Mar 29, 2011

MENtervention: Los Angeles

Instead of a MENtervention, I want to discuss a different aspect of dating today.  So this is like CSI: Miami of sorts, instead I'm trying  to solve dating conundrums, not murders.

MENtervention:  Los Angeles


SO.  I'm thinking as I am laying here in bed.  I'm 24, I'm living in a big city.  Shouldn't dating be easy?

One would think... one who is probably 20-years-old.  I remember thinking how the real world was going to be a dating extravaganza!  Was I wrong... so, soooooooooo wrong.  And slightly delusional.

Dating back in college was awesome because, in my case, I knew mostly everyone.  I mean, that could be good or bad -- date one guy and break up, then you're banned from his entire circle of friends. But it was nice because you were constantly doing something that was conducive to dating: going to a mixer, hitting up a house party, formal, class, extra-curricular, etc.  It wasn't forced or awkward.  It was a part of life. 

But now that we're out of college land, and getting drunk and making out is frowned upon when it comes to meeting potentials (imagine explaining that to your kids: "Mommy and Daddy were hammered, dressed up as a Golf Pro and a Tennis Hoe and didn't know each other's names on the night you were conceived!"), what are we supposed to do?  You can't really have a decent conversation at a club in between the loud, thumping music and drinks being poured on you (I average about one drink per night, and no, it's not me pouring them on myself).  And I won't lie, if a random approaches me in a coffee shop, I'd think they're a weirdo/are socially awkward and wouldn't give them the time of day.   I would say that I could meet men through friends, which has always been the fail-proof and most trustworthy way I've met guys to date, but out here it's hard to make friends in general -- let alone find a friend of a friend to go on a date with. 

Dating is terrible.  I mean, best case scenario, you meet an amazing guy, who you're physically and emotionally attracted to, and he pursues you.  Then happily ever after commences.  Worst case, you're sitting through an awkward dinner where the guy is too quiet or too obnoxious or you're not talking at all.  Actually, more worst case is all that, but in the end, the guy thinks it actually went well.  ACTUALLY, worst case is some guy shows mild interest and doesn't even know what the word chivalry means, and his idea of talking includes text messages at 2:30 in the morning.  Unfortunately, there are way too many worst-of-the-worse men out here, am I right ladies?  I know I am.  I know way too many women who get those messages.  Hasn't happened to me... yet.  Just lucky I guess!

The other thing about dating is that for someone like me, I know what I want.  I also very clearly know the things I don't want, so if and when one of those flags is waved during a date, I go into shut-down mode.  It's like, "Yeah, yeah, blah blah, let this sh*t end already."  I know that's terrible, but it's like, why waste my time?  Sorority Girl Problems put this perfectly:


It seems like the older I've gotten, the more dull people have gotten.  Sometimes in group situations I'll get quiet and stop talking. There are two times I get quiet. One instance is if I'm heading somewhere where I don't know what to expect. This can be an interview or maybe a party where I don't know anyone. I just kind of meddle in my thoughts and don't speak at all. Makes me less jittery.  (Some find this endearing... just sayin.') And then there's when I have nothing interesting to say. It's not that anything has happened to make me mad or to stop talking in general, but I don't want to be talking out of my a$$ just to make conversation. So if someone is talking to me and I'm completely bored of out my mind, I'll probably be shaking my head a lot instead of making any effort to keep the conversation going.

Anyway, I then got to wondering: "What cities are the best for dating?"

San Antonio, Texas is #1, according to The Daily Beast.  Clearly TDB has never been to San Antonio.  Austin is #3 and consistently rates in the Top Five every year (yeah buddy!).  And somehow, LA ranks #14?  I don't get it.  Really, it shouldn't be on there at all.  They base these ratings on everything from number of singles, most marriages, divorces, how happy the people are, how many bars and restaurants there are compared to singles 21 & up, etc.  I guess if it's going on all of that, it's likely that a city in Texas ranks the highest, and San Antonio is not lacking in great food, bars, entertainment or married families.  Not sure about the singles though.  Of course LA would rank somewhat high when it comes to numbers, since we have a million people who live here, but when it comes to emotional stability?  That should probably be an F. Seems like all people here are nuts.  Except me.  Because I'm the one writing this blog and I'm allowed to say that.

One site stated that college towns are the best for dating.  Super.  I couldn't be further away from one.  Sure, we have UCLA and USC, but I'm not about to jump on the CougarTown ship and set sail to find me a 21-year-old undergrad.  Sorry, that's pathetic.  Pathetic I am not. (Then again, age is just a number... Devil's Advocate baby!)

So yes, LA is not a "college town."  In fact, I'm in a city where everyone is worried about getting ahead and, if anything, their career.  Definitely not dating.  And if they are going to date, they're only worried about the next hot thing. Nobody is satisfied... unless the couple came here together.

Now that (most of us reading this) are adults, how do we find people to date?  I mean, what do we spend a majority of our time doing?
  1. Working (eight hours a day, sometimes more)
  2. Going out (bars, clubs, etc. on weekend)
  3. Eating (Three meals a day with snacks in between... and the occasional late night or coffee)
  4. Facebooking
Basically, to my understanding, the 22 and up crowd is now relegated to meeting people at work, the bar, while we're eating or online. WOOF, GAG, BARF, GAUGE MY EYEBALLS OUT WITH A SPOON.  Of course this brings up those of us who are in grad school, but I mean... for all intents and purposes, I don't think a lot of you grad students are going to school to find a date.  Am I right?

Let me break this down:

  1. Thinking about dating anyone in the office makes me nauseous.  Even talking about dating with people at work gets my stomach turning (although I do fantasize that a John Krasinski look-a-like/personality-a-like will walk in the door). 
  2. The last thing I want to do is agree to go on a date with a guy from a bar who is more than likely hammered and has terrible breath, or at a club whom I can't hear and is probably decked out in a terrible outfit with too much gel in his hair (and is probably dancing a little too hard to 'Speak No Americano').  
  3. It would be really bizarre and uncomfortable if some guy in a restaurant came up to me with my girlfriends to ask me out on some date, because he'd only be doing it based on my looks, which makes me straight up anxiety-ridden.  I'd like to believe a guy asks me out on a date because I have an amazing personality and he's attracted to me, not that he thinks I'm hot and wants to bone me.  Yes, I am that small town girl who likes to get to know people in a social setting before dating them.  SUE ME!  Furthermore, half of my meals are take-out or bought at the grocery store because I like to save money.  So if some random asks me out in the express checkout line, I'd run, not walk, to the nearest bathroom to hide.
  4. And lastly, I will have to slit my wrists when the day comes that a guy asks me out on Facebook.   "Hey, I've been checking out your Facebook page and I really like your pic.  I know we only met that one time... but I'd like to take you out."  I can just SEE that happening, because everyone hides behind technology instead of picking up the damn phone.  Oh wait, it has.  Just not in that exact wording.  Spare me.
So what are we doing with ourselves here?  I refuse to be a victim of a dating dilemma.  Am I being too picky when it comes to meeting people?  I'd like to say I have standards, thank you very much!  Maybe we should all just let go and go with the flow (read: maybe I should let go and go with the flow).  For everyone else: go and date with that guy at the coffee shop.  Ask that girl out in line at the valet.    Who knows!  You might just a find a good apple.

Or not.  Yeah... I can't see me seriously considering that dude in line at Starbucks, unless his name started with Jus and ended with tin Timberlake.  This is probably where God colors me wrong, and I meet some dude in a coffee shop.

I'm just going to hang on to the fact that Carrie Underwood met Mike Fisher through mutual friends (go figure) after one of her concerts and now they're happily married.  So my future husband might be some kind of "fan," but will be also incredibly good looking and successful. I mean, everyone's significant other supposed to be a fan of theirs?  Right?

I love that Mike is holding Carrie's clutch! haha

On another note... can Carrie just come forward and tell me how much her ring costs?  I've read plenty of articles on her and it always varies -- US Weekly said it was $150,000, but they have to smoking that  crackpipe to think it cost that much.  MTV reported $800,000, while JustJared said (according to some diamond expert) that it was $1.3 million, which would make sense, considering Mike was making $4 million that year and that is approximately three months salary.  Just confirm it Carrie!!!!! 

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