carpet together. I couldn't help but laugh when my mom sent me this text: "Did you tell her you were sisters from another mister?" Apparently anyone else with a booty is my sister now, even though I have not once ounce of Armenian blood. Love you, Mommis.

Still, there was an eerie aura in the hotel. Nobody talked about the GRAMMYs. Everyone just talked about Whitney.

I think one thing we should take from this is this: don't do drugs. Don't do them. Please, I beg you all. When you think about it, it's truly not worth it. So many have been lost from accidental overdoses: Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, Heath Ledger, Anna Nicole Smith, the 27 club... and while we don't know what's behind Whitney's death, and we all might be stunned, can we say we're surprised? She's struggled with addiction (thanks to Bobby Brown) for awhile now, and tonight a daughter has lost her mother.

Prescription drug overdoses (and drug overdoses in general) have become prevalent, it seems, since I've gotten older. Maybe I didn't recognize them all as a child. Regardless, it's clear these people with great gifts are suffering from something: loneliness, depression, a need for validation; something is missing, and they're not getting it from fame and fortune. What does it say about our society that we're losing people who seem to have the world at their fingertips to something like prescription drugs (or any kind of drug)? These deaths can be avoided, the obviously most disappointing fact. 

A few years ago, I thought Britney Spears would be in this type of mess. But I'm glad she's turned things around for herself, thanks to people who love her. And I truly fear for Lindsay Lohan. I hope, from human to human, that she gets someone in her life to help and care for her.

Who hasn't been influenced by Whitney, somehow? I mean, even I get on the treadmill and have little fantasies in my head to "I Want to Dance With Somebody," involving 80s costumes and choreographed dance moves (TMI)?

Anyway... such a bizarre night. It's hard not to be sad, with a loss of such a huge talent. Sad that we've lost two (three if you include Amy) music greats in a matter of two-and-a-half years. Here's one of my favorite songs of hers.