Jul 23, 2010

I (don't) heart LA

Does anyone really like Los Angeles?  I know it's the "City of Angels," but I've met people here who make it seem more like it's the "City of Satan."  So many Californians that I have come to be good friends with over the years tell me how people in LA shouldn't reflect how the rest of the state is.  But sometimes when you're surrounded with people who are all about themselves and who only care about what you can do for them, you get drained and unhappy.

I am seriously lacking friendship in my life.  I'm so thankful that some of my besties are coming in September; however, that doesn't ignore the fact that I don't have people here that I can truly trust and confide in.  I feel like I haven't met one person here since my time in LA that I've felt 100% comfortable with, and that's really upsetting for me.  In school, I had a gaggle of friends who, gratefully, were all people I could talk to, cry to, laugh with, get into trouble with.... they were all amazing and I have virtually picked myself out of the pile and removed myself to a place where sometimes people don't even think twice about bumping into you.

It's scary.  I know some of my friends who are older all moved away and did their thing elsewhere, but ended up moving back to the Great State because, well, it's a great state.  Not to mention their friends and family were there.  I can't help but to think that maybe LA is not the place for me and that Texas is really where I should be.  I have an overwhelming sense of peace when I'm there: nothing to worry about, life is good, I'm happy as a clam.  I can hang out with my best friends in the evenings or on the weekends, and I can be assured that I don't have to validate parking anywhere, worry about finding parking in the first place; HEB and Central Market are close, I know where all the best shopping is, and I also know that I'll be able to go to TCU games as a proud alum.  These are all things I wish I had the comfort of.  Being 23, I'm at a time in my life where I'm doing a lot of soul searching: what should I be doing?  Where should I be?  Am I doing the right thing?

I know I had these big dreams of moving to California because this is where the industry is, but I am also wondering if it's worth losing my mind over.  I want friends.  I want my family.  I want to feel like one aspect of my life is progressing, and I came out here for my career, and I can tell you that I am not happy with where it's going.

So what's more important?  Sticking it out or being truly happy?

I'm hoping God will guide me in the right direction and give me some solace about what I need to be doing right now.  I know what I love: writing, events, and entertainment, but I don't know if Los Angeles is meant to be a part of that mix.

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