Apr 6, 2011

Hey Judas...

Since Lady Gaga's new single is dropping April 19th, I decided to Google the lyrics.  I can't be sure if they're accurate or not, but "Judas" sounds like some kind of cryptic penmanship from Shakespeare.  Frankly I don't think it's better than my song about Judas, "Hey Judas," which will never have hopes of becoming a smash hit because a) it's pretty much "Hey Jude," just with "Judas" inserted where "Jude" is, and b) there isn't enough room on the charts for two songs about Judas.

In case you're biblically challenged, Judas was one of the twelve apostles and he ends up betraying Jesus.  Chief priests wanted to arrest Jesus but needed to be sly about it, so they bribed Judas with silver (30 pieces) and with a single kiss, aka "The Kiss of Judas," Judas identifies Jesus so that the soliders could arrest him.

Then there are several conspiracies/stories about what happened to Judas.  It's been said he committed suicide, was killed by a chariott, died accidentally, yadda yadda.  And there are also theories as to why Judas betrayed sweet Jesus.  Obviously he was bribed and his love of worldy things got a hold on him; it's also been said Jesus knew Judas was going to do this and let it happen because it was all accordingly to God's plan.  I could go into how this one story in the bible is so incredibly relevant to what a lot of people must be going through right now, but I'll pass and skip on to Gaga. 

If you can't tell, I'm not exactly thrilled with the Gagster right now... she has a lot of work to do after "Born This Way" and all her self-absorbed comments she's been spouting out.

Alas, I will try to interpret her upcoming self-proclaimed masterpiece, "Judas."  We can assume since it's a love song about Judas that is must be about a lover betraying her.  Here we go:

Judas,

You never ever never
ever really ever loved me more, than I
but Nemesis is watching over-high
and this is your time,
Judas,
lie on lie,write and cry
the echo truth killed you so you may finally die

(Alejandro Fernando Roberto, you broke my heart!  And since you did, it must mean you never loved me.  Who is like, the worst betrayer in the world?  JUDAS!  We have a song, baby.  I overlooked all your flaws and thought we were in love but really you were a liar and a cheater.  I didn't know you were married because I can't speak Spanish.  This is my last will and testament of you, Roberto Judas, because after writing this song, you are dead to me.  Thanks for the inspiration.)

Master Judas,
My Judas you're all mine
I spent my nights healing from your damaging bites

(You're still on my mind, all the time, even though you ripped my heart into shreds.  I cried myself to sleep at night.)

My Judas,
My Judas,you'll be fine
I slept over your hard stoned shoulder
I domestic flighted for you,baby
murdered as you might find me cooler,honey

(I did things that no self-respecting woman should.  I flew domestic when you know I'm so international.  I also compromised my dignity to be with you and hurt everyone around me... but I am not blinded anymore... honey.)

I'm just a holy fool, oh baby he's so cruel,
he's the one who will make me a liar,
make my speech nothing worth
but I'm still in love with Judas, Baby
I'm still in love with master Judas, Baby

(I can't reiterate enough that this man has changed me for the worst and I don't even know WHO I AM anymore!  The horror!  I am meaningless when I am with him.  I mean, I changed my name to Lady Gaga for this bloke!  But I love him so I'm going to keep degrading myself. #whitegirlproblem)

Jude If my love is a sin, if no man seems to fit
As I trust the world,to put me back on feet

but I'm still in love with Judas, since his birth
I'm still in love with Judas, Oh Judas
you bring me mirth

(Unfortunately for me, I'm a sucker for a guy who can make me laugh.  Which you do, Judas.  You do that.)

Jude If my love is a sin,if no man seems to fit
As I trust the LORD,he'll put me back on ship
is it the shoe heel or the size of my feet

(I've got nothing.  I need God to elevate me to new levels of fame.  They sent me the wrong size of Loubs today so maybe I should incorporate something about my feet...)

Jude I promised you, I won't bother you
As I crossed my fingers back from North
I'm still in love with Judas,Oh Judas
you bring me mirth

(I said I would leave you alone -- but really, I'm the one who isn't loyal!  I will make your life a living hell, Roberto.  Mark my words.  I will get my jollies laughing at your expense instead of laughing with you.  Muahahah!)

Dispite the fact that I have been ragging on her lately, I really hope Lady G's new single is a good one.  I need another "Bad Romance"-esque song in my life, choreography included.  And I think the song will strike a chord with the people because everyone has had some kind of betrayal in their life.  I also have to commend Gaga for recognizing God and the bible in two of her singles off of Born This Way!  Preach it girl.

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