Mar 17, 2011

What Women Want: The Survey

Before I dive in to the findings, for all of you who sent me messages criticizing my question of "is marriage becoming extinct?" check out this article from Dr. Stan Katz on an article from CNN, stating that (sadly) marriage is becoming obsolete for millenials.  Whether you believe it or not, the emphasis on marriage to start a family is becoming more and more archaic to our generation.


52 responses total

1) Age

72% were between the age of 23-27
17% were 18-22 (presumably an undergrad)
11% were 28 or older

2) I am most concerned about:

Majority rules that a career is what most women are concerned about.  Other answers included staying in shape because they were either a) already in a commitmed relationship, b) had a great career or c) both.

"A few years ago I would have answered finding love, but now I've found it! Next I would put my career. While it's not everything in life, it's more important than how you look. Your career, whether it's in an office, being a mom, or it changes, is part of what defines you." (Participant was 28 or older)

"I am in love, I know I spend more time working at my career than working out, so I suppose that I am more concerned with my career. Keeping my skin young and youthful doesn't seem to be in the same ball park as the others :D" (Participant is 23-27)

"i want to be in love/married more than a lot of things in my life. this also seems like something that i thought i would have at this point in my life... and i wonder why i don't."  (Participant 23-27)

3) My past relationships have ended because:

Most agreed that their ex was not the right guy for them, however, an overwhelming amount of responses stated that their ex just wasn't the right one for them right now.  Timing is everything, right?

"He clearly wasn't the right guy because neither of us would have done the things we did if he was."

"I'm married now so I can say with certainty that every guy before my husband wasn't right for me."

"We grew up and grew apart."

4) If I could change one thing physically about myself, it would be:

This one was all over the place.  Participants put everything from their knees to their hair to having less freckles and smaller pores.  However, the top three things women would want to change about themselves physically are:

Their weight (should have been obvious)
Their stomach -- most want it more toned and flat
Their butt -- some complain it's too big, others say it's not perky enough

5) I'm turned off by:

Lack of ambition = less attraction.  It's not that we want to stay home and let him do all the work, it's moreso we want him to want better for himself.

"C'mon. I'm 23 and at this point any guy I date should have a job."

"Everybody wants somebody with drive. If they don't even have goals for themself, why should I expect anything else with me?"

"It is a priority of mine to work and provide for myself and I expect the same from a guy."

Most women also agree that it's aggrevating and boring when someone kisses-up or agrees with you 100% of the time.  We know we aren't perfect, so show some of your own ideas, beliefs and opinions!  We like to be challenged and to learn, and dating a guy who agrees with us 100% of the time doesn't do either.

6) I've slept with:

I don't know why I'm surprised, and I applaud the people who haven't slept with anyone.  For those who are virgins, five out of six are waiting for marriage, and one possibly is, but definitely is waiting until they're in love (good choice!).  Several of the nine that have only slept with one person are married, and both partners waited until marriage.

For the 3 or mores, most answered they were in a relationship, and for those that were flings, they mentioned they were "just for fun," or "young and stupid."

7) The first thing I notice on a man (or woman) is:

Smiles get your far, gentlemen.  Why do you think everyone loves John Krasinksi?  :)

8) I want men to know:

There were several themes to this answer. 

These are my confessions (tell the truth).
"That honesty is the best policy. If the girl is not the one, tell her that (nicely of course), rather than stringing her along. She'd rather hear you are not into her than feel insecure about the relationship for months/years when she's noticing you are not all there. She deserves happiness too and needs to move on so she can find the one."

"Quit with the cheating. It's UNREAL how common I feel like it is. If you are done/unhappy with the relationship, grow some balls and say so."

"...we just want them to be HONEST."

"Women aren't as fragile as we may tell us the truth, the whole truth, from the get's just better in the long run."

"Be honest and open. Don't fake happiness."

"They should just be upfront about the type of relationship they're looking for.".

Consider us equal.
"That gender roles are becoming less relevant for them, too. It's not just women stepping into a "man's world", men need to be open to the idea of evolving as well and become well-rounded in terms of their participation in child-rearing, domestic life, etc. I'm not saying every man needs to be comfortable with the idea of living their lives as a "Mr. Mom." But I do think people need to realize that all duties in a relationship are a personal choice and broad-sweeping views of gender norms are not helpful."

At the end of the day, we're women.
"The little things you do are more important than presents or big romantic gestures."

"Just because women are equal partners doesn't mean he doesn't need to step up and take responsibility for things."

"...make me feel special."

"I want men to learn the perfect balance of being the stable relationship guy but also the fun, exciting, unpredictable guy. It seems like there are mostly just the extremes out there. Girls need the exciting part in a relationship to stay interested. Yes sometimes we like to sit at home with you and drink wine and watch movies and be boring, but I also want you to take charge and be exciting. Find the balance."

"Even though it's the 21st century, and women want equality, we still want to be treated well. Often, we want you to initiate things - call us, open the door for us, etc, and we will do nice things for you too. You don't have to buy expensive things all the time, and don't rely solely on social networking either. Chivalry and romance are still the best way to get a girl and keep her."

"We want to be surprised with little and big things, it lets us know you are thinking about us."

Real talk
"I'm not just a fucking booty call. Thanks." (Totally laughed out loud at this one.  Kudos.)

"Being a frat star is not necessarily attractive."  (Contrary to popular belief, they're all glorified frat stars well into adulthood.  Perhaps indefinitely. Sorry!)

"They need to grow up."

"More than likely your girlfriend is going to dislike at least one of your friends. It sucks, but we can't always love all the people you love to hang out with."

"We really are not a complicated as you make us out to be."

"Porn can really hurt your sex life.  A little self control now can make it really, really wonderful later."

"Some girls who act the most outgoing are the most insecure and just want attention! Be wary of getting sucked in!"

"We are not all jealous, clingy, annoying drama queens."

"I am right... most of the time! More than they give us credit for."

"Read underlying hints." (Check out some MENterventions for help.)

Don't try to change me.
"The real me. Not the one they would like me to be."

"I am happy with who I am, so don't waste time making me feel like I should be someone else." (Side note: Guys, this is true on so many levels.  We know you guys have crushes and fantasize about whatever, but the thing we are searching for is the feeling that we are more than enough for you.  You're not settling to be with us, you're not trying to change or mold us into something or someone else.  You think we are amazing as ourselves.)

"We want to know you love us exactly as we are." (See?)

Laughter is the best medicine.
"Humor is the biggest turn on."

"Your sense of humor is the sexiest thing about you." (AMEN.  There is nothing more unattractive than a guy who has a terrible sense of humor about himself and life in general -- or, if he's so into himself that he takes himself too seriously.  Comedic relief is necessary in relationships, so being able to make us laugh is something we don't always acknowledge but certainly respect and appreciate.)

9) If I could look like anyone, it would be:
Most women picked "other," with Kim Kardashian as a lead contender for the available choices.  They picked Kim because she is "successful, beautiful and isn't a bean pole."  They appreciated her curves and her work ethic.  Interesting that while it was a question about physical appearance, women swayed towards Kim for her career.
As for the others, they chose them because they felt they all had amazing bodies.
Out of the "other" responses, there were various women thrown into the pot, but the top woman was Jennifer Aniston, over people like Mila Kunis, Natalie Portman, and Adriana Lima.  Anne Hathaway was the second most mentioned, but most noteably almost every answer read as follows: "_______ _______ because she is effortlessly/naturally beautiful." 
However, as as tie with Jen, women said they didn't want to look like anyone else.  They wanted to look like themselves, but maybe more toned or a few pounds lighter.  And no, Angelina Jolie was not mentioned.

10) My thoughts on marriage are:

"Marriage is a God-created institution designed to bring Him glory and to help each partner become who He created them to be."

Don't Rush.
"I'm excited to meet the person I'm supposed to marry, but I'm not in any kind of rush."

"Wait until you are for sure...don't rush marriage.  It will happen when it's suppose to at the right time. It's not something you dabble with just for fun."

"I want to get married, but not right now.  I'm too young.  I want to start my career and be able to support myself before I get married."

"It's an antiquated practice that's largely misused/understood b/c we're all brought up w/the Disney ideal of "happily where after". It's a commitment to another person, which doesn't require a piece of paper or expensive chapel wedding to make it last."

"It's not for everyone and should be a decision made when the timing is right, not a life-long goal to attain."

It's forever.
"It is forever, it is not to be entered without serious consideration and it is imperative that one's spouse is to be treated with honor, submission, respect and consideration. Getting married just to get your needs met or just because 'it's the next step in our relationship' is not good enough."

We're scared.
"It is something that I want for my life but scares me. As we evolve and change throughout our lives it seems like it will be hard to be with the same person and still have things in common."

"It scares the crap out of me, but I still want it."

Not for everyone.
"...If you are needy, untrustworthy, too independent and/or jealous, then marriage is not for you. It’s a compromise, you have to be willing to give up a little but because you want to, not because you feel like you have to."

Divorce is not an option.
"I never, EVER want to get divorced, so I'm willing to wait as long as I need to to be 100% sure that the person I marry is the one. I would rather be 50 and single, than 50 and married to the wrong person."

It's hard, but...
"It's wonderful! Yes, there are challenges but it's totally worth it."

"It's something I only plan to do once. It's not going to be a cake takes compromise and work.  

My thoughts might be best summed up in the song 'Love is not a Fight' by Warren Barfield."

"It's beautiful and it's hard work. People these days are lazy and thinking they're going to feel that initial passion forever."

You're my best friend.
"I was not interested in marriage at all until I found my husband.. For us, marriage is committing to your best friend. That simple. If you do that, it works."

"It's great when you are ready. Don't rush it. Marry your best friend. Always be honest. Take one day at a time!"

And that concludes the results and findings.  You can see that we as women are emotional beings who rely heavily on our heart, yet we have strong ambition and need for companionship.   We're scared and excited for the future, and in the end we all want to be loved without limits.

What do you think?  What do you agree or disagree with?  Do you feel the same way?  Guys, was this insightful at all?

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