Dec 27, 2010

Short blurbs that aren't worth a full post

- It's the night of my birthday and for the past three years I've galavanted downtown to Austin with a gaggle of friends. This year I have decidedly shut down the whole operation because I am sick, and a night on the town isn't going to help me prepare to get stable for the Rose Bowl. I was a little down tonight. It could have been because I know I'm leaving the day after tomorrow, and I always get a tad emotional when I leave home. It's where the heart is, after all. Or it could be that I'm getting older and I really don't want to be. Maybe it's because I'm sick. I know, nobody should cry on their birthday (I felt pathetic doing so), but I teared up when my family was about to sing to me. It was then that my Dad came over and said, "Kirbie, it's not that bad. You're only 24! I'm almost 53 and I don't even cry."

He always helps me to crack a big smile and take my mind off my worries. He knows how to make me feel better. And that is why family is so important. Because in the end, you'll be cutting a bright pink ice cream cake with your family when no one else will. :)

PS Thank you all again for the kind words today, I feel so special and I feel blessed to have all of my friends in my life.

- Mom and I are watching Hoarders. What the hell? It says that hoarding is a mental disorder that affects three million people. THREE MILLION. Um, can we be honest here? Hoarding is really just something I like to call laziness and lack of self control. It's like obesity that is caused by overeating and no exercise. I mean, we're watching this one woman with three children whom all have this gnarly bacterial infection ON THEIR FACES. The Mom can't barely maneuver around the kitchen because there's so much ca-rap everywhere, and the middle daughter has written letters about how she feels unloved with the house being so dirty -- so much so that she's depressed and wishes she could kill herself. Uh, lady, get your act together!!!! It's not hard to clean dishes, or clean up a room, or, you know, throw crap away that you don't need? I can barely sleep on sheets that have gone two weeks without washing; watching this show puts shivers up my spine. A woman just goes, "IT'S A POSSUM! A POSSUM! PICK 'EM UP BY HIS TAIL AND SHAKE 'EM!" Seriously.

- Relationships. Aren't they special? Yeah, if you're in one. Ladies, can I say this politely? I'm trying to find the "right" way to say this without ruffling any feathers. If your boyfriend is rude to you in public, if you constantly fight with another; even if you don't, if you feel like you're working entirely too hard to make things work, chances are you are right. I've been in better long-distance relationships with people than some of the five-minute-away relationships you're currently in. If he's constantly making some dumb@ss move to upset you, if he goes on drinking binges and texts his friends about how hot another chick is, if you would drop all your plans/rearrange your life to spend time with him but he won't do the same for you... I have to tell you something: he is not in love with you.

Yeah, that might be hard to swallow. But I know I'm right. How do I know this? Because there is a guy out there who knows the right things to say or do, who is man enough to realize you are the only person he desires (and no one else will compare), that would drop anything and everything, would drive/fly/crawl to see you if only for five minutes, if that meant seeing your face. Yes, there are men out there like this, and I know because my dad feels that way about my mother. My best friend Erin's husband (crazy that I'm saying that!!!) feels that way about her. I'm only 24 but I know these things are real. When you see them happen between other people, you wonder why some people are dealing with the shenanigans they're dealing with.

I'm speaking to a few particular groups. First up: The "But he's a great catch!" group. Okay, he may be great. He may be "nice." He may not be doing anything wrong (or intentionally wrong), but he's not doing a lot of the right things either. He's nice, but he's not the nice guy for you. I mean, there are the great guys that aren't giving you what you need, but they're still a great catch. And those types of guys don't exactly need to change, it's just that the chemistry isn't there. But don't use that as an excuse to keep perpetuating a relationship that's going to go nowhere. Don't settle if the feelings or emotions aren't there.

Then there is a horse of a different color I'm reaching out to. The "But there's nothing wrong!" group (or there probably is but you're in denial). Listen, I can't speak for anyone but myself, but if I'm in a relationship, I'm thinking the person I'm with is worth inspecting to see if he could be my future mate. If we're dating, that's another thing. That's for kicks, someone with no real strings attached (which can be great if that's what you're looking for). But if I like someone enough to risk going FBO (Facebook Official), then chances are I'm wondering if this is a man worth keeping. And I'm positive most women feel the same way. (Guys, that's a useful piece of info for you as well.)

SO, with that being said, what are you women(men?) doing in a relationship with someone whom you have no reason to want to keep for the future? He won't mature, he won't commit, he won't compromise, he won't give you the time you deserve -- more seriously, if he won't stop excessively using alcohol or is doing drugs, it's time to walk out the door. Don't look back, just walk out. Because if you're spending your time thinking you're going to change him, let me tell you, you won't. He will change when (and if) he wants to, and sadly, sometimes they won't ever change. In the movies, when the guys are like, "You've changed me!" to their sweetheart, it's usually after she's pretty much kicked him to the curb and has moved on and they're both crying in the rain and she's probably about to cheat on her fiance. But yeah, it's then that the guy decides to pull it together and change for the better. It's not during a blow-up fight that he's like, "EPIPHANY! I need to change/I want to change to make this work. And you sitting here crying has made me realize that." Nope, it usually doesn't go down that way.

Lastly, there's the "But he doesn't know what he wants!" group. How do I get through to you people? Your group, in particular, is the hardest group because the guy has you in a mind trap: he wants to take a break, he has "broken up" (quotations are his terms, not yours) with you, wants all the benefits of being with you (calling and talking, intimacy, all of the comfort zones guys need) but doesn't want to commit. He doesn't want the responsibility of being a boyfriend, but doesn't want to lose you either. He wants his cake and to eat it too (hate that phrase but it's fitting). NEWS FLASH: there is someone out there what would make a decision to be with you in a split second. They do not want risk the chance of losing you. It doesn't matter what is going on, they want to be with you 24-7, 365, on the reg-u-lar.

Now, what you should do is have a clean break up: a simple discussion about what is going to happen and why it has to happen that way (i.e. "We cannot be in contact if you do not see yourself with me at this point..."), and then prepare yourself to move on. Yet there is serious drama that occurs with this particular group that prohibits things from going this way.

Half of all this drama is due to the fact that everyone is all about being friends with their exes. First off, why torture yourself? This is the kind of poison that will tarnish any probability of a future friendship. I will admit that I'm friendly with a select few of my exes (there aren't a lot, which is why it's a select few). But I can tell you that after every break up it took some serious time before we could become friends -- that means we're friend-ly, not hanging out three times a week-- and that's just the normal part of moving on. It's hard to go from loving someone to just being a friend, anyone knows this to be true (it's not rocket science). And most guys, if they want to be with you, don't want you just as a friend. They want you on a deeper level. So save yourself some strife and let bygones be bygones, and maybe at one point you can be friendly.

The other half of the drama is because you two don't know if it's "the end." Will you get back together? Will you not? You love each other but the timing is wrong? The distance is too hard? Your lives are too busy? Whatever the reason, know this: if it's meant to work out, it will. But you have to move on. Move forward, leave the relationship behind. If you are supposed to be with that person, you will be. Easier said than done, but it's true.

I know there are some cases where couples have to break up/take a break/ whatever -- they come to a crossroad and things have to change for awhile -- and it ends up strengthening their bond and they get back together. But that's because they legitimately break up/take a break. They cut off all communication. They do not speak. They do not see each other. (Pretty much the definition of breaking up.) They isolate themselves from one another, and either they both realize they're better off or they realize they're meant to be.

Just remember this: Nobody that truly cares for you will play with your mind or your heart.

Hope I didn't lose a large majority of my female friends for this, but since I've been getting a rather large earful of relationship issues from you gals, I figured I'd put it the best way I could: in writing.

Decide for yourself you deserve someone who makes you want to be better than you are yet makes you feel like you have nothing to change. That's the type of person everyone deserves.

Location:Deer Trail,Georgetown,United States

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