Mar 14, 2011

MENtervention Monday: Lower your expectations

Most of the time, our life is filled with people telling us not to settle, to keep our expectations high, and to go and get what we deserve.

However, when it comes to some gestures you men make towards women, it's time for you to lower your expectations.

Here we go!

Let me start of by stating the reason for writing this MENter.  This is coming from my several of my own experiences, not anyone else's (unlike most of these other MENters).

Last Friday was a night of epic proportions.  I sound like a raging douchelord saying that, but seriously, for someone like me, this night was a "small step for mankind" type of evening.  There were many reasons for this, but mostly it was because the night started off pretty terribly and made a significant turn for the better.  We had a few awkward moments, and about four drinks poured on us.  I was soaked and looked like I had wet myself.  Not okay.  But then, at 1:52 a.m., we got courageous and abandoned all principles our parents taught us as a child.  We hopped in some random guy's car (he looked like Rufio) and went on an adventure.  

Said guy (real name: Andre, who was pretty cool) took us to a party. We were kind of like, "Are we going to die?" But after asking around we found out we were at Ryan Phillipe's house.  It was kind of hilariously amazing, considering he wasn't there and the guests included Rick Ross, Kevin Connally, and Zac Efron.  

After relocating to another house at 3:30, we ended up staying out ALL NIGHT LONG.  I haven't done that since Vegas!  But needless to say it was a particularly interesting and fun night.

However, before this, we were at The Village Idiot.  I was looking particularly clown-ish: I was a good five inches shorter than Taryn, given I was in sandals and she in heels.  I had glitter in my hair.  I was drinking Fox Apple Cider, because I'm not a big beer fan and didn't want to start out with liquor that early in the night. However, this must have been bait for these two guys who ended up chatting with us.

Oh, Max and Noah.  You were great people to talk to at the bar, but no, we didn't want to sit with you.  If we did, we would have invited you over. And while we applaud your chivalry by giving us your table, it was extremely awkward that you SAT AT THE TABLE RIGHT NEXT TO US.

I mean really?  If you knew that was the next open table and it was right next to us, and we had made it pretty clear we were gracious that you let us sit down first however our conversation was over, why would you sit next to us? Awkward!  

I mean, it was just bizarre.  They kept trying to chat and would eat fries from our plates... if you want to piss me off, try being a stranger and eating off my plate without asking.  It's rude and unsanitary!!!!  Not to mention we don't know you.  At all.

Guys, what am I getting at?  Just because you do something chivalrous doesn't mean we're obligated to do something for you.  That's the point of chivalry.  You do it because we're ladies and as a gentleman, you do them.  End of story.  I think some of you feel like, "Oh, we bought these girls a round of drinks, so certainly they're going to make out with us."  No, my friends, buying us some shots or sending us a drink or even just talking to us for a few minutes does not mean we are going to be your sexual slaves.  Sorry about that. 

Chivalry: Courteous behavior, especially towards women

Back in the day, chivalry referred to "the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms."  Okay.  Say you're courteous and generous towards women you don't know (or perhaps you do know).  Stop expecting "something" in return!  I know men and women are on equal playing fields this day in age, but women are still to be courted and treated as ladies. That means sometimes not having to pay for things.

Also, if you do want something in return, how about trying to woo us?  Simply buying us a drink or letting us take your table doesn't garner a "I want to hang out with you."  Anyone can do that.  Granted I was not attracted to either of these dudes, and sadly there was no way I'd be willing to have dinner with either.  Actually, let's be frank.  You can woo all you want, but if the woman isn't attracted to you in some sense, it's like bringing a bat onto the football field: you aren't playing the same game.  Women will talk to men to be chivalrous as well: they don't want to be rude and don't mind engaging in some conversation.  But if she isn't attracted to you (whether it be your looks or personality -- or both), then you might as well suck it up and realize that was a $35 round risk you were willing to take.  It's not going any farther than that simple bar conversation.

It's just a natural part of the dating game.

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