Jan 18, 2011

MENtervention: Just go for it


You're due for a Mentervention. 

Today's session: What's more annoying that an overly persistent guy (which I'll get to sometime this week)? 

The guy that doesn't make any effort at all.

I'm not talking about sloppy clothes, failing to iron your jeans before a date or making your bed, or forgetting our annivesary (although those things are pretty shiesty).  I'm talking about those mind games, that frankly, most of you guys play with yourself.  You feel like you have to calculate every move and come off a certain way to us.  I'm not saying women don't do this as well, but you guys take it to a new level, and sometimes you will end up crashing and burning instead of passing the finish line.

Playing hard to get is ridiculous because most of us girls will think one of these things:  a) you're not interested because you aren't reaching out, b) you're arrogant and c) you're timid, which isn't attractive to anyone, OR d) he's not paying attention to me and I want him to, so I'm going to make him and then be the one to reject him. (That's never someone you want to be with.)  So besides those of us that get some sick and twisted pleasure out of men who ignore us, women want men to be open but not forward, excited but not clingy, and confident but humble.  See the difference?

Let me give you some pointers:

Say you're considering taking a girl on a date.  Or maybe you just like a chick and want to hang out in a group together before deciding to take her out.  Be a man and call her.  Don't e-mail, text, or Facebook chat.  Grow some balls and give her a phone call.  It makes things more personal and she'll feel like you're taking charge, which even the most independent of women enjoy. 

Don't ask.  Don't ask if you can call a girl, just go for it!  What's the worst that can happen?  She won't answer?  She'll have to call you back?  Or she'll chat with you and you'll have a great conversation.  If she was kind enough to give you her number, use it. 

Make a girl feel like you actually want to see her.  Plan out the date -- when you ask us 1,000 questions about what we want to do, it makes us feel like you don't know how to take the reigns.  One thing you guys need to learn is that we may be maternal, independent and careful; that we may take the time to make sure everyone else is taken care of, but the fact of the matter is that we need someone who will let us be those things but will also be those things for us.  So if on the first date you can't manage to pick a decent restaurant and decide on what to do after, it's not giving us a sign that you are making the effort.

Along the lines of making her feel important, do something to show some enthusiasm.  I feel like a mid-day or early morning text or e-mail (after you've initiated the phone connection) is a great way to start off a date, before you're even on it.  If you're anxious to see her, send her a "I'm really looking forward to tonight" text.  That should get her excited too (if she isn't already).  And remember, sometimes dates are just that: dates.  No fireworks, nothing magical happens.  It's just dinner and that's fine.  You may or may not get a peck on the lips in the end.  But if you're really feeling a connection with a girl, be sure to pull out all the stops -- it doesn't have to be crazy, it just has to put forth some effort.

Until next time...

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