Jan 19, 2011

The Bachelor recap: Week 3

I really hate to admit it but I'm all over this season of The Bachelor.  I didn't think it could get any more ridiculous than "On the Wings of Love" with America's favorite jerk, Jake Pavelka, but alas, The Bachelor is back to normal: a Bach we all love, and a bunch of crazy women.

So everyone knows the basics:  Brad is getting through his second bout at romance with his therapist, everyone loves Emily, and Michelle is a nutjob.  Well, we really didn't know about the latter until this week's episode, where Michelle embarrassed herself by talking about how she wished she could drop kick a few of the ladies, would interrupt Brad's private time with other women, and was acting like a clingy basketcase.

Then there were some other things we started to notice:  Madison, the beautiful yet questionably sane model (with the fangs) is in fact the sanest one of all -- and we like her.  Like, she's pretty cool and seems to have decent intentions. 

Britt is 90's Barbie.  She needs to get pulled out of this funk immediately, starting with her name: for the love, if it's not your God-given name, just upgrade to Brittney or Brittany or SOMETHING.  During rose ceremonies, she dresses like it's tacky prom. Somebody save her.  I also have learned that she was Miss Stanford 2008.  You can find bikini shots if you search for them.

Brad takes Ashley S. on a solo date to Capitol Records, where they record "Kiss from a Rose" by Seal.  NOTE:  "Kiss from a Rose" might just be the most wonderfully-addictive song on the planet.  I can't stop singing it.  It's repeat number on my iTunes?  150.  That's a lot, considering the song is almost four minutes long and I downloaded it on Monday.  Ba da da da da da da, ba da da da.  I've been kissed by a rose on the grave, iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii've been kissed by a rose on the grave.  (If I should fall) kissed by a rose on the grave.  iiiiiiiii've been kissed by a rose on the grave!   ANOTHER NOTE:  Baaayyyybayyyy you're like a growing addiction that I cannot deny. 

Okay, I'm done.  

THE LAST NOTE:  When asked about this song, I told everyone (as the pop culture connoisseur I deemed myself as) that it was written for the Batman Forever movie.  Turns out I was wrong, which really tore me up considering I thought whole-heartedly that I was correct.  Apparently, Seal wrote it when he was homeless.  I had no idea.  However, it attributed to making Batman Forever a huge smash, so I'll give myself that.  On another note (why stop now?), talk about a comeback story: you're homeless, then you get yourself an awesome career and marry Heidi Klum.

Back to the show: Ashley freaks out because she is a horrible singer and is scared to sing on the date, but ends up feeling comfortable when she realizes this is the song Brad picked because she would sing it with her Dad as a kid, and her Dad passed away two years ago from an aneurysm.  (She shares this with Brad on the first date.)  And then Seal pops out of nowhere to sing the song, and Brad and Ashley end up making out on the rooftop after eating some Sushi Roku (this wasn't mentioned but you can't ignore those delicious rolls they were eating).  By the way, I hate to be a downer but I'm sure Ashley put something on her application that was like, "My favorite song is 'Kiss from a Rose' by Seal because it was my Dad and I's song."  So Brad didn't pick it, the producers did.  Go figure.  NO WONDER people feel like they're in love on this show!  I'd be totally DTMO (down to make out) if some guy got Seal to sing us KFAR.  Sheesh.  Ashley gets a rose on the date.

Then there is Emily.  She is literally a God-send.  She's so cute, beautiful and has a truly heartbreaking story.  For all of you who don't know, her fiance Ricky died in a plane crash on the way to his race (he was in racing).  Emily didn't go with him because she felt ill.  She said that, at that point, she wished with all of her might that she was on that plane.  It turns out that the Friday after his passing, she realized she didn't have an illness, she had morning sickness.  She was 18 and pregnant with Ricky's child.  So needless to say tears are flowing at a massive rate at this point.  I can't imagine how terrified yet overjoyed she was to get that type of news, especially after going through all of that at a young age.  Emily tells Brad this story and he handles it with such grace and poise that it's hard not to just adore him.  Madison, having been told this story previously, get emotional and comes to realize that some of these girls need to fall in love, while she just wants to fall in love.

There's a group date, which actually looks like a field trip, and it's hilarious.  Brad gets to show off his abs, Shawntel O. (the funeral director) gets frisky and makes out with him, and Michelle wants to murder her.  But really, who doesn't Michelle want to murder?  All is fair in love and reality television, I suppose.

All of us watching had the same opinion: Michelle is crazy, but we're pretty sure she's a fraud.  There is NO WAY a mother can be that mentally uncapable of carrying on a decent 'relationship' with a guy.  It was so uncomfortable watching her creep on other people's alone time and act like her and Brad were in a three year relationship when they'd only known each other around 10 days time. 

Then I got to researching and found this:

Michelle's career includes this movie, Midway to Heaven, due out in February; a few commercials and a Backstreet Boys video (I don't know which one and I don't care to watch them all). 

So, let me get this straight: she has a movie coming out, she's acting like the 'cray-cray' one on The Bachelor, and it just so happens that (spoiler alert!) she goes on a date next month with Brad and two other Bachelorettes to pose for a photoshoot for Sports Illustrated's February 15th issue, which we can all assume will be the swimsuit issue (via Reality Steve).  Sounds like this girl has a pretty clever publicist and ABC has no qualms about throwing in a few aspiring starlets to make things interesting.

Along the lines of Michelle, she gets the first rose during the ceremony, which really cracked my sh*t up because, hello, SHE'S CRAZY (aka acting like she is).  Affirmative to the book "Men Love Bitches." 

Madison leaves the show because she feels like people like Emily deserve to be there more than she does, and that she doesn't want to take a spot of someone who is desperately seeking love, when she's pretty much there to nom on the free food and have girl talk.  She leaves and we're all sad because we liked her.

They kept featuring this one girl during the rose ceremony that we kept joking was the extra.  "Where did this extra come from?  Was she in craft services the entire show?!  WHO IS SHE?"  They keep panning to this unknown person until she finally receives a rose.  She must of made a *huge* impression on Brad.  Actually, she was probably going home until Madison left.

Here are all the fine ladies Brad managed to make out with on Episode 3:

Damn, Brad.  You don't waste any time.

Tune in next week when Ashley H. loses her marbles!  Until then...

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