Jan 24, 2011

MENtervention Mondays

I've decided to start a new tradition on here.  In an effort to find some consistency, I decided to make the beginning of the week MENtervention Mondays.  Why Mondays, you ask?  To be honest, it's because the weekend encounters will be fresh on my mind.  That way maybe everyone can take a little something away from the post and utilize it the next weekend.

While I tend to post about what you guys need to change about yourselves, this MENter is meant to eradicate some people from your life.

That person being the jealous girlfriend.

Let me break down the jealous girlfriend.

Half the time, she isn't really even a girlfriend.  She's a girl, she's a friend, but she isn't official/committed to you.  She hangs out with "the guys" and you don't mind, but she gets uber territorial when a new, real girlfriend is introduced into the group (or perhaps you're introducing her to your new girlfriend).

Token phrases: "I don't like hanging out with girls.  I only have guy friends.  Girls are intimidated by me."
Translation: "Girls don't like me.  I only have guy friends because I feel inferior to most other women.  I'm intimidated by them."


If you ever hear from a girl that she doesn't have many (or any) girl friends because she "doesn't like women," the best way to put it is that you're Houston, and you're going to have a big, fat problem.  First off, if she doesn't have girl friends, she's going to cling to you, ridding herself (and you) of any independence you might have had.  She wants to hang out with the guys, which makes it awkward when you want to hang out with them... alone.

Most girls who have this lifestyle do not have have people who are intimidated by them.  In fact, it's the opposite.  She is envious, intimidated, assumably insecure, and she's more than likely going to be jealous as all Hell.  She won't like your female coworkers because even though you might not find them attractive, they get to work with you eight hours a day (or more) and she doesn't.  God help the girl if you have any attractive, platonic female friends, because she'll have a nervous breakdown. 

Girls need friends who are women.  There's just too much lady-stuff we need to discuss that men won't give us the benefit of discussing.  And if we did talk to them about it, they wouldn't care or comfort us as necessary.  So just realize if she's not hanging with the ladies, she's going to be piling a lot of those venting sessions on you.  She doesn't need to be popular, but she needs at least two or three decent females to chat with.

She's a jealous girlfriend when/if she:
  • Gets sick when it's time to go out in a group setting with other women
  • Fusses, complains and creates issues before these events occur
    • Along those lines, makes you guys intentionally late for events or causes a scene in front of groups of people
  • Pretends she has no idea who other women are, when she's probably Facebook friended those people and has met them -- on more than one occasion
  • Makes back-handed compliments towards other women, criticizes other girls on their weight and looks in front of the guys, talks way too openly about her sex life with men
  • Constantly is in need of reassurance or approval from you -- OR, au contraire, acts like nothing is really ever that important (in an attempt to appear unphased or feeling-less.)
  • She's pretty delusional and dramatic, so don't be surprised if she lies like a plank, fabricates stories to get attention and more than likely has accused you of cheating on her (because, let's face it, she's an insecure nutcase)
  • Your guy friends think she's 'alright' at best, would maybe describe her as 'fun to be around yet a hot mess' or 'she's nice.'  Your girlfriends and sister hate her and have openly discussed her cray-cray behavior with you
  • She has resorted to violence on occasion (sadly, I'm not kiddnig)
Run for the hills, guys. She might be a delight to deal with around your bros, she might know everything about football, she might not care that you threw up on her last Friday night after a few too many shots... but she's going to become your worst nightmare.

Proceed with CAUTION.

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