Feb 7, 2011

MENtervention for the Ladies: Chivalry is not dead

These MENtervention posts have been going quite well, so I decided to switch things up a bit.  Instead of calling out the guys, I'm going to give some much needed advice to the women about the guys.

So ladies, listen up. (Guys, you'll get something out of this too.)

Here is your MENtervention.


Relationships can be an interesting thing.  As Carrie Bradshaw once put it, you can have a relationship without sex, you can have sex without a relationship; you can have neither, you can have both.  At a time in our lives where relationships can be tricky, please let me give you some sound advice:

Chivalry is not dead.  Let him do the work.

Last night a friend and I were in the car talking about how we rarely (actually, never) get asked out on dates.  This turned into a discussion: Do guys not ask girls on dates anymore?  What gives?  What are they afraid of?  Isn't that their job?  How the hell did Sex and the City have a new man every episode?  Do they expect us to ask them?  

We're two 24-year-old chicks with ambition, great personalities, an outstanding sense of humor, we get along with pretty much everyone, we know about sports and can even have full-on discussions about them, up-to-date with current events, and we clean up pretty well.  What's the deal here? 

As my other favorite Carrie (Underwood) put it:  "It's not like I'm not trying, 'cause I'll give anyone a shot once."  TRUTH.  I might not be attracted to a guy, but if he has the gull to ask me on a date, I'll give him a chance.  Why not.  I'm not kissing you goodnight, but I am offering some lively conversation.  

In a world where guys can pick up random chicks at bars (frat parties, etc.), take them home and then never speak to them again, I feel as if they've gotten lazy.  They think finding a legit girl is easy.  And it might be, but they're going to have to put some effort into catching our attention.  

I know it sounds just crazy, but if you're looking for a man worth something, let him make the effort.  Let him ask for your number.  Let him figure out how he's going to see you in between his busy work schedule.  Let him figure out the first date, the first phone call, and so on.  You need not be a part of planning all of this, for you are the one who is supposed to be courted.

Hence, if he hasn't called, texted, e-mailed -- chances are, he's not thinking of you.  DON'T send any of the aforementioned to him.  That makes you look needy and desperate, and girl, that you are not.  He will soon learn that if he wants to keep you interested, he's going to have to initiate.

This also goes without saying for "breaks."  First off breaks are not "breaks."  You can't just take a hiatus from a relationship.  Much like if you decided to take a break from your job, chances are it wouldn't be there when you decided to return, unless it was under agreeable circumstances between you and your employer.  Breaks are break ups.  I know it stings, but please understand this.  No matter what he says or does, the moment "break" comes out of his (or your) mouth, you are both considered single.   Cue Ross Gellar's infamous "WE WERE ON A BREAK!" speech.  

Speaking of the whole Friends "We were on a break" ordeal, let me give you the lowdown.  Rachel says she wants a break from Ross.  I can't remember if they were still communicating or not during this four month break, but Ross decides to sleep with someone else and then comes back to Rachel, but Rachel is pissed because she said Ross cheated on her.  But Ross insists they were "on a break."  So it wasn't cheating.  But Rachel is like, EXACTLY, we were on a break!  Not broken up!  And Ross is like, um, that break could have been indefinite for all he knew.  So see?  Do you get why being "on a break" is just so shiesty?  It's hard to explain to others, it gets technical, and someone ends up getting hurt.  A BREAK IS A BREAK UP.  That means, if you're on a break, you don't talk to that person, you don't see them still.  You are broken up until both of you decide you are not anymore.  Got it?  (Personal note: honestly guys, if you still love someone else, don't sleep with another person.  It's going to bite you in the ass.  So either wait until you moved on or until things come full circle with the girl you love.)


With that being said, I have seen couples break up, only to reunite months (or years) later and end up happily together.  Maybe it was a timing issue, maybe it was a maturity issue, what have you.  But please don't hang on to a "for instance" in hopes that your ex, who is currently in a cesspool of other women, will come back to you to live happily ever after.  If it's supposed to work out, it will, otherwise please move on with your life, because, reverting back to my initial statement, he if wants you back, he'll be doing all the work to make that happen (reaching out/reconnecting, trying to see you, etc.).  

I'm not saying that to keep your own pride in tact.  I mean, I am.  You should have strong respect for yourself.  If someone doesn't want to be with you, don't try to change his mind -- let him figure it out on his own.  (Again, if it's meant to work out, it will.)  However, I'm also saying it because guess what?  Guys like girls who are strong.  Why do you think guys like being taken care of?  They like women who don't make everything easy.  If you roll over and play dead at everything he says, or worse, you're afraid to question him or get upset with him for fear he'll break up with you -- he is going to walk all over you. That means he has no respect for you either.  So you're going to end up losing that battle real quick.  He might enjoy it for awhile, but he'll get bored and in turn find someone who is more of a challenge, who appears to have more self assurance and confidence than you.  

Furthermore, why be with a guy you're scared of?  Or why worry about a guy who isn't worrying about you?  See the logic here?  

I'm not a She-Woman Man Hater by any means.  I'm not an a feminist tangent.  If anything, I'm trying to eradicate the notion that women should be the man in the relationship because, well, they aren't.  Be strong, be yourself, but be a lady.  Part of that means letting the man be the man.

So what I'm really trying to say here is act like you have some balls and let the guys do their job.  Yes, it is their job to court, contrary to millenial popular belief.  Capeesh? 

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