Jul 25, 2010

Pity party, table for one

I've decided to hop off the pity party train, as well as the worried, anxious and fearful ports of transportation as well.  They're not useful and I'm starting to realize none of them have actually taken flight, left the dock, pulled out of the train station, etc.  They're getting me nowhere.

It's so easy to be scared of the unknown and to be scared of change.  I've been praying to God a lot about this and yesterday he brought an overwhelming calm over me.  It was kind of bizarre.  In the back of my head, I kept saying to myself "shouldn't I be scared?  Upset?  Anxious at least?"  But I couldn't muster up those feelings, no matter how hard I tried. 

It's not a coincidence.  As I read in my blessing book, the word "luck" and "coincidence" are not vocabulary words that should be a part of a christian mindset, because everything happens for a distinct reason.  

This calmness is also contributed to my wonderful family, who I actually got to speak a lot with on Friday; my dad, my cousin, my mom; and my friends as well -- a roommate, Laura, whom I haven't seen in about two years.  She's in Cali, but we won't end up getting to see one another.  Regardless, it was good to hear her voice and talk about things, like we never were apart from one another.

Then, I received a really wonderful note from my mentor, Tara.  She read my "I (don't) heart LA" post and decided to send me a little note.  It means a lot to me that she sent it to me because it helped me out tremendously.  Here's a little snippet:

"You have a dream...go after it! You've hardly been there a year...it will take more time...but don't get discouraged.  You're only 23...you don't have to have all the answers right now.  Live...find happiness in this moment...don't waste your 20's worrying about what you haven't done yet...just do life."

Any friends or family going through the same thing, take Tara's advice!  I always heard your 30s are the best, because in your 20s you're still figuring yourself out.  Tara, thank you so much for writing me.  You have no idea how much it truly means to me.

She's right though.  I'm 23.  I moved to a place I always wanted to.  And while I'm learning a lot about the city (positives and negatives), I need to enjoy being here while I am.  Who knows, I could be in San Fran next year, Denver the year after, Dallas a year after that.  Who knows where I will end up.  But what I'm positive about is that I will end up exactly where I'm supposed to be, and I will be surrounded with people I'm supposed to be with. 

Today I'm headed to the beach with work husband #3, Rocky.  I tweeted that I'm pretty much a polygamist with my work spouses, but they're all gay, so I'm pretty sure they'll be more excited about each other than me anyway. :)  

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