Aug 29, 2011

2011 VMA Recap

I should have titled this blog post, "Why I should be running the show at MTV." I can guarantee you'll agree with everything I'm about to say. Why? I'm the people's person. I speak what everyone is dying to say. Let's pray to God that MTV finds this and takes some notes. I can see it now: next year, the entire VMA show will be produced by a contest winner name Kirbie Johnson...

To quote Adam Levine, last night was the one night of the year that MTV acts like they "give a shit" about music. Let's be real here: they could probably change their name to RTV and be more on point, given around 99% of their content is all reality-based, with a few scripted shows in between.

So it shouldn't come as a surprise that most of the winners last night were a result of a popularity contest and not videos that actually had artistic integrity. Some videos were well-deserved winners, but others were less than qualified.

Here's my stance: at the Oscars, Grammys, what-have-you, people win because they deserve it. They win based on their talent. An actor doesn't win an Academy Award because the fans want them to win. The Academy selects the winner based on their performance. Sadly, several of the winners last night had less than inspiring videos, with no real 'meat' within them.

So let's get to the opinions... shall we?

I was just starting to like Gaga again, and then she pulls this crap. To say I'm borderline obsessed with 'You and I' would be an understatement; the rock 'n roll love ballad is a song I've played religiously on the spin machine. And I even dig the video -- while it's weird and seems to have no real concept whatsover, I found it amusing that she dressed in drag as her jilted lover, Jo. But this whole charade at the VMAs was ridiculous.

I felt like an imbecile watching her. Was she on ectasy? One can't be certain. I would have applauded her had she come out and done the whole schtick during her own peformance because, frankly, I actually kind of like Gentleman Gaga. To me, she (he) looks the best she's ever looked. Seriously. But drop the act after your time on stage. And the foul language? Are you trying to be a jilted ex-lover or Lil Wayne? I thought I was watching an episode of Jersey Shore for a minute. 
I did love that she brought out Queen's Brian May for the guitar solo. So awesome, especially since 'You and I' seems to have some Queen undertones going on. Dave Grohl's face was absolutely priceless -- I love when stars get giddy over other celebrities.

On the same note as Gaga, what kind of f*ckery was Nicki Minaj's outfit? Honestly. Get a grip. And Katy Perry? Ugh. I absolutely adore Katy and Nicki (and Gaga, even) and the fact that they all looked like a drug-induced version of The Village People really disappointed me. To quote myself from Twitter, "Gaga, Nicki & Katy. While I love them all, I'm sad for humanity. We all try so hard to stand out. It creates poor fashion choices." And HOW. Beyonce doesn't have to wear all kinds of stupid sh*t to get attention. She's just Beyonce. And she single-handedly stole the spotlight before the show even started! Gotta love her for that.

Beyonce announces her pregnancy. Getty Images

Granted, Beyo was lip-synching. Everyone was lip-synching for the most part, minus Adele and Jessie J. Let's talk about it: Adele was flawless, as per usual. MTV wishes they could get back to the days where they had true artists like this to promote. And Jessie J pretty much out-sang every artist she was covering. She sang Katy Perry's 'Firework' better than KP herself. You go girl.


Britney and Jo. Getty Images

Tributes:

Britney Spears. So many are arguing she is not due for a Lifetime Achievement Award given she's "in the middle of her career." I have so many comments on this, but I'll try to be brief. First off, Britney is not in the middle of her career. In MTV standards, she's a veteran. She's the Betty White of pop music. She's been around forever, and far longer than any other contenders in the room -- and by a long shot. Katy Perry, Adele, Gaga, Nicki Minaj, Bruno Mars, Justin Bieber... they're all fairly new to the music scene. The only other person worthy of the award would have been Eminem, given he's the only one that's been around that long and is still relevant to the music scene.  Christina Aguilera would be a contender if she had any decent music to applaud this year, as well as JT, but given his new acting career has taken off, it wouldn't have made much sense. 
So yeah, Britney is eligible for AARP in MTV world. The fact is that her career is more than halfway over. Can you foresee Brit Brit wearing scantily clad attire and singing about threesomes for the next 30 years? Hell no. Girlfriend is over it. She's made that pretty clear from her lackluster performances. By the way, MTV, way to take a giant dump on your Lifetime Achievement Award recipient with that craptastic tribute. The dancing children were adorable, but you couldn't manage to get a few powerhouses in there to sing a few of her biggest hits? The whole thing was maybe a minute and a half long and less than impressive. I would have loved to have secured Christina Aguilera, *NSYNC and an upcoming pop princess like Selena Gomez do a tribute. Granted, Brit Brit is more famous for her dancing, so applause there, but if they booked Christina to sing some "Baby One More Time" and *NSYNC to do a dance/doo wop medley of her biggest hits, that, my friends, would be ratings gold. Heck, having Justin Timberlake in general do a tribute to his ex-girlfriend would be enough for me. Anybody relevant to Britney would have been worthy.
Furthermore, you put her up there with Gaga, who clearly can't let anyone else have the spotlight -- even at their own tribute -- and make her introduce Beyonce? Poor choices, MTV. Then again, you people brought us Jersey Shore, so I'm not surprised.

Speaking of relevance, while I enjoyed Bruno Mars' performance for Amy Winehouse, I'm just a tad confused. Did Bruno ever meet Amy? And why was he singing 'Valerie,' a cover song that Amy performed? Great song, no doubt, but I would have preferred to have seen some "Tears Dry on Their Own." I'm glad he didn't bust out 'Rehab,' mostly because nobody will be able to do that song any justice. That song was Amy Winehouse. Anyone else singing it would have been a failed attempt.

I would have loved to have seen Mark Ronson up there saying a few words, given he produced Back to Black, and some UK artists belting out some of her best songs. Bruno did a great job, however, it was lacking for me.

I'm sure plenty of you are wondering who Tyler, The Creator is. He's like, 18 or 19, and from Los Angeles. Kanye loves him. And he's a part of the group Odd Future Wolfgang Kill Them All. Thanks, Cole Dabney, for introducing me to these people in May. He sounds like a little sh*thead and now he has a Moonman to fuel the fire. Super.

Lastly, let's get a run down of a few of the winners:

Best Video with a Message: 'Born This Way', Lady Gaga
Hmm. Yeah, the song has a message. The video's message, however, would be, "I sing, I dance half nude, and I was not born with these prosthetics." Frankly, an idiotic category, just to get Gaga a Moonman I suppose. Real winner should have been: Eminem, 'Love the Way You Lie' (great video) or P!nk, 'F#ckin' Perfect.' (I'm biased though, because my old roomie Ali is in that video!)

Best Pop Video: 'Until the World Ends', Britney Spears
I haven't seen a good music video from Britney Spears since 'Toxic', unless it was a drag cover from Ryan Yezak. So obviously I'm pissed because Katy Perry's 'Last Friday Night' is a video pop dreams are made of: 80's theme, cameos gallore, a makeover; catchy beat and fun lyrics. Again, politics prevail and MTV felt obligated to award their Lifetime Award Recipient with an actual win.

Best Hip Hop Video: 'Super Bass', Nicki Minaj
No contest here. Hip Hop isn't really known for groundbreaking music videos, granted Kanye has produced quite a few that have been overlooked almost every year.

Best Female Video: 'Born This Way', Lady Gaga
NOOOOOOOO. For the love of God and sweet baby Jesus, NO. Beyonce's 'Run the World (Girls)' takes the cake for this category, given the impressive dancing and cinematography.

Best Male Video: 'U Smile', Justin Bieber
Aside from the fact that this song pisses me off (it's 'You.'), I do love the Biebs. However, did he deserve to win? I'm sure you can guess my answer. Cee Lo Green's '(The song known as) Forget You' should have won. Great art direction and a fun storyline. Eminem would have been a great contender as well.

Video of the Year: 'Firework', Katy Perry
Out of all the KP videos, this was the one selected as a nominee? Woof. I love the song but don't think the video is anything spectacular. In fact, most of the nominees were pretty crappy. I would have given it to Adele for 'Rolling in the Deep.'

All in all, what are we to expect? It's MTV, a literal sh*t show of a station. The only gratifying moment was when Beyo grabbed her pregnant belly while Jay-Z and Kanye jump around like a bunch of young children worshiping their idol. Hopefully MTV will make some changes in the coming years and start producing content that the public can actually look forward to.

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