Jan 21, 2011

MENtervention: Stop it.


It's Mentervention time.

First, congrats!  Our first session went well.  You all responded in a positive manner, and so did your girlfriends.  Good job on opening up and learning to put forth that extra effort!

However, today's session is all about toning it down a bit.  Because, you know, you're starting to freak us out now. 

Get the hint.  You're being a creep.

Things I'm not referring to: peeping toms, watching pornography, engaging in sexual harrassment at the workplace.  No, no, no.  What I'm talking about is a different type of creepy.  Sometimes, you can get overly excited or too persistent and it creeps us out.

Examples: Did you go on a date with a girl?  Did you have a decent time?  Did she not try to touch you in any way possible (not even a handshake)?  Chances are she wasn't feeling it.  If you ask her out for a second date and she makes up an excuse not to hang out, get the hint.  If she told you, politely, she didn't want to date you, that isn't a hint.  That a full-blown answer.  Take it.  It might hurt, but you just need to let it go.

Being overzealous is embarrassing.  Because that means you're totally digging it and she isn't.  If she was digging it too, you wouldn't be the overzealous one.  Get it?  So calm the heck down.

Let me give you some pointers:

Sending flowers (or anything for that matter) to work is great.  We love that.  Except when it's from a guy we're not interested in.  Going on one date doesn't commit you to another date, and making gestures like that in public is going to weird us out if we're not into you.

Learn how to read women.  Is she looking you in the eyes when you talk?  Is she standly closely to you?  Has she hinted at your past relationships (aka she's curious about your love life)?   Is she willing to drop plans or make the extra effort to see you?  She's probably interested.  Does she not answer your phone call or return it?  Does she only talk to you when she's drunk?  Does she keep talking about her ex-boyfriend?  Inserts the word 'buddy' every few sentences?  Does she find a way to drop your hand when you grasp hers?  These are all things to consider when deciding to try to move things forward.

Say she's been forward enough to cut things off, but you have mutual friends.  If you see her, be cordial.  Don't try to jump on the dating train again because not only will she reject you, but she'll be annoyed. Sometimes, my friend, persistence does not pay off.  

Women like men who have composure, but they also like romance, so it can be tricky coordinating the two.  I wish there was an easy way to make you guys understand the difference (and some of you have it down pat), but everything is a two way street.  I could say "If she's being a raging biotch to you, she isn't into you," except some girls think of endless teasing and giving the cold shoulder as flirtation.  I could say if she hugs you 'bye' and gives you a kiss on the cheek, then she wants to see you again, but sometimes that could be her way of being polite (and saving herself from a peck on the lips).  So you see, it's a little difficult to give any clear instruction as to how we work.  But, I know for sure that sometimes you anticipate a little too much out of a situation.  Why?  I can't be sure.  Perhaps you're feening for companionship and you'll do anything to get it.  But just know that when things are right, you'll know it in your heart.  It will be crystal clear (Note: not Cristal clear).  And I'm not talking about marriage, I'm talking about when you know your feelings are right. 

It's like at the bars.  Am I talking to you because I find you interesting (and attractive)?  Or because you're going to buy me a drink and I feel obligated to?  Who knows.  Yet that always leads to you (men in general) thinking something is going to be institgated between the two of us, and it's most definitely not.

 Take it down a notch.  Not every girl is going to fall madly in love with you.

Until next time...

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