Jan 10, 2011

Body language: The Bar Method and The Bachelor

First things first, Congrats to Cam Newton and the Auburn Tigers.  Everyone can crack jokes about Cam 'fulfilling his contract' and all that jazz, but no amount of money can buy talent.  So good job to both teams for keeping it close.  And congrats to the Horned Frogs... cause we won the Rose Bowl!!! (Still psyched.)

Tonight was my first class at The Bar Method and let me tell you, I felt the fat melting away.  Seriously.  First off, my instructor was smokin'.  She was a walking advert.  I would do anything if it meant looking like her... so it got the class started off right.  We jumped right into the good stuff immediately and that meant sculpting -- and then some.  I worked parts of my body I never knew existed.  She gave me some kudos on my form, which got my confidence up since the class was mostly people who had been there more than four times.  The instructors are good at singing praise which is necessary when you're about to pass out.  
When people say you torture yourself in the class, they aren't lying.  You TORTURE yourself.  You use your core, your arms, your legs -- everything -- to the point of no return.  You keep going lower and lower or lift higher and higher until you think your legs are going to give out, and then you take it up another notch.  At one point, as I was explaining to my friend Emily, I was shaking so badly that my legs were actually heating up.  Like, they were warm.  As in my body temperature raised like 10 degrees.  And then I plateaued: it didn't hurt to squat or raise anymore, it would hurt to stand regularly.  I felt like my legs were going to give out at any moment.  I have never shaken so fast and so hard in my life.  But apparently that's the ticket: you're supposed to shake like you have crazy legs.  And while I doubt this is actually true, my instructor was saying something to us as we were all shaking like salt shakers: "YES! If you're shaking, that means pockets of fat are actually popping and turning into muscle."  For whatever reason that visual really appealed to me, so it kept me motivated.

Some pointers: bring socks.  You can't wear shoes.  Wear tights... I wouldn't recommend loose fitting yoga pants.  Bring a bottle of water.  Get your breathing in check because that will help you to make it through the really torturous moments.  And take another class the next day -- don't wait a few days in-between, because the repetition will train your muscles and will stretch you out better.

On to The Bachelor:

"None of these girls are right for him.  He's mine," says Michelle.  Well Michelle, we shall see about that.  I like Michelle. I hope she makes it to the last few episodes because she's going to keep things interesting.  In fact, looks like next week she gets territorial!! YES!  I love it when it gets to this point.   I mean, I can't say I'd blame her.  If I had the hots for a guy and was "exclusively dating him" (as the show tries to promote), I wouldn't want other women's scrappy little paws all over him.  Then again, it is The Bachelor so that comes with the territory, and half the battle is making sure the Bach doesn't think you're crazy; that he thinks you're awesome and handling the situation well, granted the situation is 17 kinds of screwed up.  That's my bone to pick with the show.  We all ridicule the girls that get protective once they start to fall for the guy, when really we'd all be going nuts if the guy we were in a relationship with was also in a relationship with six other women.  So they make us look down on the girls who actually emulate what we'd do in real life, if it wasn't a TV show.  Oohhh the irony.  THEN AGAIN (again), if some dude was comparing me to six other people because he couldn't make up his mind, I'd pretty much be out of there in a jiffy.  I always wonder if any Bachelor has ever been like, "I can't

Synopsis of the ep: I don't really know what happened tonight, there was some dramz with Melissa and she got sent home.  Roberto and Ali made an appearance to judge the girls on who was the most genuine based on a two minute convo.  Brad gave Emily the rose (not sure what that particular rose is called) and sent a few packing, including The Rockette.  In a truly heartbreaking (and pathetic) turn of events, she says that she is awkward, should win an award for being a terrible dater, and thinks she's destined to be alone because THE BACHELOR (of all things) was her last hoorah when it comes to dating.  Talk about kicking yourself when you're down.  And how old is this chick?  Get on eHarmony!  Match.com!  Phone a friend!  Your main problem is that you label yourself and have zero self esteem, so work on that and soon you'll start attracting men who will love you.  You just have to love yourself first honey.  And yes, I should be a therapist.

I might be embarrassing myself here, but I frequently think about how I would be on The Bachelor as a contestant.  I'd have to take a Xanex to deal with all the mental cases, first and foremost.  I could only hope I'd be the Pauly D of the bunch: great hair and amazing facial expressions.  Mom always tells me I'm an open book because if someone is acting cray cray, I pretty much have "You're Grade A crazy" written all over my face... much like Pauly D when he's watching the girls go at each other.   I'm working on that, as well as my DJ career.  #lovejerseyshore

SPOILER:  I'll just let you all know this now, Madison (fang girl) voluntarily leaves next week.

And that's that. :) Good night!

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