Apr 25, 2011


Have you ever had a meltdown?  I have.  In fact, I had one today.  And I'm sure I'm not the only one either... which is why I felt compelled to share it with you guys.

Just ask my mother.  I called her sobbing approximately three hours after I had touched down in Los Angeles.

"Why are you upset honey?" 
"I don't know!"

It was true.  I didn't know why I was crying.  Probably because I was homesick.  Probably because I was all kinds of screwed up from the time change.  But I know I wasn't alone.  Leaving home, no matter where you're from, is difficult because we all miss the comfort and safety net that home provides.

Los Angeles is a terribly hard city to adjust to, even after being here almost two years.  I always think to myself, "I don't want to live in LA forever.  Texas is where my heart is."  But something always keeps me from moving back.

I think it's God's whisper, telling me I haven't done my time here yet.

Being home this weekend really put things into perspective for me, as it always does.  Lately, I've noticed that a lot of people out here get caught up in the Hollywood lifestyle, and they forget what's really important.  As far as persepective goes, living in LA has helped me to see through a lot of things that people do and say.  I find that those who are the most insecure end up bragging the most, and the ones that get the farthest have the most focus. 

I watched Oprah's Master Class at home this weekend and I highly recommend it to any 20-something. I am always curious as to how successful people "made it."  What their path was, how they got to where they are today.  The Master Class series takes several successful people: Jay-Z, Simon Cowell, Maya Angelou and Diane Sawyer, among others, and allows them to give their perspective on life.  Their theories, their journies, what they believe in.  It's truly inspirational.

One thing Oprah talks about in her Master Class is God's whisper and the ability to grow.  She says that God speaks in whispers, and if you don't listen or follow, they will eventually turn into those "red flags" that I have written about before (she calls them a ton of bricks).  She also discusses how she knew it was time for her to give up her talk show in Baltimore and move to Chicago -- she had simply grown and learned as much as she could from the experience.

I know, for myself, I had learned as much as I could at that time in my life from Texas, before I moved here.  I needed to venture out and learn something new.  And Los Angeles has done that for me -- still does -- and I have faith that God will let me know when my learning is done here.  Take it one day at a time and see where the path leads you.

If you're ever struggling, know there are other people around you going through the exact same thing.  The same anxieties, the same concerns, the same hopes, dreams, questions.  The best thing about today is one of my close friends let me know she has had speratic crying  outbursts as well, having come back from Texas this morning too.  Another dear friend took the words out of my mouth: "I have seriously been asking myself 'is it worth it?' the whole flight... I hate when I'm here I somehow get caught up in it and buy into the bs." 

First off, my boss let me "take a breather" since I had a moment at work and lost my shiz at the front desk.  After making fun of me crying, he told me he understood how it is to come back from home, and let me run to Starbucks (where I proceeded to call my mom and cry the whole way there and back).  And second, today I asked myself the very same thing: "is it worth it?"

I haven't asked this question in awhile.  I used to ask it every single trip from Texas and back, up until last May. But after I reached my one year anniversary with the city, I stopped asking that question because I knew the answer.  My vision was blinded a time or two, but I knew the truth.

Yes.  It is worth it.  It is worth it to me to try something new, to branch out of my comfort zone and live a life that I can look back and be proud of -- not that I did anything in LA, but that I branched out and changed things up.  If it wasn't worth it, I wouldn't have a problem moving back to Texas in a heartbeat, would I? 

Whether you moved an hour away from home or 1,000 miles away, everyone goes through these little quarter-life crises, I've decided.  It's normal and natural.

If I can offer any peace to those of us struggling in our mid-20s, let me just say this: cry it out.  I know it sounds juvenile, but it will help.  I'm fresh as a daisy now, although I did have a coworker send me an email asking if a boy had broken my heart.  NO (thank goodness).  Crying lets you release all those pent up emotions and washes them away.  I highly encourage it, although perhaps not at work, if you can help it :)

I also have to remind myself that I am very gracious for the opportunities I've been given, and that my intuition is always right.  It's never failed me before, so why would it now?  I believe intuition is God's whisper.  It will guide you in the right direction. 

And, lastly, I came up with a new philosophy.  Learn-bloom-plant.  

Learn: If you're not attaining more knowledge, what are you doing?  Whether it be branching out of your comfort zone (hanging with new people, taking a class) or learning something new from your job, friends or family, make sure you're growing.
Bloom: Flourish where you are!  Don't be down on what you wish you were doing or could be doing.  Achieve your personal best every day:  writing that project proposal, calculating those budgets, serving meals, etc.  Do your best because others will notice (Oprah makes a great point on this in her Master Class).  Think of it this way, if you can't do your best at the task or job you've been given now, what makes you think you'll be able to do your best at bigger, more complicated and important jobs?  Prove it now so you can achieve it later.
Plant:  Help others.  If there is a younger classmate that is asking you for help, tutor them!  If you have a great job and someone wants to do an informational interview with you, schedule one.  If someone asks you a question for your expertise or advice, give it your all.  Planting seeds in others provides the best benefit of all.  Remember, you reep what you sow.

Hopefully learn-bloom-plant will resonate with someone else.  I write these blogs because they're therapeutic for myself, but I hope that while I write them to fulfill my own needs, that perhaps I can offer some comfort to those who read as well.

You aren't alone!

No comments:

KirbieGoestoHollywood.com. Powered by Blogger.
Designed By Boutique-Website-Design