Feb 16, 2011

MENTERVENTION: You can't have your cake...

Let's get this rolling.  It's not Monday but I couldn't not post a MENtervetion!

This topic really boggles my mind because I just don't understand people that do this.  It makes no sense to me.  Here goes nothing:

Guys, let me caution on you on something.  The female intuition is not something to take lightly.  While there might be full-blown crazies who make assumptions and are wrong about everything (because they're insecure and neurotic), most of us know when something is up.  Nothing particularly has to happen to make us feel this way; it just comes over us and we start to get suspicious. 

With that being said, don't take us for idiots.  We will find you out

I bring this up in light of a trend I've been seeing lately.  Let me say again that some of the shenannery I discuss on this topic is not all about moi -- yes, I like to write about what I'm going through, however, I tend to keep personal love matters to a minimum.  Regardless, this particular topic has been brought up in my life several times over the past few months.

To put it bluntly: DON'T CHEAT!

I know this is a kindergarten idea, but honestly, I'm shocked at how many people I have met here in Los Angeles that have and/or are cheating on their significant other.

I know it goes both ways: girls can cheat as well.  So I guess this is a shout out to cheaters in general and not particularly men.  But for MENteverention's sake, work with me.

Here's the thing guys: if you are cheating on someone, you should not be with them!  When you truly care about someone, no other person, place or thing will look or appeal more to you than they will.  If you find yourself yearning to cheat or inclined to do so regularly, I'd go ahead and say you don't have respect for that person and should end things immediately.

Let's face it: if you're a cheater, you are living a mediocre life.  Harsh but true.  Who wants to live that way?  Shouldn't you want the best for yourself?  Don't you want some excellence in your life?  When you cheat on someone, you're condoning disrespect not only of your girlfriend (or boyfriend), but also to yourself in the future.

Do yourself a favor and stop being greedy.  It's an incredibily unattractive trait to possess when you act as if you're better than others to be able to play them all for a fool.  To be blunt, who the hell do you think you are?

Last Thursday I was at a work function and we all got to talking.  One girl mentioned she had been dating a guy on and off for six months and as it turns out HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND!  Homeboy was living a double life.  Another story: guy hits on girl, guy and girl make out, guy tries to take girl home but she declines -- then guy reveals he has a girlfriend. Seriously?!

At a party a few weeks ago, a new friend of mine said she had been dating a guy on-and-off for a year or so in college (in Texas), and as it turns out he had a serious girlfriend during their relationship -- who'd he'd been with for three years.  The friend had even been at parties and shared a few friends with this girl, and both had no idea. 
What I'm not trying to say here is that you can't make mistakes and that you can't work through errors in judgement.  You can.  I have friends who have had a "cheating incident" occur during a relationship and they worked through those problems because they were committed to do so.  However, it was just that -- an incident.  As in one.  As in, not continuously doing it, perpetuating the affair, and cheating with various people. 

"But Kirbie!  What about the other woman?  Isn't she just as much at fault?"  If the other woman was a friend of mine and my boyfriend cheated on me with her, I'd have reason to get all kinds of pissed off at her. (Free publicity: everyone should probably read Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin, the tale of Rachel and Darcy, best friends (or toxic ones some could say), where Rachel borrows something of Darcy's -- her hunky fiance, Dex.  Before you make assumptions on who you'd side with, read the book.  FURTHERMORE, it's now a movie and the trailer is premiering tonight on Entertainment Tonight!!!!

While it would be easy to make excuses and place blame on the other woman, take ownership and admit to your faults.  It takes two to tango, right?  Ladies, this goes for you too -- stop freaking out about the girl he cheated with and be more concerned with his behavior.  He could have stopped himself, but he didn't.

Since I'm MENtervening, I guess it should be said that cheating isn't the rule.  It's the exception.  Millions of people around the world get through life without infidelity.  So don't go on living like cheating is a part of life, because that it is not.

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