Jan 26, 2012

Let me tell you about Mindy Kaling

BUY THIS NOW!

Are you there Mindy? It's me, Kirbie. Hi. I kind of decided you and I were probably conjoined twins, having shared a brain (and a limb or two), but somehow managed to separate and live two distinctly different lives... with different ethnicities.

So here's what's up. Minds, (do you mind if I call you that?), for those of you who don't know her, is THE SH*T. I don't know her either, but I "know" her through her book that I happened to recommend to the whole free world on Twitter and subsequently everyone loves me for. What can I say, I set trends when it comes to book recommendations. Anyway, her book made me laugh, made me cry, made me go, "SWEET BABY JESUS. THANK YOU! THANK YOU!"

For instance, the story about the guy she was supposed to go on the date with whom she primped so much for and he ditched her over text? That's a Mentervention if I've ever heard one. And the story about her college days and living in a box (pretty much) in NYC while trying to make it big? Soooo inspirational, Minds! 

Here are a few highlights from the book that really just touched my heart (and my funny bone). Like this one:

"So things were coming together nicely for me to embark on a full-fledged depression." -- After failing at life before getting a real job. I felt like this for two years when I moved out here. Still do, sometimes (not often. I don't need Lexapro or anything, sheesh).

She talks about how she would have an alias for hotels when she really hits it big -- hers being Gwendolyn Trundlebed, mine being Ariette Wintour, which I've had planned since like junior year of college (Molly can spot me on that one).  She mentions how, as a nanny, she would chat for hours with the little girl about which member of *NSYNC they'd want to marry -- and they always picked J.C. ME TOO, MINDY!!! And what's so bizarre is our reasoning is exactly the same: Justin couldn't be trusted, Joey's last name is Fat One, Lance was always the "best friend" and J.C. had good looks and the best voice of the group. I mean, if that doesn't qualify as a quality for a soul-mate, I don't know what does. (I'm referring to Mindy, not J.C., by the way.)

Also, people, please take heed to the following. And by people, I mean my best friends. There are rights and frankly obligations you have to me, and I have to you. So fulfill them. I will too. (Mindy came up with these, obvi.)

- "I will try to like your boyfriend five times. This is a fair number of times to hang out with your boyfriend and withhold judgment." Elise, I love you, so I should have told you I couldn't stand Jake while you were still dating him, because trust me, I gave him like 16 times and I still didn't like him. So I'm pretty psyched you both aren't together anymore.

- "If you're depressed, I will be there for you. As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends. I will be there for you during your horrible break-up, or getting fired from your job, or if you're just having a bad couple of months or year. I will hate it and find your really tedious, but I promise I won't abandon you." Now I tend to have more sympathy over breakups, so you all have some leverage on that one... but I have to include "1L-2L students" in the "most boring people category" because, well, Em, I love you but I'm REALLY SUPER HAPPY you're a 3L because now you have a social life, and that includes me seeing you on a regularly scheduled basis. :)

- "I will hate and re-like people for you. But you can't get mad if I can't keep track. Robby? Don't we hate him? No, we love him. Okay, okay. Sorry." I'm really great with hating and loving people on command. Except those people that I truly hate. You'll never get my love! However, friends, please take a moment and reconsider talking or associating with any of my ex boyfriends, unless you're directly related to them. I don't want to hear about how you bumped into them at the bar or hung out with him at the basketball game. How would you feel if I did that with your exes? Thank you for your cooperation. Also, I will never ask you to defriend an ex for my personal gratification -- don't ask me to do so either. That's just weird. Facebook friends? Cool. Going to his house party for the 4th of July? Not okay... unless I'm going and you're coming with for moral support.

MEN
You will have your day on Mentervention, as Mindy makes some excellent points that I need to discuss with you all. However, here are some highlights from her chapter "Guys Need to Do Almost Nothing to be Great" for the time being:

- Have a signature drink like James Bond.  I have blogged about women needing to know how to make a good cocktail -- guys, find a drink and make it yours. I don't care if it's a whisky and ginger ale or Shiner. Just find one and go with it. Please keep it manly.

- Own several pairs of dark-wash straight-leg jeans. DUH. I have posted about this so many times! Guys, light-wash jeans? They don't look good with really anything except a white Hanes tee. So fill up that wardrobe of yours with the sexiness that is a nice pair of dark-wash denim. Yum.

- When you think a girl looks pretty, say it.  For me, the jury's still out on the term "pretty." Like... flowers are pretty. So is the sunset. So is the ocean. So are diamonds... okay, fine, all of those things truly are pretty and maybe it would be nice to be compared to them. I think if you want to make a woman swoon, you tell her she's beautiful or gorgeous or stunning or something that's really like "POW! I think you're WAY ATTRACTIVE!" 
But anyway, Minds makes a great point by including how to compliment a woman. Don't be like, "Oh, wow, I like the way did your hair today!" Instead, say, "You look stunning." And don't compliment what we wear by complimenting the article of clothing, like "I like your skirt." Say, "You look like a knockout in that skirt!" See? Minor differences, but worth the effort, boys. 

I could literally go on and on about how fabulous Mindy is, but I will stop because my lids are getting heavy and I'm pretty sure I sound like a super creepster right now. But I leave you with this: Mindy, I used to work at Frederic Fekkai, and I remember you came in once and desperately needed product, but there was an issue with the valet, and it was major drama... and I'm sorry for that. I'M SORRY! I don't have any control over valet but I hope you got the shampoo and hairspray that you needed.

Xo,

Jan 22, 2012

NIGHT OF EPIC PROPORTIONS

If you know me (pretty much) at all, via Twitter, real life, or anything in between, I do not take myself seriously. Work? I take it seriously. Puppies? Take them very seriously. Blogging? Definitely. Myself? No. Not ever.

Granted most of you reading this are probably new Twitter followers... which I'll get to in a second. But let's be honest: I'm 25 and most people mistake me for 18. I'm a blond from Texas. My name is Kirbie. There are many things about me to not be taken seriously.

Therefore, tonight, when propositioned (not personally) to act like a complete idiot on Twitter in order to get a Twitter follow, I knew what I had to do. So basically here's what happened: somebody Tweeted my favorite person to follow on Twitter, @ChrissyTeigen, the following: "What would it take for you to follow?"

To which she responded:


To then, which she followed up with:



I happen to be at a surprise birthday with a bunch of coworkers when I see this. Not one to take a contest lightly, I tell Nat that I need a small plant... and immediately. Given we were in Tarzana and at a bachelor's home, we both knew finding a tiny potted plant for me to hold was pretty much out of the question. Therefore, I run my anus outside and break off a giant leaf from the (basically) amusement park of shrubbery going on, and bring it back to the ottoman I am sitting at so we can hold an impromptu photo sesh of me, scratching my armpit and acting like I had no teeth -- in front of 50 or so people -- fireside. 

This gem was the biproduct of quick thinking and throwing all poise to the wind. 



She's tweeted me a few times in the past, which was gratifying, but I like to go ALL OUT in all aspects of my life, and a simple response is not adequate enough. I want a true commitment that only Twitter can provide: a follow. (Hey, Katy unfollowed Russell, Demi unfollowed Ashton... following MEANS something.)

The best thing about this photo? I thought she meant "no teeth," but really she meant "smiling like a creeper, with no teeth showing." That's the sole reason I love Twitter. It's all up for interpretation. 

THEN ALL OF THIS HAPPENED:


Epic retweet time! 

(Notice how I favorited that tweet like a loser boss)


Welcome new followers (cough cough CHRISSY TEIGEN). 
That makes me sound like L. Ron Hubbard...


So what have we learned here? Too many things, but namely a) Twitter brings people together, b) I will do absolutely anything for Twitter followers (???????), c) there are celebrities who don't just retweet people who are like "OMG ROB KARDASHIAN I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES BECUZ UR SOOOOO SEXIIIIII" or "VANILLA ICE IS THE MAN, HE'S THE HARDEST WORKING DUDE IN THIS BIZ!!!!!!!!" and they actually make things fun and not self-indulgent. So thanks for that, celebrities on Twitter who aren't self-righteous, humorless twits. :)

UPDATE: 3/10/2014 Chrissy is, in fact, still following me on Twitter. Have I been muted? We'll never know. However, she started following me last week on Instagram, so I feel like a friendship (IRL) *might* be in the cards. Just sayin. If you want to learn how to get hot hair like CTeigs, check out my video tutorial with her stylist

NOTE: No plants were harmed in the making of this photo. Actually, one was. But I doubt it will miss one leaf. It should grow back in no time. I pretty much made that leaf's night because afterwards I put it in my hair as I danced to "Apache" by Sugarhill Gang with Nat. What leafs do you know that have had the opportunity to dance to APACHE?

Speaking of... videos of people dancing to this sh*t never gets old. Ever. Here are some Marines partaking in some Fresh Prince action, for your viewing pleasure.





Jan 19, 2012

'I get by with a little help from my friends'

I've turned into one of those people that doesn't have time to call their mother every day, check PerezHilton 45 times at work, and calls "going to the gym" a fun night out... on a weeknight, that is.

Work is marvelous, but I'm so busy that I find myself going, "Oh my Gosh. This is what it's like to have no life." Don't get me wrong -- I prayed that this day would come, that I was so immersed in my work that it didn't feel like work... that it would be considered fun -- but I remember when I first moved out here and how much time I had on my hands. I would email people persistently in hopes of networking and grabbing coffee, and maybe, just maybe, they'd help me get my 'dream job.' I always wondered why most of these people offered little advice or no responses, or had little time for me. "Why can't these people take a minute a help a minion like me out?" Well now I know: they had a job that actually counted on them.

Don't get me wrong. If I didn't show up for work at my other jobs, all hell would break loose. But all I did was show up, figure out some menial tasks and then proceed to blog/write for Examiner all day. Which worked out in my favor, obviously...

But really, the real world has called and informed me that everyone is too busy 'doing themselves' to care what you're going through. It's like that saying, "Nobody cares if you're sad, so you might as well be happy."

One thing I wanted to throw out there is this: please, never be too busy to help people out. I am so grateful for the wonderful friends and mentors I'm acquired since moving to LA, all of whom have helped me by offering advice or support in all of my endeavors. They are the ones that touched my heart and gave me confidence, while my family was miles away. I've gotten increasingly more emails lately asking for career advice, personal advice, etc just from getting this new gig -- which is great, I love that people consider me somewhat knowledgeable -- and I try to take the time to respond, even if I can't immediately. Make sure to find time to email those who email you, get that coffee with that person who has been asking you to go for awhile now, and forward a resume for a friend in dire need of a job. You never know who's day you'll make or how you might touch another person.

Enough sappy stuff though -- I have a new Mentervention coming called "Is it too much to ask to find a guy that's really f-cking excited to date me? Is it?" Title pending. It's going to be super hilarious (as usual -- just kidding! but really this time), based on true events, and will include references to Mindy Kaling's book (so read it)... plus a possible video blog to accompany it.

I will not neglect this blog anymore!!!!!

Jan 16, 2012

Time after time

I haven't done one of these in awhile, but Nat came over last night to watch the Golden Globes and we got to talking about church and what she learned yesterday morning.

John 11 talks about Lazarus' death and how Jesus delayed in saving him. Lazarus was dead when his sisters, Mary and Martha, requested Jesus' help in saving him. However, Jesus knew Lazarus was already dead, and instead of immediately going to save him and help, Jesus responded with a delay. He waited two days before doing anything. 

Jesus then decided to go to Judea and preach to Lazarus' family, even though it was unsafe for him to go there -- since the Jews wanted to stone him. 

In the end, Lazarus is raised from the dead by Jesus, and in doing this Jesus makes sure to do it in the Glory of God -- waiting four days to do so, making sure there was no hope of resuscitation. 

I bring this up because there are so many times in life where we want answers immediately, or we feel like we need help because we're at our darkest hour or lowest of low. However God sees these struggles as ways to really test your faith and see how strong it really is. Jesus could have easily saved Lazarus from afar, and he could have done so immediately, but timing was everything in order to prove God's glory.

Just remember when you think your life isn't moving as quickly as you'd like, or if something you really wanted doesn't end up working out, that timing is everything. Maybe God is protecting your from harm or heartache by ending a short-lived fling, or even a relationship that's been going on for years but isn't headed anywhere positive and isn't progressing as it should. Perhaps he knows you're going to be too busy throwing yourself into work to date, or maybe he has someone in mind for you and doesn't want you wasting your time on someone else.

I know dating as a 20-something can be really tough! And ladies, I know how exciting it is to date someone you're attracted to and has qualities you like and admire. But sometimes those people are brought in and out of your life quickly to show you what else is out there. So don't dwell on what went wrong or why things didn't work out. Just learn and get excited for the future God has planned for you.

Maybe you still need to learn a few things before you get that job you really want, or that pay raise you desperately need. You could be at the job you're at for years in order to be a testament to a coworker in need, or to help make your mark in a coworker's life. Perhaps you lost your job because you weren't happy and you weren't doing anything about it, and God is going to help you go after your true passion. All of these situations are in your best interest, even if you can't see that at the time!

I don't know what God's plans are exactly, but I do know that they are always good, and it's in our best interest not to question Him, doubt Him, fear what we don't know and worry over things we have no control over. 

God wants us to be excited about the possibilities of the future, and you need to be thrilled with the idea that you are capable of having a vibrant, enthusiastic, thrilling life -- even when it doesn't seem to look that way at a certain point in your life. Expect the good and it will come to you!

Let God's timing -- not your own -- rule your life.


Jan 14, 2012

"Ice cream makes me cough"

I know my blog is still Christmas themed but Mama needs some TIME to revamp it, considering it took me two hours to do the change in the first place. Have patience. Don't be mad at the festiveness. It's like keeping the white Christmas lights hanging in your room all year long to set the mood... yeah.

ANYWAY there is an epidemic going on and we really need to take a second and recognize it. "We" being women. As hilarious and true the "Shit Girls Say" videos are, can we admit to the fact that having videos with a man dressed as a woman, saying things that practically EVERY WOMAN SAYS, is a problem? This is a may-jah issue. Here's why.

Sure, it's a stereotype, but the thing that doesn't make it a stereotype is that every woman has said a thing or two in these videos -- and often. Actually... that's what a stereotype is in the first place, so nevermind. In fact, these videos bond women together because as we watch we're like, "Oh my God, I DO need a new Facebook pic!" or "Wow that's so something Molly would say" or our computer will have meltdown during the video and we'll start calling our most technology-advanced friend to see if they can work a computer decently. (Which is actually me in most cases.)

So while this is a great team-building exercise, this is pretty much a travesty for women because now all guys can pinpoint exactly how all of us act. Isn't that sad? What happened to being UNIQUE!? Granted I will always, at any bar I go to, ask if so and so is drinking a mojito because they're my favorite, and my standard response to any boy-induced drama is "get it together," but seriously... we need to liven things up for men. Make things exciting. Differentiate ourselves from this societal norm we have created amongst ourselves: to be completely oblivious, somewhat idiotic and overly obsessed with weight, dating, and fashion.

Now I'm not saying you have to go cold turkey. If you have a shoe problem -- and who doesn't, let's be honest -- try turning on ESPN and getting acquainted with who Tim Tebow plays for, or who might be a potential qualifier to play in the Super Bowl (it's the Broncos re: Tim and GREEN BAY!!!! Just FYI). If you are depressed because you don't have a boyfriend, I strongly advise you get your ass to a gym and get a hot body and stop wondering... and then go out and have a girls' night and try not to take 7,000 photos for Facebook. In fact, try not to even TWEET that night. It will be tough but I have faith in you. And, if you really want to for the gold, just stop drinking. I know this is an astonishing thought but perhaps giving up alcohol will make you realize that you have more to offer in life than acting like a superficial ignoramus. 

Anyway... let's keep enjoying these gems while somewhat striving to improve our image. 

THAT POOR DOG NEEDS WATER!



Jan 13, 2012

Dress you UP IN MY LOVE...

Well hello there stranger! I guess I have self-diagnosed insomnia because it's 12:54 AM and I'm watching Tabitha's Salon Takeover, engaging in Youtube videos and writing this blog... obviously.

This is a video intensive post. Actually, this post is to show my declaration of LOVE for a certain YouTuber. How I never have seen Jenna Marbles' work before yesterday is truly some kind of sick joke because I AM OBSESSED WITH HER.

She's hilarious. (You guys know my weakness is for naturally witty, funny humans.) Her videos are cut perfectly. She has maybe the cutest dogs ever, behind Toby and Harley (RIP boys) -- here's the first video I saw her in. Note: If profanity isn't your thing... I can't guarantee you'll like this video.


While I might not be a slut on Halloween... I give her credit. Well said.

Then I found THESE GEMS and FTLOG (For The Love Of God -- it's going to catch on...) get her a tv show!!!!!!


"And for boys... any underwear that will turn you into Ryan Reynolds? You're going to get laid."



This reminds me of when I would run around the house, chasing Toby, singing "Tobinizer" (to the tune of Britney's "Womanizer") or "You can run you can hide but you can't escape my WUB!!!" (to the tune of Enrique's "Escape.") And true... guys, if you have an animal voice? FIND ME.



Silent laughter until I cried and couldn't breathe. Enough said. Amazing. 

And on a completely unrelated Jenna Marbles note, my first video with BellaSugar was posted yesterday. Wahoooooooooooooo!!! Subscribe to the channel if you dare...




Jan 5, 2012

What you missed on Twitter last night

Still not on Twitter? WHY? Truly, it boggles my simple mind when people tell me they're still hacking around on Facebook but wont get a Twitter.

I remember in 2009 when I got my Twitter, and my mind was blown. I was so obsessed with celebrity culture and now I could actually reach out to execs, publicists, companies, brands & (you guessed it) celebrities I wanted to work with!

90% of the beauty contacts I make? On Twitter! I tweet how to be added to their media lists and the brand or person will follow & direct message me info.

ANYWAY, get on Twitter. I found out Bin Laden was dead via Twitter, Justin Timberlake was engaged, and half of the sports stats I retain -- all on Twitter, because I'm not glued to my computer or TV like I am my phone.

So what did you miss on the Twittersphere last night? Last time on this blog segment, Ashton Kutcher was causing a riot and some idiot was telling me Joe Paterno wasn't in the wrong because he is (was) a college football coach.

This time, Kanye West spent an hour tweeting tweets of epic proportion, regarding education and ideation. I have to say I actually agree with him on some things, which concerns me because I have to wonder if I'm turning into an egotistical, attention-seeking, pompous ass and will start dating a bald stripper anytime soon... (still love Yeezy, regardless of his poor, poor judgment.)

Like private art schools or military camps, kids should be given four basic cores and everything else should be major-oriented. No need to fulfill certain "requirements" to make a well-rounded student. If a kid hates sports and is stupendous at math, leave the child BE! Let him frolic in math courses and go on to rock some kind of BBA program instead of wasting his time with nutrition or some BS class that is simply a requirements and not meant to benefit him in his business endeavors. Further, nutrition courses in high school are pretty much taught by walking, talking geese. So if the kid is actually interested in making nutrition a career, please find an expert to teach the class and not someone who simply read the book assigned to the course!







(two cents over)

Best part of these "epic tweets" is that everyone on the Twittersphere was talking about it. We are the world, we are the children...







I encourage you to read Ye's tweets here.

And then E! posted a pic of Britney Spears in what appears to be her bathroom, and all I can think of is HOLY CRAP GET ME THAT NAIL POLISH STAND instead of looking at her ring, which is invisible, yet the point of E!'s post.



And that's what you missed on Twittahhhh.

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Jan 4, 2012

Idle hands

For anyone who gives two craps about this blog, you're probably wondering why I've been slacking on the posts. I know, my writing is crack-cocaine to some people. I've been putting a few of you through withdrawal and for that I recommend you see a doctor...

All kidding aside, this is my baby, so I'm not quitting it any time soon. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I won't be doing any beauty (well, minimal is a better word) on here anymore. Bittersweet, but for good reason.

(This is no secret if you follow me on Twitter...) I recently quit my job because after two looooong months of anxiety and anticipation, I can finally tell everyone that I'm now Beauty Expert, Host & Reporter for BellaSugar.com!!!

I'm SO excited about this opportunity because it takes my love of writing and allows me to apply it towards creating scripts, and I get to use my journalism skills to interview people in an industry I love: BEAUTY! Furthermore, I'll be giving my own two cents for product reviews and how-tos, but instead of writing articles, I'll be doing it all on video for the site!

Check it out if you haven't. I'm feeling really blessed to be a part of all this. I've been training up in SF all week and Sugar Inc. is really going to kick ass and take names later this year. I'm a social media geek, so it's been cool to see how a relevant website, who gets millions of page views, works and operates! It's also been cool to see that the analytics I've done for this blog are being used by big companies as well. I have been doing SOMETHING right!

More importantly, I'm so eager to learn. There's a ton of info that is brand new to me, and I can't wait until I've learned it all so we can pump out fun, fresh content -- all in the name of beauty.

I've definitely been bitten by the bug! I adore working in front of the camera and can't wait to get more experience.

Anyway, this blog will be focused more on Hollywood happenings, social commentary and 20-something revelations, which was it's first intended purpose. Back to my roots, I guess?

I'll post videos and share links when they're up!

Xo,
Kirbie

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