Let me tell you about Mindy Kaling

BUY THIS NOW!

Are you there Mindy? It's me, Kirbie. Hi. I kind of decided you and I were probably conjoined twins, having shared a brain (and a limb or two), but somehow managed to separate and live two distinctly different lives... with different ethnicities.

So here's what's up. Minds, (do you mind if I call you that?), for those of you who don't know her, is THE SH*T. I don't know her either, but I "know" her through her book that I happened to recommend to the whole free world on Twitter and subsequently everyone loves me for. What can I say, I set trends when it comes to book recommendations. Anyway, her book made me laugh, made me cry, made me go, "SWEET BABY JESUS. THANK YOU! THANK YOU!"

For instance, the story about the guy she was supposed to go on the date with whom she primped so much for and he ditched her over text? That's a Mentervention if I've ever heard one. And the story about her college days and living in a box (pretty much) in NYC while trying to make it big? Soooo inspirational, Minds! 

Here are a few highlights from the book that really just touched my heart (and my funny bone). Like this one:

"So things were coming together nicely for me to embark on a full-fledged depression." -- After failing at life before getting a real job. I felt like this for two years when I moved out here. Still do, sometimes (not often. I don't need Lexapro or anything, sheesh).

She talks about how she would have an alias for hotels when she really hits it big -- hers being Gwendolyn Trundlebed, mine being Ariette Wintour, which I've had planned since like junior year of college (Molly can spot me on that one).  She mentions how, as a nanny, she would chat for hours with the little girl about which member of *NSYNC they'd want to marry -- and they always picked J.C. ME TOO, MINDY!!! And what's so bizarre is our reasoning is exactly the same: Justin couldn't be trusted, Joey's last name is Fat One, Lance was always the "best friend" and J.C. had good looks and the best voice of the group. I mean, if that doesn't qualify as a quality for a soul-mate, I don't know what does. (I'm referring to Mindy, not J.C., by the way.)

Also, people, please take heed to the following. And by people, I mean my best friends. There are rights and frankly obligations you have to me, and I have to you. So fulfill them. I will too. (Mindy came up with these, obvi.)

- "I will try to like your boyfriend five times. This is a fair number of times to hang out with your boyfriend and withhold judgment." Elise, I love you, so I should have told you I couldn't stand Jake while you were still dating him, because trust me, I gave him like 16 times and I still didn't like him. So I'm pretty psyched you both aren't together anymore.

- "If you're depressed, I will be there for you. As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends. I will be there for you during your horrible break-up, or getting fired from your job, or if you're just having a bad couple of months or year. I will hate it and find your really tedious, but I promise I won't abandon you." Now I tend to have more sympathy over breakups, so you all have some leverage on that one... but I have to include "1L-2L students" in the "most boring people category" because, well, Em, I love you but I'm REALLY SUPER HAPPY you're a 3L because now you have a social life, and that includes me seeing you on a regularly scheduled basis. :)

- "I will hate and re-like people for you. But you can't get mad if I can't keep track. Robby? Don't we hate him? No, we love him. Okay, okay. Sorry." I'm really great with hating and loving people on command. Except those people that I truly hate. You'll never get my love! However, friends, please take a moment and reconsider talking or associating with any of my ex boyfriends, unless you're directly related to them. I don't want to hear about how you bumped into them at the bar or hung out with him at the basketball game. How would you feel if I did that with your exes? Thank you for your cooperation. Also, I will never ask you to defriend an ex for my personal gratification -- don't ask me to do so either. That's just weird. Facebook friends? Cool. Going to his house party for the 4th of July? Not okay... unless I'm going and you're coming with for moral support.

MEN

You will have your day on Mentervention, as Mindy makes some excellent points that I need to discuss with you all. However, here are some highlights from her chapter "Guys Need to Do Almost Nothing to be Great" for the time being:

- Have a signature drink like James Bond.  I have blogged about women needing to know how to make a good cocktail -- guys, find a drink and make it yours. I don't care if it's a whisky and ginger ale or Shiner. Just find one and go with it. Please keep it manly.

- Own several pairs of dark-wash straight-leg jeans. DUH. I have posted about this so many times! Guys, light-wash jeans? They don't look good with really anything except a white Hanes tee. So fill up that wardrobe of yours with the sexiness that is a nice pair of dark-wash denim. Yum.

- When you think a girl looks pretty, say it.  For me, the jury's still out on the term "pretty." Like... flowers are pretty. So is the sunset. So is the ocean. So are diamonds... okay, fine, all of those things truly are pretty and maybe it would be nice to be compared to them. I think if you want to make a woman swoon, you tell her she's beautiful or gorgeous or stunning or something that's really like "POW! I think you're WAY ATTRACTIVE!" 

But anyway, Minds makes a great point by including how to compliment a woman. Don't be like, "Oh, wow, I like the way did your hair today!" Instead, say, "You look stunning." And don't compliment what we wear by complimenting the article of clothing, like "I like your skirt." Say, "You look like a knockout in that skirt!" See? Minor differences, but worth the effort, boys. 

I could literally go on and on about how fabulous Mindy is, but I will stop because my lids are getting heavy and I'm pretty sure I sound like a super creepster right now. But I leave you with this: Mindy, I used to work at Frederic Fekkai, and I remember you came in once and desperately needed product, but there was an issue with the valet, and it was major drama... and I'm sorry for that. I'M SORRY! I don't have any control over valet but I hope you got the shampoo and hairspray that you needed.

Xo,

NIGHT OF EPIC PROPORTIONS

If you know me (pretty much) at all, via Twitter, real life, or anything in between, I do not take myself seriously. Work? I take it seriously. Puppies? Take them very seriously. Blogging? Definitely. Myself? No. Not ever.

Granted most of you reading this are probably new Twitter followers... which I'll get to in a second. But let's be honest: I'm 25 and most people mistake me for 18. I'm a blond from Texas. My name is Kirbie. There are many things about me to not be taken seriously.

Therefore, tonight, when propositioned (not personally) to act like a complete idiot on Twitter in order to get a Twitter follow, I knew what I had to do. So basically here's what happened: somebody Tweeted my favorite person to follow on Twitter, @ChrissyTeigen, the following: "What would it take for you to follow?"

To which she responded:

To then, which she followed up with:

I happen to be at a surprise birthday with a bunch of coworkers when I see this. Not one to take a contest lightly, I tell Nat that I need a small plant... and immediately. Given we were in Tarzana and at a bachelor's home, we both knew finding a tiny potted plant for me to hold was pretty much out of the question. Therefore, I run my anus outside and break off a giant leaf from the (basically) amusement park of shrubbery going on, and bring it back to the ottoman I am sitting at so we can hold an impromptu photo sesh of me, scratching my armpit and acting like I had no teeth -- in front of 50 or so people -- fireside. 

This gem was the biproduct of quick thinking and throwing all poise to the wind. 

She's tweeted me a few times in the past, which was gratifying, but I like to go ALL OUT in all aspects of my life, and a simple response is not adequate enough. I want a true commitment that only Twitter can provide: a follow. (Hey, Katy unfollowed Russell, Demi unfollowed Ashton... following MEANS something.)

The best thing about this photo? I thought she meant "no teeth," but really she meant "smiling like a creeper, with no teeth showing." That's the sole reason I love Twitter. It's all up for interpretation. 

THEN ALL OF THIS HAPPENED:

Epic retweet time! 

(Notice how I favorited that tweet like a loser boss)

Welcome new followers (cough cough CHRISSY TEIGEN). 

That makes me sound like L. Ron Hubbard...

So what have we learned here? Too many things, but namely a) Twitter brings people together, b) I will do absolutely anything for Twitter followers (???????), c) there are celebrities who don't just retweet people who are like "OMG ROB KARDASHIAN I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES BECUZ UR SOOOOO SEXIIIIII" or "VANILLA ICE IS THE MAN, HE'S THE HARDEST WORKING DUDE IN THIS BIZ!!!!!!!!" and they actually make things fun and not self-indulgent. So thanks for that, celebrities on Twitter who aren't self-righteous, humorless twits. :)

NOTE: No plants were harmed in the making of this photo. Actually, one was. But I doubt it will miss one leaf. It should grow back in no time. I pretty much made that leaf's night because afterwards I put it in my hair as I danced to "Apache" by Sugarhill Gang with Nat. What leafs do you know that have had the opportunity to dance to APACHE?

Speaking of... videos of people dancing to this sh*t never gets old. Ever. Here are some Marines partaking in some Fresh Prince action, for your viewing pleasure.

'I get by with a little help from my friends'

I've turned into one of those people that doesn't have time to call their mother every day, check PerezHilton 45 times at work, and calls "going to the gym" a fun night out... on a weeknight, that is.

Work is marvelous, but I'm so busy that I find myself going, "Oh my Gosh. This is what it's like to have no life." Don't get me wrong -- I prayed that this day would come, that I was so immersed in my work that it didn't feel like work... that it would be considered fun -- but I remember when I first moved out here and how much time I had on my hands. I would email people persistently in hopes of networking and grabbing coffee, and maybe, just maybe, they'd help me get my 'dream job.' I always wondered why most of these people offered little advice or no responses, or had little time for me. "Why can't these people take a minute a help a minion like me out?" Well now I know: they had a job that actually counted on them.

Don't get me wrong. If I didn't show up for work at my other jobs, all hell would break loose. But all I did was show up, figure out some menial tasks and then proceed to blog/write for Examiner all day. Which worked out in my favor, obviously...

But really, the real world has called and informed me that everyone is too busy 'doing themselves' to care what you're going through. It's like that saying, "Nobody cares if you're sad, so you might as well be happy."

One thing I wanted to throw out there is this: please, never be too busy to help people out. I am so grateful for the wonderful friends and mentors I'm acquired since moving to LA, all of whom have helped me by offering advice or support in all of my endeavors. They are the ones that touched my heart and gave me confidence, while my family was miles away. I've gotten increasingly more emails lately asking for career advice, personal advice, etc just from getting this new gig -- which is great, I love that people consider me somewhat knowledgeable -- and I try to take the time to respond, even if I can't immediately. Make sure to find time to email those who email you, get that coffee with that person who has been asking you to go for awhile now, and forward a resume for a friend in dire need of a job. You never know who's day you'll make or how you might touch another person.

Enough sappy stuff though -- I have a new Mentervention coming called "Is it too much to ask to find a guy that's really f-cking excited to date me? Is it?" Title pending. It's going to be super hilarious (as usual -- just kidding! but really this time), based on true events, and will include references to Mindy Kaling's book (so read it)... plus a possible video blog to accompany it.

I will not neglect this blog anymore!!!!!

Time after time

I haven't done one of these in awhile, but Nat came over last night to watch the Golden Globes and we got to talking about church and what she learned yesterday morning.

John 11 talks about Lazarus' death and how Jesus delayed in saving him. Lazarus was dead when his sisters, Mary and Martha, requested Jesus' help in saving him. However, Jesus knew Lazarus was already dead, and instead of immediately going to save him and help, Jesus responded with a delay. He waited two days before doing anything. 

Jesus then decided to go to Judea and preach to Lazarus' family, even though it was unsafe for him to go there -- since the Jews wanted to stone him. 

In the end, Lazarus is raised from the dead by Jesus, and in doing this Jesus makes sure to do it in the Glory of God -- waiting four days to do so, making sure there was no hope of resuscitation. 

I bring this up because there are so many times in life where we want answers immediately, or we feel like we need help because we're at our darkest hour or lowest of low. However God sees these struggles as ways to really test your faith and see how strong it really is. Jesus could have easily saved Lazarus from afar, and he could have done so immediately, but timing was everything in order to prove God's glory.

Just remember when you think your life isn't moving as quickly as you'd like, or if something you really wanted doesn't end up working out, that timing is everything. Maybe God is protecting your from harm or heartache by ending a short-lived fling, or even a relationship that's been going on for years but isn't headed anywhere positive and isn't progressing as it should. Perhaps he knows you're going to be too busy throwing yourself into work to date, or maybe he has someone in mind for you and doesn't want you wasting your time on someone else.

I know dating as a 20-something can be really tough! And ladies, I know how exciting it is to date someone you're attracted to and has qualities you like and admire. But sometimes those people are brought in and out of your life quickly to show you what else is out there. So don't dwell on what went wrong or why things didn't work out. Just learn and get excited for the future God has planned for you.

Maybe you still need to learn a few things before you get that job you really want, or that pay raise you desperately need. You could be at the job you're at for years in order to be a testament to a coworker in need, or to help make your mark in a coworker's life. Perhaps you lost your job because you weren't happy and you weren't doing anything about it, and God is going to help you go after your true passion. All of these situations are in your best interest, even if you can't see that at the time!

I don't know what God's plans are exactly, but I do know that they are always good, and it's in our best interest not to question Him, doubt Him, fear what we don't know and worry over things we have no control over. 

God wants us to be excited about the possibilities of the future, and you need to be thrilled with the idea that you are capable of having a vibrant, enthusiastic, thrilling life -- even when it doesn't seem to look that way at a certain point in your life. Expect the good and it will come to you!

Let God's timing -- not your own -- rule your life.