Sep 14, 2011

Mother Goose Rock 'n' Rhyme

It was today, after my boss referred to me as Pippi Longstocking and then forced me to watch the 1969 version that was dubbed over in English from Swedish, that I found one of my favorite childhood made for TV movies. But before I dive into that pile of crazy, let's chat about Pippi Longstocking circa 20 years before I existed. It honestly looked like a very poorly made porno flick, minus the sex, and with a red headed child with terrible teeth. He, being my boss, had me watch a scene and it was just terrible.



He made me watch it after I told him the way he was singing the theme song was incorrect. Of COURSE it was incorrect, because the version I knew was from 1988. Mark is running around yelling, "I AM PIPPI LONGSTOCKING!" which is clearly nowhere near the song I remembered: "Pippi Longstocking is coming into your toooooooooown.... no no no no...." something something something.



Honestly, I think I want to revamp this song and make it the blog's theme song. Any time someone comes to the page, it's like, "She dreams, dreams, like me and you... and yes it seems she always makes her dreams come true!... The one whose fun to be around... WHOA WHOA... You outta know!" Bam. 

So after sitting through the torturous 1969 version, ("YOU WEREN'T WATCHING! YOU MISSED THE DUBBED PART!") (Honestly, I feel like 45% of the day is my boss and I going through YouTube videos to prove a point.) I started to think about this song that I remember singing pretty much all the time as a kid in my backyard. We had a huge yard with all of these play-things to jump on and off, hide in, etc. I would sing this song all the time except I cannot remember any part of it except that it went, "You've been a bad boy, a very bad boy, we'll have to punish you!" Before we throw our minds completely in the gutter, it was on Disney, so it couldn't have been too foul.

I decided to Google "You've been a bad boy + Disney" because if I went any farther with the lyrics it probably would have been considered Not Safe For Work and I can only IMAGINE what kind of conversation that would be like. 

"Kirbie, we noticed you were Googling the terms 'You've been a bad boy, a very bad boy, we'll have to punish you.' Care to explain?" Yeah, that's going to go real smooth.

Turns out I am not completely insane because the song exists, on Disney Channel, in a daytime movie entitled Mother Goose Rock 'n' Rhyme. I mean, they had some serious people in there: Cyndi Lauper, Woody Harrelson -- SHELLEY DUVALL. Shelley Duvall is the strangest woman I've ever seen but now that I think about it probably made up 90% of the shows I watched as a child. This movie in particular had this whole Pee Wee Herman vibe going on, which I was obviously very thrilled about considering Mom looped The Secret of Nimh, Pee Wee's Playhouse, Pee Wee's Big Adventure and Fraggle Rock on repeat most of the time. I could go into how each of these shows were crucial during my formative years and why they all probably scarred me for life, but I'll save that for another post.

Can we discuss this movie for a second? I actually sat and watched Parts 1-9 on Youtube and here are some thoughts:

  • This movie probably THE SOLE contributor to why I have frequent nightmares. 
  • I was completely oblivious that this movie had anything to do with "Rock 'n' Roll" as a child.
  • Mary's lamb is smoking a cigar the entire time (a.k.a Woody Harrelson). They (Disney) didn't kick that habit until after Lohan came about.
  • ZZ Top is involved in this sh*t show. They make this movie credible, otherwise "Rock 'n' Roll" would have been false advertising. 
  • I'm pretty sure there is a nude chick dancing behind a screen while the Spider's dancing around like he's at a rave, in a heavy drug-induced state. I mean, he even says he's a "free spirit." Turns out this dude is Ben Vereen, a veteran on Broadway, but he sure as hell sounds like Elmo.
  • OF COURSE Little Richard is in this. Just another Pee Wee's Playhouse reference to hang on to.
As for the song I've been looking for, I'm going to let the top-rated Youtube comment speak for itself:





First off, this screenshot is terrifying. Nightmare Central tonight. Second, this song is MY JAM. I don't know if this band is real or not but bloody hell, they should be. I plan on ripping this song off the internet and doing cardio to it for three hours straight. Also, somehow, they made a torture chamber kid-friendly in some capacity. Still scared the crap out of me but I loved the song so much that  I guess I didn't care. By the way, you're all welcome.  UPDATE: the giant black man at 1:37? That's Randy Jackson, folks. Yeah dawg!

Best quote? "Scary time is over, now it's HAPPY TIME!" or "Reality is a much bigger concept than I ever imagined!" Preach on, Little Bo Peep. Preach on.

How did they get so many people to do this? Go to iMDB and read up on this cast. Debbie Harry? Art Garfunkel? Bobby Brown? Paul Simon? Garry Shandling? Cheech Marin? Ridic. 

This movie is legitimately a diamond in the rough. I plan on finding it online, buying it on VHS, and showing it to my children in their early years. At least they'll have a solid appreciation for nursery rhymes, rock 'n roll, Disney, Shelley Duvall... and probably illegal Methamphetamines, because it's pretty much one giant drug trip.

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