Jan 5, 2011

All you need is love

I think God has been putting a certain theme into my life this past week.  Well, weeks I guess I should say.  I went home for the holidays on the 23rd and spent some quality time with my Mom, Dad, cousins, Aunts, Uncles and my little brother (who is certainly not little -- apparently one of my ex boyfriend's saw me at the movie theater with him and thought he was my "date."  Gag.). 

Christmas was different this year because it was more about family than anything.  Instead of Nick waking me up at 6:00 a.m. to open gifts, we slept in and Mom woke us all up for pancakes.  We leisurely ate and watched A Christmas Story before deciding to gather in the living room. For me, this emphasis this year wasn't on the gifts.  Don't get me wrong, I got some nice things (and cool stuff I can't wait to post about!), but it wasn't the cherry on top of everything.  It was watching the Christmas parade on the couch and napping and spending time with the family all together. 

After my birthday I headed back "home" to Los Angeles, a place that might have questionable morals, is 100% crazy and a little hectic at times, but is a place I truly do love being at my age.  I returned here early because, as you all know, my precious Horned Frogs were going to be bringing home a true victory at the Rose Bowl, and God had planned it so that all some of my bests would be in town to ring in my first new year in Los Angeles with me.  So many of them asked, "Kirbie, how do you live here?"  It's surely not for everyone.  The weather is great, there is so much opportunity here, but you really do have to adapt -- especially if you live in the city of LA, not a suburb.  I do believe it when they say that the people who live here are strong willed and have a thick skin.  Most people don't come here loving it.  I certainly didn't -- I knew in my heart God's plan was for me to be here, but it would have been so much easier to move back to Dallas.  Now I am finding this is my "home away from home" for the time being.

Anyway, after everyone left I spent some time reflecting on last year and what opportunities may lie ahead this year.  During the past three days, a consistent message has been implanted in my head.  It revolves around love.

Granted, love is a big part of my life,  but these past few days have had blinking signs that say, "LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED!"  First off?  My mom called me on Sunday and (per usual) we were discussing a myriad of topics, one being love.  We got to chatting about how I cannot fathom what it feels like to be married, to have a husband, to be a Mom.  That maybe I'm not cut out for those things?  Aren't you supposed to at least envision what you'd look like in a wedding a dress as a woman?  She assured me that at some point I will certainly know those feelings because it will be the right time.  That I'll "just know."  I then let her know that it's doubtful I'll find true love here in Los Angeles.

"You never know," she said.  "God works in mysterious ways. Maybe you'll meet someone there who will change your life; maybe you'll meet someone across the country, across the world!  An that person will be more important than anything else.  I want you to accomplish your dreams and your career goals, but I want you to be able to have a true love in your life, Kirb.  It's worth it." 

So that was my first love-filled message.  To be honest, when she said that I was kind of hesistant.  Like, NO! I don't want to put a man before my dreams.  But I guess that's the independant woman inside my head screaming for freedom.  I know at some point there will be a human being that is more important than my career, but right now I can't picture it.

Then I was watching Millionaire Matchmaker (don't judge me).  I was laying in bed and their client was the son of the man who founded the Cookie Diet.  He seemed pretty bland and a little arrogant (stereotypical clients on this show) but one thing he said really stood out to me.  They asked him why he was ready to find love -- he was in his 40s.  And he goes, "I was watching Joan Rivers' documentary, and with tears streaming down her face, she said, 'I have nobody to say 'Remember when?' with.'"  That hit me hard.  Joan Rivers had a career, then it floundered for awhile, and now it's back.  But she has no one to show for it.  What's the point of having success when you don't have a person to share the details with?

Finally, this morning, I was listening to Joel Osteen before work.  His message was about the journey of life, not the finish line.  That many of us live for the big moments: graduating high school, graduating college, prom, getting our license, landing a big promotion, etc., but we don't enough those days in between.  We need to be entertained 24/7 and feel the constant need to be busy.  I know I suffer from this complex and not until recently did I start to enjoy my down time.  He also talks about family and how you need to take time to enjoy them and the people in your life.  Frankly, they won't be around forever. 

He talks about Dion Sanders and how his life goal was to win The Superbowl.  And he did.  But Dion says that when he won, he got home and felt disappointed.  "This is it?"  He felt like he had accomplished all that he wanted.  But there will always be new dreams after your accomplish old ones; there will always be new struggles as well.  A majority of your life are those in-between times, so live your life!  Enjoy the walk.

I've decided that God is foreshadowing in my life.  That my career may take a big turn, but I need to keep my focus on things that matter most (family and friends); to keep my priorities straight.  While I should work hard, be ambitious and be determined, I need to appreciate who and what is around me.  The journey of life is worth looking forward to, not just those "main events." 

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