Oct 25, 2009

The Yankees Win!

Tonight the Yankees have officially earned their pass into the World Series. This is always a very fond time for me to reflect on because I love post-season baseball and all the great memories myself and my family have with it.

It's hard not to be a little bit upset that Uncle WRC isn't in pinstripes and pitching. However I tend to think about the completely magical times I've had in New York during the month of October.

I think my favorite memory has to be 10 years ago in 1999. I had just met Matthew McConaughey two weeks before and I was on cloud nine. My mom and her two sisters were in New York to support my Uncle while he pitched in the World Series as a Yankee.

I, on the other hand, was at school (in 7th grade) trying to get through tests and getting excited for the Halloween festivities coming up. One of the cute guys in my math class, Lee, was having a huge halloween bash and I was so excited to dress up and go. The day after I was invited, however, was the fourth game and subsequently the one game that would determine if the Yanks would sweep the Atlanta Braves. This meant shipping up and moving out that night in case of a clean sweep.

Being 13 and having been invited to the party of a somewhat popular boy was very important to me! I mean, come on, I was 13. So when I was told I was going to New York I was excited but then pissed I'd be missing the party. I got over that real quick.

Having completed all my tests, my family went forward with the decision to fly everyone up to NY. I remember going to school that next day on "hat day" sporting my fresh new Yankees cap. I was leaving school at noon to go home, pack and fly away to a place I'd never been before.

I remember everything clearly. I was flying up with my Uncle Mark and cousins Ash and Chase. My dad and my little bro were staying behind in the event NYY didn't sweep because my brother was only six at the time. On the plane on the way there, I was listening to music on my CD player, praying to God the plane didn't crash (a phobia of mine) and would take frequent music breaks to listen to the captain report on how the game was going. About 45 minutes before landing it was official: THE YANKEES WON! THE YANKEEEEEES WON! Yes, it was that World Series where that famous saying was said.

We land, get to our hotel and go right to sleep. There was going to be a ton of festivities going on and we needed a ton of rest! The next day revolved around visiting the Stadium, getting a look at the private locker room, meeting Mr. Derek Jeter among other things like shopping with Aunt Deb and having an overall blast. ESPN Zone and Sephora were frequent stops in Times Square. The day after next was such a great memory of mine because it was the Ticker Tape Parade where everyone basically shuts down their business in the city of New York and celebrates the win. It was especially fabulous since it was a sweep (I mean, the Braves didn't show up to those games at ALL). I got up early and got ready, was overloaded with different passes around my neck and had a pen handy - I knew I wanted to get some autographs (oh to be 13 again). After getting around the mounds of traffic, we arrived... well, I'm not sure where but it was set up for a few honorary speeches by Mayor Guiliani himself and MVP Jete. Before that happened we were allowed to go in and out of all of these tents and eat delicious food and mingle. That's where I met Matthew Broderick and Mrs. New York herself, Carrie Bradshaw, or as most people call her Sarah Jessica Parker. I was too young to watch Sex and the City so I had no idea really who I was meeting - basically "that chick" from First Wives Club and Hocus Pocus.

Then it was time for the parade! Yippee! We all had on our Yankees gear and we climbed into a double decker bus with my Uncle and the rest of my fam. We were carted all around New York City with thousands of New Yorkers packing the streets and hanging out of their windows showing support for their hometown team. It was truly amazing. I can honestly said I never felt so connected to the human race as I did during that parade (funny how sports can bring people so close together). I have a vivid memory and my favorite thing was watching fans open their windows, wave to us and pull out their brooms to "sweep" the ticker tape off their windowsills (to symbolize the sweep).

As if things couldn't get any better, we went to a reception after the parade and basically ran amuck. Me and my cousins would run from baseball legends to performers asking for autographs. I got to meet Reggie Jackson, Yogi Berra, Clint Black and his wife and Darryl Strawberry among others.

I have to say I love my family and all of the great blessings we have had together. Soon enough I'm sure we'll be traveling all over the country to watch my cousin Koby hit a few homers in a championship series (hopefully in pinstripes)!

Oct 24, 2009


I'll admit, my precious blog has been neglected!

But I guess this should be the time to fill you in on some interesting news. Well, first off, guess who I saw on Thursday at Mr. Bones' Pumpkin Patch? None other than Jessica Alba!

As we walked up, there was a gaggle of paparazzi so I figured someone famous was there, however I figured it wasn't a movie star. But it was! Woo hoo! If they would have taken a wider shot I probably would have been in the photo because I was about five feet to the left. She was there her precious baby girl, Honor, and MAN was she skinny. Like, shockingly skinny. If I ever want to be in a movie I think my eating habits will have to die.

I got some somewhat exciting/hilarious news yesterday, so if things move forward I'll be sure to tell you guys what's going on!

Have a great weekend!

Oct 22, 2009


MALENTINA is Val's nickname if she's being a weirdo (which is 99% of the time). This is an endearing quality of hers so I don't make too much of a fuss about it. However, her weirdo-ness has turned into straight up dumba$$-ness because she's attempting The Master Cleanse.

For those of your who don't know, well, first of all you're smart. Because hearing about this so-called "diet" will ruin your life - the results are said to be great for your mind, body and soul and you could lose up to 14 pounds doing it. Not to mention Beyonce did this so you know everyone is going crazy to try it. However, basically all you can do is drink this "lemonade" that is concocted of cayenne pepper, maple syrup, 8 oz. of water and half of a lemon. Don't worry, after drinking at least six glasses a day of this crap you can also drink a ton of water, mint tea and you're mandated to also drink laxative tea 'fore you go to bed. Great, I'll make sure I use the potty before I go to sleep, don't want to encounter whatever kind of bomb will be going off.

So I told Val that she won't be able to last past a day and half. Basically Friday at noon she's going to break down and die of starvation. And let me just say that this "diet" claims that you'll be really, really, REALLY hungry and then you'll get into a blissful state, much like people who are right about to die feel.

Go ahead and keep track of her progress at www.olivevalentina.tumblr.com. Maybe my negativity will encourage her to go the distance, however I am not too thrilled with the fact that she'll probably be a major biotch when the hunger pains set in.

Best of luck, Malen.

Oct 21, 2009

Keeping up with Kirbie

What up.

I'm a firm believer in NOT referring to myself in third person because I think it sounds egotistical and frankly idiotic. However, the title of this little segment of my blog looks and sounds rather cute so we'll ignore my beliefs this one time:

- So after getting a full Melrose synopsis from my mom last night, I figured I wasn't featured in last night's episode and I was right. I thought I'd be on next week, however they're skipping next Tuesday so the new episode will be Tuesday, November 3rd. Who knows if you'll see me. All I know if I should be featured in an episode called "Ocean" as well as episodes 7 - 10. However, in related news, the CW has only ordered five more episodes of MP so let's pray to God they don't decide in a crazy turn of events to cancel the show before Heather Locklear makes her appearance - if anything I know the episodes I was in will be shown considering Heather wasn't in any of them.

- John Mayer has a new single, PRAISE BABY JESUS! I absolutely looooove "Heartbreak Warfare" because it's a typical John song; a great melody and lyrics that are real and relatable. I really can't wait for the CD to come out because he has a rumored duet with Taylor Swift on my most anticipated track "Half of my Heart."

- So I totally submitted myself for this movie coming up. The casting directors are taking picture submissions so I sent in a few of my headshots and regular photos in hopes of being "cast" as background help. Since it's a feature film the pay would be great and it would be a seriously HUGE opportunity for me to have on my resume. Basically if you're ever praying to baby Jesus just ask him to help your favorite blogger Kirbie out if he thinks that is the direction my life should go.

- I'm getting all of my Halloween festivities out of the way this week: pumpkin picking and carving tomorrow, tomorrow night I'll be going to a haunted hayride and Friday I'm enjoying "employee appreciation" with the girls at the studio at dinner and a haunted house. hould be a blast!

More updates soon. Hopefully something interesting comes up!

Oct 20, 2009

Next week on Melrose Place

... I'll be making my debut!

Everything that happened this week definitely means that the scenes I was in will have to be next. Sorry for the fake-out, hopefully I didn't ruin your lives by making you watch!


Things are slow around here. I don't have really any excitement going on for me right now except that I'm going to see Stewart for his birthday and am going to TCU's homecoming next week.

I figure this might be a "quiet before the storm" type of thing and I should embrace it while I can. So here are some updates:

- I've been promoted to a larger role at the tanning studio, which is awesome, because that means getting more responsibility and being able to start building a solid framework for how the business should be run (or at least contribute to it).
- Does anyone give a crap about Gossip Girl anymore? I don't watch regularly but Chuck Bass kissed a boy last night and I still don't think that did anything for ratings. I hadn't even heard buzz about it (with the exception of this summer when it was filmed).
- New Rihanna song = snoozefest! Come on girlfriend. Give the public something to talk about, not the crap you're calling your new single.
- Lady Gaga's new song, "Bad Romance," isn't like a "Just Dance" for me. I instantly loved that song and I think I'm going to have to listen to this one a few times to really get it.
- Halloween costume is pretty much complete! I've opted for a different look than I previously was going for and I think it will be awesome.

WATCH Melrose Place tonight! If you see me, you'll spot me before I do (dang Pacific time)! I guess I shouldn't say I'm in this one - they could have saved the scene for next week. Who knows. You can't miss me because I'm wearing a metallic silver dress; if there's a bar fight, I'm sitting at a table eating and if Ashley is talking to the character "Riley" then I'm walking down a few steps and taking shots at the bar. ;)

Oct 18, 2009


I've hit 10,000 views! Spread the word to your friends. :) Thanks again!

Oct 17, 2009

"And I don't like frozen corn"

Well, I saw it.

I have to give myself a round of applause. I managed to make it all the way through "Where the Wild Things Are" without running out in sheer terror! However I will say that tears were shed, but not the frightful kind.

First of all, the film is 100% beautiful. There isn't one thing that doesn't completely capture the view of the audience. Beautiful imagery filled our IMAX screen; at times it was hard to decide what to focus on. The movie is also intriguing in this aspect - I love how they used actual Jim Henson puppets instead of doing the whole CGI thing (although some of the "things'" facial expressions were perfected with that technology).

I've never read the book so I didn't quite know how much it paralleled, however, I'm assuming since it is only 10 pages that Spike Jonze had a lot of "pages" to fill with the script. The thing is is that the script is absolutely GENIUS because not one line of dialogue doesn't have a symbolic meaning. Everything has some kind of a connection, whether it affects your heart or your mind is for you to decide. Nothing within the film is over anyone's head - the verbiage and vocabulary is that of, well, a nine-year-old, however that brings so much more to the movie that an overly-compensated script.

I guess that is why I was holding back tears only five minutes into the movie. Something pulled at my heartstrings watching Max act as a boy usually does at that age. He reminded me a lot of my little brother when he was younger; creating, exploring, imagining. It killed me to see how he was treated, knowing that boys that young need to be nurtured and cultivated, not ignored.

"How can guys like us worry about something a small as the sun?"

Such a powerful line from the movie. Puts a lot of things in perspective, don't you think? In my opinion, it was almost an exhausting film. I was spending the whole time trying not to cry from well, everything (the visual and emotional aspects) and my emotions and reactions would alter from laughing, feeling empathy, feeling sympathy, feeling guilt, being concerned, worried, anxious, relieved, happy, content, then sad, scared, hurt, terrified and delighted until it repeated. Truly, all of those emotions were lived out.

I loved how Max, a young boy, was able to conquer such massive heights in his own world, something that even adults tend to lose grip on in the real world. He could escape and would stand up to things that frankly should scare the crap out of him, however he was able to somehow turn things around and accomplish so much. It was very much a real film in the sense that he was a young boy and something as small as not liking frozen corn could send him on a spree of inappropriate behavior.

The best part of the movie had to be how each "thing" represented a different side of everyone. There wasn't one "thing" - Carol, KW, Ira, Judith, Alex, Douglas, even the bull - that the audience couldn't relate to or at least say that they felt at least once. I know sometimes I feel like I'm talking and nobody is listening. Literally. I can ask a question and people have the audacity to not answer. It's sad and I really empathized with Alex on that one. Also, you know the times you get so mad and upset you really want to make a point, but you won't really, but you at least want other people to think you would actually carry out what you say you will? How about when you would do anything for anyone because you loved them so much? Or at that moment when you're so happy to be with people that you can't do anything or say anything to express it... the only thing that would do your feelings justice would be to let our a big howl? If you've been let down, wondering why you weren't protected or why nobody is on your side, why things aren't working out how you had planned or envisioned; why people continue to hurt you when you're already hurt or why people can't just take a joke.

Looky there. I went into a movie I was petrified to see and now it's going to be something I treasure forever. Now I just need to get my hands on a copy of the book.

Oct 16, 2009

Cutest puppies in the WIELD

TOBINATOR!!!!! (Toby, our little pain in the butt)

OKAY. There isn't one thing that can make me happier than a puppy. Any puppy will suffice, but if it happens to be a baby english bulldog then forget about it - I'll die.

I'm going to throw this out there: I'm pretty weird. My idea of entertainment is going on YouTube and finding puppy videos. So here are some for my favs:

Cutest puppy EVER.

Maltipoo puppy

Schnoodle puppies (what my precious Toby is)

English Bulldog pups

Oct 15, 2009

Melrose Update

Here ye, Here ye...

So I wouldn't doubt it for one second that Melrose Place gets cancelled. It's really a terribly boring show. However, I hope it stays on for at least five more episodes because those are the ones I'm in!

Starting next Tuesday is when I should make my .02 second TV debut. I'm slated for episodes 06/07, 07/08, 08/09 and 09/10. On the West Coast it comes on at 9:00 and for everyone it should be on the CW. First episode will be when Auggie tells Jonah that Riley kissed him. Not like I expect any of you to know these characters... I wouldn't if I wasn't on the show.

I'll be playing a bar patron in the episode and then a hostess in the rest of them. My patron outfit it like metallic silver and FLAMBOYANT so you should be able see me somehow. Try and spot me!

Oct 14, 2009

Breast CANswer

For all of you who having been living in a hole, it's Breast Cancer awareness month! That's why you'll notice a ton of pink ribbons everywhere. It truly is a great cause so when my boss came to me last month and said we were going to put on a benefit I was uber excited yet absolutely terrified.

Me and Kristen, my wonderful boss lady

Putting on a great event takes a lot of time. A LOT. It's practically a 24-hour job until it's over. And then when it's over you have to clean, do thank you's, etc. So I was a little worried that we only had four weeks to pull it all together.

Luckily with our charm and persuasion skills we were able to get things together rather quickly! This was definitely reminescent of a few college projects where I spent my ever-living days and nights at Kinkos, desperately trying to get my stuff printed correctly. I designed the logo for the event which was plastered all over the invites and tee shirts.

Our event, Breast CANswer, benefitted My Vision (www.myvision.org), an organization that supports women with breast cancer by preserving their fertility so that once they're in remission then can have children. I thought this was awesome so I'm glad we could help donate to the cause.

The night was a mini-spa affair with a silent auction! We had a ton of people donate:

- Crumbs Cupcakes
Katie and Crumbs

- Kevin Josephson Salon
Kevin doing my hair

- American Apparel

The shirts Katie and I designed

- Goodie Bag Events
- LuxLash eyelash and brow services

- Neuro drinks
the neuro bar

- Jett Vodka
- MakeYouFlawless.com
- Lisa Kline
- Dr. Frank Ryan plastic surgery
- Dr. Sands Zoom Whitening and cosmetic dentistry
- J Brand Jeans
- Le Pain
- Mary Kay cosmetics
and more!

We didn't pay for anything except printing costs and decor because everyone was so generous and wanted to support breast cancer awareness.

Overall I think the event was fabulous - live DJ, cocktails and mocktails, appetizers, cupcakes, a candy bar, spa services - what more could we have asked for? I really want to encourage all of you to do something to make a difference this month, or at least show some support. Donate to breast cancer research, take the time to do a breast cancer test on yourself in the shower (men, you too!), participate in Race for the Cure - anything will help. This cancer affects so many people and it's time to start being proactive in finding a cure!

my pink highlights!

The candy bar

the staff working the event

items for the auction


The Salon Files

As most of you die-hard readers know, I am currently airbrush tanning to make a living out here in Cali. It's a ridiculous job so of course I'd have to do it. I started off airbrush tanning in Texas as the tanning manager of a local Fort Worth salon so naturally once I got out here I figured I could make some serious tips if I found a good position.

Well, let me say that working in any spa or salon brings serious dramz. I'm not kidding. You would think I was working at Sunset Tan with all the crap that goes on here - but it's not even at my salon. Our studio is within a high profile hair salon and 100% of the immaturity and idiocy is result from the stylists. Yes, that might be a tad harsh and offensive but these people know that they are not a delight to work with.

I'm just going to give you a run-down of everyone here: pretty much every male stylist is gay. Duh. Most of them like to wear eyeliner on nights out and even my hairdresser enjoys getting botox, airbrush tans, the whole nine yards. He does some great hair though (even if it takes him FIVE hours for a cut and highlight). I'm def not in Texas anymore.

The women, in my opinion, are okay stylists but not absolutely fabulous. They do a good 'do but I wouldn't trust them with my hair.

The best women in the salon are the make-up artists/waxers who are fun, outgoing and not nutcases.

I think you might be thinking, "Kirbie! You're shooting yourself in the foot saying all of this. What if they read it?" Well, first of all, nothing that I am saying isn't true. I speak the truth, folks. And second, I'm not being offensive to the people who are actually nice to me. So there.

Anyway, I pray to God that if any of you come into this salon that you DO NOT under any circumstance get your nails done. They charge an arm and a leg yet don't cut your cuticles OR give you the blissful foot/hand massage that one (such as moi) comes to expect from a great mani/pedi. The HORROR. But seriously, one woman barely coated my nails and the other one made me think Helen Keller started a manicuring business. It's THAT bad.

So my point? Last night we had a benefit and I was all kinds of worried about what the crazies at the salon were going to do. Everything was going smooth until sure enough the crazy old manicure lady, who on various occasions has mentioned that she used to "perform" (aka strip) and could get us any drug we wanted (no thank you), busts out a tamberine and starts attempting to shake it to the beat of the DJ's music. FAIL. Did not even come close to the beat. Not to mention she got drunk, painted some people's nails which, honestly, didn't really affect the outcome because it looks like she's drunk painting all of the time, and then started doing real bizarre dance moves. Not to mention she starting singing "Christmas Don't Be Late" by The Chipmunks at the end of the night while the tanning girls and myself were trying to clean up.

Life in Beverly Hills. What a scary yet interesting place to be - and ironically the most luxurious.

Oct 11, 2009


Well I decided to get on iTunes and download a bunch of great songs. Here's what I'll be pumping up to at the gym (or walking down the street, or in the car, or...)

- It's My Life/Confessions (Glee boys)
Um, WHO created this mash up?! Seriously, such a stroke of genius. This song is my song to Erin Enke. We would sing it in my '97 Sebring Convertible (yes, I rocked a grandma car in high school) with the top down. Our favorite rendition had to be the Texas twang version. I still vow to this very day to sing it to her at her wedding.
This song works a lot better than the girls' version of "Halo/Walkin' on Sunshine" and it's really catchy. Plus I totally dig the guy in the wheelchair's voice. I don't even care that they completely autotuned the song's brains out.

- One Less Lonely Girl (Justin Bieber)
I read on Twitter that one of my friends would "totally love" this kid if she was 14 years old. Look, I don't need to be 14 to enjoy good pop music or 14-year-old boys. Get your mind out of the gutter people. I actually have enjoyed Justin's voice since I stumbled upon him on YouTube a year and a half ago singing a great rendition of Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me a River." Now he's under the direction of Usher so I'm sure he'll have a great career ahead of him. If you want to drift back to middle school and thank God that you're not enduring the mental torture you (or at least I) went through during that stage in life then download "One Less Lonely Girl."

- Haven't Met You Yet (Michael Buble)
It's rare that I can look at a man and get weak in the knees. I could be sitting and my knees would buckle just by taking a good look at Michael Buble. I mean OH MY GOD. The man's voice? Screw a wedding band, I'd make him stand up on stage and sing to me the entire duration of our reception. As my friend Laura calls him, he's a total snack pack. Yum.
This is a really cute song that offers hope to all of those out there that might have broken up with whom they thought was "the one." Oh Michael, you're such a cutie. And in case you've been living in a hole, his ex-girlfriend is the soon-to-be Mrs. John Krasinski, Emily Blunt.

- Mother We Just Can't Get Enough (New Radicals)
If you like their song "You Get What You Give" or the movie A Walk to Remember then you'll surely love this song from New Radicals. I forgot how wonderful it was until Val and I watched AWTR today. Every time I hear it I feel revved up, like I can conquer anything. Plus the lyrics are some of my favorites. "There's something about you that makes me fly, you're a heart attack just the kind I like."

Just for kicks

The roomies and I have been spending our precious time on MorphThing.com. Trust me, it's addicting. Here are just a few of my morphs:

Me, Val and Ali

Me and JT

Kirbie and Zac Efron

Kirbie and Britney Spears

Kirbie, Britney Spears AND The Tiz (Ashley Tisdale)

Me and STU!!!! haha it looks like an elf?

Oct 10, 2009

Things come full circle

*I want to preface this post by saying that I met some people who are in the public eye. Although I was excited to meet them, I want to acknowledge that they are regular people who also deserve their right to privacy. I am not discussing anything derogatory or personal about them, so I don't feel like this blog has anything wrong with it. The point of my blog is to take my readers through my life day-to-day and get to live through the "experience" of being in LA with me.*

Okay. So, tonight was a great night! I wasn't feeling 100% but I was determined to do two things today: a) work out and b) go to the TCU game watching party at Capitol City Sports bar.

Happily I was able to do both. The smoke at the bar was increasing my cough however it wasn't going to keep me from having a good time. I met up with some friends, some new, some old, and I was so happy to see everyone there.

The surprise of the night was when JC (Chasez - *NSYNC and America's Best Dance Crew) showed up. Everyone was whispering but I knew none of them truly had the memories I did of him.

This might be embarrassing to some but not to me! It is my blog after all. When I was 13 I loved *NSYNC. Everyone had a favorite and mine was JC. We can all be honest here, he had the best voice and awesome dance moves. I basically knew nothing would ever happen with him since he's 10 years my senior, however I still loved him anyway. We would travel from concert to concert to watch them put on the best stage show EVER.

Well, I don't know if you recall my post from August 14th, 1999, but that date was infamous for me because it was the day I got to go on stage with *NSYNC and that day that my mom convinced JC to let me kiss him on the cheek. In true Kirbie fashion we have this all on tape so there is proof.

So let's go back to present day. We're at Capitol City Sports bar and JC is there. I have a very strict policy of not bothering celebrities because it's annoying and I get all kinds of flustered. However my friends (cough Glenton, cough Mckenzie) told me since my mom bet me $100 to bring up this "kiss on the cheek incident" that I absolutely had to do it. So we go to the bar where he's at and after taking my sweet time I approached him.

I introduced myself and told him about our encounter when I was the young age of 13. He laughed and actually remembered! He couldn't have been nicer and even mentioned how fun of a story that was and that things come full circle.

So, I can vouch for anyone who has ever met him: he's the nicest guy ever.

However, things didn't end there. His friend, Pete, whom I had met prior to introducing myself to JC, asked me what my last name was. "Johnson...?" "Do you know Suzanne and Shawnie?"

Turns out Pete, JC's friend, is roommates with two girls I work very closely with at the salon! It was nuts because just last week Shawnie as telling me how she met JC and how he's friends with her roommate Pete. He figured I was the Kirbie they referred to because he had never heard of another Kirbie. Thanks Mom for my original name :)

See? Things do come full circle. If I hadn't approached JC I wouldn't have met Pete or known that we had a "link" to each other. Pete and JC were both nice guys and needless to say it was nice to meet some nice guys here in LA.

After that I was sitting alone at a table (all of my fellow frogs peaced out) when some guy who referred to me as "Texas" told me to come and join their table. Turns out he was from Texas as well and his friends were from Louisiana, cheering on LSU. One of his friend was Trichelle from Real World Las Vegas! She is the nicest person ever and even offered to help me on my journey to become an E! correspondent.

Needless to say tonight I met a bunch of really nice people. It gets hard to remember that when you're living in a town where everyone thinks they're better than everyone else. However I know God did a great thing by reminding me that nobody is truly better than anyone and to take pride in myself. And hopefully I have some new friends.

Oct 9, 2009

"Please, WEAR PANTS."

Alright. So I've caught you up on a few shenanigans of my sophomore year in college, but this one was probably one of the more humbling experiences I ever went through.

AT TCU, one of the more popular fraternities has a huge foam party every fall. It's invite only and everyone had told me how fun it was my freshman year so I was pretty excited to do this particular year. Basically they take this old warehouse and cover it with trash bags, have heaters everywhere and a DJ elevated above the foam for everyone's enjoyment. It was the week before Halloween so it was cold - yet everyone was decked out in beach attire. Seriously, this is why I love(d) college. You could do stupid crap like this and it was completely acceptable because we were all young and had really no responsibility at all.

The night started off with a pre-party, where a majority of the guys (and girls) get drunk and take a million pictures. Everyone runs around, mingles or plays drinking games until it's time for the buses to leave the Greek. Once we get to the warehouse everyone gets into their "foam" attire which resulted in everything from floatation devices, snorkeling gear to straight up swimsuits. I was warned: wear bottoms. But I didn't know what that meant... I figured it was foam so what could be the big deal, right? WRONG. So entirely wrong.

I will admit I had a blast. It was one of the best parties I ever attended in college. And since it was my sophomore year I was completely sober for all of it (I'm dead serious). We got there I think at like 8:00 and were probably the last people out of there with the exception of five. Yes, four hours dancing, slip'n'sliding and overall acting like idiots. I think it was the best because you didn't have to care about what you looked like because everyone had foam all in their hair and on their face.

I quickly found out why people suggested I wear pants. Now, I'm not particularly keen on pants in the first place anyway (just ask my sorority sisters) but I should have listened to everyone who was advising me. I remember running back to my dorm that night before going out for late night Denny's and realizing that my bottom was on FIRE. I had never felt this pain before and also my legs were totally rashed out. I figured it was just an allergic reaction to the foam but would quickly go away.

Well, my legs did clear up. They cleared up the very next day, actually. But I remember going to bed that night wearing a pair of velour pants only to wake up with them literally stuck to my behind. I had been ambushed by my little because it was "big-nap" meaning the newly crowned "bigs" in the sorority are pretty much tortured by being woken up at an obscene hour in the morning and taken to breakfast by their little. As I got out of bed to get ready, I remember telling Laura that I couldn't take my pants off because they were stuck to my body. The nurse in her quickly came out and she asked me to try to remove them so she could inspect my bum. Completely mortified and in complete pain, I did so and I knew the immediate "Oh my GOD!" and laughter had to be something bad.

Turns out I danced and slipped and slided a little too much that night. I can honestly say my skin was rubbed raw. Like, imagine rug burn. They multiply that by 1000.

The solution? I had to go to the drugstore and by diaper rash cream. I mean, I don't really know what was more embarrassing. The fact that the store clerk probably thought I had a baby or that I was buying it for my own personal use.

I became the ongoing spectacle in the Theta house - everyone was stopping by my room and to see my infamous bottom. I even had jokes that I was a literal "pain in the a$$." Har har.

I decided to keep the joke alive every year by offering the diaper rash ointment to anyone going to that party during chapter meeting and therefore advising them something I learned from various Theta's from PC '03: wear pants.

Oct 6, 2009

More October shenanigans

October brings back so many memories. For instance, the October of my sophomore year was especially fantastic. I started dating a new guy who literally put on a huge production for our first date. It was awesome. It was homecoming month, Halloween month (I painted my nails about every two days in the colors of black and glow-in-the-dark), initiation month... everything was happening. Not to mention I had the BEST ROOMMATE EVER, Laura. Seriously, this is how we decided to be roommates.

Via facebook:
"Dude. Did you see who all is living in the Thouse next year?"
"Yeah. Want to live together?"

Little did Lo and I both know that it would probably be the best decision ever. We didn't know each other too well, I mean all I really knew was that she was from California and probably came from Babeland and when she brought a Napoleon Dynamite shirt to chapter meeting for our President I knew that we had to be best friends.

So, enter sophomore year. We lofted both of our beds and would lay around and watch "The Simple Life" together in bed. We'd also blast Third Eye Blind and Michael Buble, not to mention would share each others deepest and darkest secrets. Whenever she wasn't crazy busy studying to be a nurse, we'd do outrageous things together. Truly she was such a light in my life when I needed her the most.

Well, it was Halloweekend at good ole TCU which basically meant most people ran around with no pants on. It was also Homecoming so Frog Follies took up a lot of my time (me and my friend Knox were the co-coordinators for that fiasco) and we were constantly caught up in how we could get this one guy in our dance routine to NOT HAVE A HARD ON. During one part of our performance we had the guys go out on stage and dance to the song "Call on Me." Maybe this turns men on, I'm really not sure, however it was seriously offensive and literally after being judged at one of our rehearsals a judge came up to us with a piece of paper with one note that said "Green shorts - please control."

Luckily we got him to put on some jean shorts and tone it down. After Frog Follies ended and we won "Most Spirited" (hahhaaha) it was time for Halloween festivities to begin. I can't even remember what Laura was that year - I think a cat? Whatever, I was Daisy Duke. And that night after attending an alumni Pi Kappa Phi party I got home to our room to see Laura standing in front of the mirror and about six cans of silly string all over the place. I'm talking stuck to the ceiling, all over my bed, the mirror over our sink. It was everywhere! I look at Laura accusingly and she just stops, looks at me (clearly intoxicated) and goes, "I swear I didn't do it!"

"Seriously, I just came home and this was everywhere!"
That's when we doubled over with laughter. We left it there until the next day to clean up (big mistake).

I could have been so easy for anyone to do it. We always left our door unlocked which we definitely needed to reconsider because people were coming in and using my printer to print their research papers and using up all my ink.

We interrogated everyone on our floor and nobody confessed. I later found out by default it was biggers, Elise, and her crazy roommate Katelin, both who lived next door (yes, the Katelin I had freaked out the year after with the "stalker" texts).

Needless to say when we moved out of that room there was still silly string stuck to the ceiling.

Oct 5, 2009

I'm breaking up with someone special in my life...

And unfortunately, it's come to this.


I have loved you since I was 13-years-old. A 10 year long relationship? That's a long time. It's been a little one-sided and after strong consideration it's time to break off my love affair with you.


Well, I broke my own rule today of reading Perez Hilton and found this little gem of an article:

Seriously? ANOTHER girl? I mean you just ended things with Jessica and rumors of Rihanna were running rampant. Sure, maybe this girl is your "cousin" or something and I'd really like to give you the benefit of the doubt but I can't be blind for much longer.

I'm not even sure you're that much of a stand up guy. I'm slightly blinded by your charm, your good looks and the fact that I love pretty much everything do you do - skits on SNL, your music, your dance moves, your close relationship with Ellen, your charity benefits and your clothing line.

But there are things that cannot be overlooked anymore. Just a few examples:

1) The "Cry Me a River" video. COME ON. We know Britney hurt you but displaying dirty laundry for the whole world to see was lame and not to mention screwed Brit Brit up pretty badly. That's not to say that I don't love the song though.
2) The SuperBowl incident. Was it really a wise idea to expose a breast on National TV? No. No it wasn't.
3) You weren't that nice to me when I met you in August of 1999 until you learned who my uncle was while the other guys like Joey, Lance, JC and Chris were all very fun and exciting to be around. And when I was 16 and met you again you were still a sourpuss.
4) You always seem to break off relationships by doing things with another woman. Case and point? Scarlett Johannson while you were dating Cameron Diaz; after you two broke up you immediately started dating Jessica. And now? Jessica to Rihanna.
5) Do you have issues being alone? I think you might. Stay single for awhile... or at least calm down. Please. And just for the sake of saying it: wrap it up. I don't need you running around with a sexually transmitted disease.

I don't know if this is just a break or something permanent, but what I do know is that I will still listen to your music in the gym and I will still apply for jobs at William Rast and Tennman Records. And I will still, without a doubt, love "Mother Lover." However I cannot continue to love a man who doesn't even know who I am.

My best,


Erin Stinkles Enke

She's going to kill me, but this is my BEAUTIFUL bestie Erin. I think everyone has different categories of friends: newfound besties, life long friends and best friends you wish you knew longer. Stinkles and I met in elementary school but didn't become best friends until our junior year of high school.

Let's just say some fun was had. We were always up for something crazy and needless to say my mom loves her so much that we'd all just stand around the island in the kitchen and share gossip. Not to mention she has seen some very incriminating photos of myself that we both took together when we were bored as heck in the town of George :) Harmless, yet hilarious. She is officially a "Johnson" along with my other bff, Jennifer.

So I am posting about her why, you ask? Well, she's getting MARRIED!!!! I can't believe it. Well, I can, but seriously? When did we get old enough to be able to get married? This is as truly terrifying thought. I have already gotten through college, something I felt was so far away at one point in my life; now I'm living on my own in a different state and gosh darnit people are getting married! The first of my friends to get married is one of my best.

I couldn't be more happy for her and her fiance, Wilson and am so looking forward to the next few months. This engagement isn't exactly new - she got engaged a few months ago in Central Park - but I just had to gush about it because I visited her engagement photos site and just about died.

Anyway, this is a mushy post but I love you Stinkles! And I'm so happy for you. I wish I was in Texas so I could be closer and more accessible but dangit I'll be the best MOH you'll ever see.

Oct 4, 2009

Diaries of Ye Old D-Bags: Episode 2, "This is NOT flavor of love!"

So I got spit on.

Yes, it's come to that here in California. Spitting on harmless human beings.

I guess I should elaborate....

Friday night was a fun one. I had dinner at Citizen Smith, a very cool gothic restaurant on Cahuenga (great for Halloween!). The mac and cheese is to die for. After eating, me and some friends gathered at Lola's Martini Bar where the apple martini tastes nothing short of rubbing alcohol. I wouldn't recommend it. From there, I found out that a high school friend was in from Malibu and going to Crown Bar and since we were planning on meeting up with a guy friend there it seemed best that we headed over.

It was about 11:00 when we got to Crown Bar - my high school friend decided to hit up MyHouse so we said a quick hello and goodbye before going into the bar. The DJ was playing great music so of course I was having a great time. I even took a shot which is truly a MONUMENTAL occasion for me because I don't like to do them and rarely ever do. So we danced the night away until the bar increasingly got more packed and we decided to go to MyHouse which is conveniently a block away from my friend's apartment, meaning no more cab fare necessary.

However, I must note that there were paparazzi outside when we left the club and I didn't really think twice about it. Turns out I should have because none other than Justin Timberlake was at the bar from 12:00 am - close, probably entering right when we exited. Seriously, we're getting closer! When Emily texted me that he was there I was truly disappointed. But whatevs.

So we get to MyHouse and we're already having a great time because there are around eight of us and the music is awesome. We took about 10 million stupid photos and danced the night away! Enter "Ye Old D-bags." I just want to clarify for all men that if you are in a club and there is a group of girls (and some guys) dancing together in a circle then it is not necessary nor appropriate to try to dance with these girls. If a girl wants to dance with you, she'll make it pretty loud and clear.

This one guy grabbed my hand and tried to dance with me. I told him "No thank you" and removed his hand from my side when he grabbed my hand and tried to twirl me around, which spilled a majority of my drink on me. Smooth move, idiot. I told him to please leave me alone and when he wouldn't let go I dumped the rest of my drink on his head. Problem solved.

You would think that this might deter him from ever wanting to speak to me again. I don't know if he was just that drunk or completely incompetent but this idiot approached me and the group about four other times. We even had our guy friends tell them to back off.

So it's closing time. Lights on, music off, time to go. I start to walk to the exit when the d-bags approach yet again. What happened next is somewhat of a blur because I was so infuriated, but here's basically what happened. One of the guys made another pass at me by grabbing my bum. I was not happy about this. I turned around and told him that he was short, fat and ugly (probably not the nicest thing to say. Lo siento). Then he made another comment and as I turned around he spit in my hair. Now, I can say this: I didn't feel any saliva. I'm not sure if he just pretended like he was spitting or what. However, the bouncer and four girls behind me saw something, so when I turned around and wanted to slap the guy, the bouncer instead asked me if I wanted to press charges.

I didn't, however I should have... I mean who gets by with treating someone like that? I mean, granted, I should have said what I said. It was rude and you know what? I can admit that. But spitting on someone is truly a blow to mankind.

Oct 2, 2009

Where the Wild Things Are = THE TERROR!!!

Okay. I admit, I haven't seen classics like The Sound of Music. And I haven't read classics like Where the Wild Things Are. I don't know the reasoning for this. However, I do know that the trailers for the movie are enough to scare me silly.

I'm intrigued by the movie and in fact plan on seeing it. However, I'm intrigued because I think I might be absolutely terrified by it. It's like a car crash. It's horrifying but people still slow down to look. It's like me... horrified but determined to still torture myself.

Anyway, as I was getting my hair did at the salon I read an article on Spike Jonze, the director of the film. It was very interesting and I learned a lot about the film:

- It's not a children's film, even though it's about a child.
- The book is not a children's book, even though it's about a child (via Maurice Sendak).
- Universal dropped the film because it wasn't what they thought it was going to be.
- Warner Brothers was very skeptical about the film because it was not "made for children."
- The journalist writing the article told Spike that even he, as a grown man, didn't feel old enough to see the film.
- Reportedly, children left the screening screaming and crying.

I feel relieved to hear all this. Because every time the trailer comes on and that song that goes "L - O, V - E, it's a myst-ery," I feel a little churning in my stomach like I might barf. It's a scary song with scary voices and not to mention SCARY monsters are appearing on the screen. Yes, these "things" are scary. You'd be crazy not to think so. I mean, look at the above "thing" and tell me it's not slightly horrifying.

However, lest us not forget my intense fear of Alice in Wonderland and, particularly, the Cheshire Cat. This is essentially an Alice in Wonderland story - the boy, who is slightly rambunctious, runs away to a land where the wild "things" are; by himself, with no one to help him (essentially like Alice). Now, I haven't read Things (all 10 pages) but I'm sure it's somewhat similar to what I said above. Hence why I'm terrified. Also, HELLO! Huge toothy grins? Totally cheshire cat-esque.

I will say it's awesome that the "things" are puppets and not just CGI characters. I think this is more enticing for people to see the movie because we'll be able to view something that is somewhat real instead of something computer animated.

Also, here's an interesting tidbit: did you know that Maurice started the book originally using horses instead of "things?" His publisher told him he couldn't draw horses very well and that, well, surely he could draw a "thing!" He modeled the things off his aunts and uncles.

I mean, I'm pretty sure my aunts and uncles would be pissed if I said I modeled "things" off of them and they looked like giant cats.

You can see Where the Wild Things Are in theaters on October 16th.

Oct 1, 2009

Pranks part II

Guess I'm sleeping on the roof tonight guys

Don't worry, if you're wondering if I ever got "pranked" back, well, yes. I did. And at first it was funny until a lot of things went downhill.

I'm going to say this: I was never mad at the fact that they pranked me. I got mad that they didn't bother to help me out in the end, nor did their prank come anywhere near the harmless pranks I was playing. However great job ladies... you got me.

One quiet night it was time to have our weekly exec meeting. So we all got cooped up in Katelin's room to talk about... well, nothing. I don't think Molly (a bff) had anything to do with this but then again who knows. And even though Lindsey is a bff we both like to make each other as miserable as we possibly can, so she was totally in on the prank.

SO, we're all sitting in the meeting not doing much of anything. I'm wondering out loud if we can leave because I was in the middle of writing three separate papers and all that jazz. Little did I know that when I walked out of Katelin's room that all hell had broken loose in the Thouse. I'm pretty sure every girl living there had recruited a friend or boyfriend to help play the most massive trick possible.

I don't even remember how I realized what was going on, but I do remember going upstairs and seeing my bed linens strewn all over the hall on the third floor (I was on the second floor). Cue instant screaming. I'm talking like Regina George style in Mean Girls. This helped to get everyone more excited because it marked that I realized what was going on. I make my way downstairs to my entire room toliet papered and shaving creamed - not to mention a gaggle of Thetas were outside watching and smiling. Out of consideration they shut my computer before demolishing my desk with shaving cream - however, they didn't know that if you closed my computer it would completely shut off and would not under any circumstance recover any documents, or say, massive papers due the next day.

Guess I should shave my legs now.

It wasn't over. Where were my beds!? I lived in a room alone and had two beds to myself. I ran downstairs to find my mattresses outside - one in a tree and one on the roof. Seriously? FML. Not to mention every bra I owned was connected and strewn about in a tree like Christmas lights.

It's a bird... it's a... well?

Haha, funny guys! Jokes over. Now, help me get my mattresses!


Not one person helped. So, I got the mattress I could get (the one in the tree) and hauled it upstairs to my room. A dear friend in the pledge class below me, Christin, came up to my room around 1:00 am with my other mattress - she had gotten a guy to help her get it off the roof.

I think the kicker was that after I took a late shower I went to my drawer only to find NO UNDERWEAR. Not one piece. After sternly asking around, I finally got out of someone that my panties were currently freezing in the kitchen.

Did I deserve to be pranked? Sure. The whole thing would have been more comical had I not had to start over my papers. But frankly I felt kind of flattered that everyone in the house worked so hard to get me back. :)


October is the best month for pranks. Being as festive as I am, I would decorate the Theta House every year, without fail, so that I could feel for at least a month that I was living in a home and not a sorority house.

With all the decorating came long hours of me standing on ladders to hang spiderwebs, hauling bags upon bags of M&Ms and candy corn into the Thouse, and a lot of quiet. So obviously I would do things to entertain myself. For instance, as I'd paste up door sized skeletons in the stairwell I would hide around the corner once I heard someone entering the stairs or exiting the hall. I would then jump out and scare the living bejeezus out of them... it was amusing and I continued to do this to almost everyone in the house.

When they weren't praising me for my wonderful decor, my Theta sisters were fearing me. Yes, I was "that girl," the one running around and scaring everyone. If you hadn't been scared in the hall, no worries, I would find a way. Turning off bathroom lights, hiding in closets, jumping out of doorways - basically I was the biggest pain in the a$$ the Thouse had ever experienced.

Looking back, I know I felt what I was doing was innocent. But some people don't take to being scared that well. I probably should have toned it down... but alas go big or go home, right?

Besides scaring people, I got one of my closest friends, Lara, to help me with a prank. It wasn't anything except completely idiotic, but we got on google and searched... ahem, "male genitalia" if you will and printed out pictures of weird photos before sliding them under closed doors, taping them up and making them desktop backgrounds (nobody locked their door in the Theta house). We got a huge kick out of the fact that even though I was creating all kinds of chaos in the house that nobody (except Lindsey, one of my best friends) knew it was me and Lara doing all of this. It was also highly amusing standing in the hall and hearing "OH MY GOD! EW!" or hysterical laughter.

Once that prank was over, it was time to move on to bigger and better pranks. At this point I was on the executive committee in the sorority and had grown close to a lot of my executive peers. Our harmlessly frivolous and self-deprecating President, Katelin, went through the ringer with our sorority, dealing with all kinds of shenanigans. I can't go into too much detail, but let's just say that Katelin had somewhat of a "weirdo stalker." Lindsey, our VP of Development had various experiences with this "stalker" on certain occasions and it was pretty much known that this person was completely insane.

My idea? Well, I was going to need to solicit the help my fellow executives. First, what would be the prank? I was going to somehow change my number in Katelin's phone to the name of the stalker. Then I was going to send some terrifying text messages just to see what happened.

How was this to happen? Well, it went down pretty perfectly. Lindsey enters Katelin's room on the first floor acting very serious, basically demanding Katelin come up to her third floor room. Once that happens, our friend Laura is hiding in Lindsey's closet, and Courtney is waiting in the room. To keep Katelin occupied, Courtney tells her that there is a huge problem, being that one of our new members was pregnant. This was completely false however it pretty much allowed me to run downstairs, change the name and get back to my room before anyone noticed.

However, this was a serious issue after all, so Katelin kept wanting to talk and talk and talk about the options. Laura, still hiding in the closet, was keeping me updated as to if she sounded like she might head back to the first floor or not. When she finally did leave, I sent a text message. I can't really remember what it said, but it was something to the effect of "Katelin, we really need to talk." Katelin gets this as I coincidentally bypass her in the hall. She thinks it's kind of weird but quickly forgets about it.

At this point me, Lindsey, Courtney and Laura are all together on the stairwell looking at Katelin on the first floor. I had just send my next message, which was, "I'm outside your window, let me in." Or something. I really can't remember, but what I *can* remember is the look of sheer terror on Katelin's ghost white face when she got that text. She kind of yelled, ran up the stairs and stumbled onto the ground. And then cried.

Uh, whoops! That was NOT the reaction I was going for. At this point the rest of us are crying too, however it was of the laughter kind. Katelin seemed pretty disoriented at this point until we told her not to worry, her crazy psycho stalker was not outside her window... it was just me.

Needless to say I felt pretty crappy about it the next day but it was a memory I'll never forget.

"The bewitching hour is about to begin!"

"Winifred Sanderson: WHY? Why was I cursed with such IDIOT sisters?
Sarah: Just lucky, I guess. "

Ohhh how I love thee, Hocus Pocus.

And how I LOVE YOU October! Great things happen in October. First and foremost, it's Halloween month. If you don't know me, then you don't know how much I truly adore this holiday. I grew up with probably the best Halloween experiences in the world; I lived the the Halloween parade at school - I was never "too cool" to dress up - and I had probably (in my own opinion) the most coveted Halloween party for 13 good years. Without fail, my mom would dress up at the Wicked Witch and invite over a handful (then a gaggle, then dozens) of my friends for games, ghost stories and of course a ton of treats which would culminate in a sleepover and a huge breakfast the next morning. Eventually this turned into seeing a scary movie or hitting up a haunted house; my outfits went from Cinderella to Britney Spears. We'd inevitably have about a million pieces of random costumes left at our house - a mad scientist beaker, a Miss America sash, cat ears, etc.

This annual party brought me the best of memories.

Maybe that's why I totally decked out the apartment last Friday. Who cares if it wasn't even October then! I'm pretty sure Ali and Val are enjoying my decorating efforts along with the abundance of Theta mix in the living room.

Skull of boyfriend's past, the infamous Theta mix and a little pun'kin

I hope you all enjoyed the design change on the blog - it's pretty festive, right? I mean I have the Michael Jackson "Thriller" look down pretty good in my photo, don'tcha think? :)

The sliding-glass door decor

Anyway, expect a lot of fun stories reminiscing of some of the best experiences I have had in this wonderful month of October.

Happy Haunting!!!

AH! Nomi!!!! Casper is upon you!

Black lights = necessary for random dance parties

Candy corn string lights (too bad you can't see the detail)

Contrary to popular belief, I clean the kitchen daily and these spiderwebs are not the result of laziness.

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