Jan 26, 2012

Let me tell you about Mindy Kaling


Are you there Mindy? It's me, Kirbie. Hi. I kind of decided you and I were probably conjoined twins, having shared a brain (and a limb or two), but somehow managed to separate and live two distinctly different lives... with different ethnicities.

So here's what's up. Minds, (do you mind if I call you that?), for those of you who don't know her, is THE SH*T. I don't know her either, but I "know" her through her book that I happened to recommend to the whole free world on Twitter and subsequently everyone loves me for. What can I say, I set trends when it comes to book recommendations. Anyway, her book made me laugh, made me cry, made me go, "SWEET BABY JESUS. THANK YOU! THANK YOU!"

For instance, the story about the guy she was supposed to go on the date with whom she primped so much for and he ditched her over text? That's a Mentervention if I've ever heard one. And the story about her college days and living in a box (pretty much) in NYC while trying to make it big? Soooo inspirational, Minds! 

Here are a few highlights from the book that really just touched my heart (and my funny bone). Like this one:

"So things were coming together nicely for me to embark on a full-fledged depression." -- After failing at life before getting a real job. I felt like this for two years when I moved out here. Still do, sometimes (not often. I don't need Lexapro or anything, sheesh).

She talks about how she would have an alias for hotels when she really hits it big -- hers being Gwendolyn Trundlebed, mine being Ariette Wintour, which I've had planned since like junior year of college (Molly can spot me on that one).  She mentions how, as a nanny, she would chat for hours with the little girl about which member of *NSYNC they'd want to marry -- and they always picked J.C. ME TOO, MINDY!!! And what's so bizarre is our reasoning is exactly the same: Justin couldn't be trusted, Joey's last name is Fat One, Lance was always the "best friend" and J.C. had good looks and the best voice of the group. I mean, if that doesn't qualify as a quality for a soul-mate, I don't know what does. (I'm referring to Mindy, not J.C., by the way.)

Also, people, please take heed to the following. And by people, I mean my best friends. There are rights and frankly obligations you have to me, and I have to you. So fulfill them. I will too. (Mindy came up with these, obvi.)

- "I will try to like your boyfriend five times. This is a fair number of times to hang out with your boyfriend and withhold judgment." Elise, I love you, so I should have told you I couldn't stand Jake while you were still dating him, because trust me, I gave him like 16 times and I still didn't like him. So I'm pretty psyched you both aren't together anymore.

- "If you're depressed, I will be there for you. As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends. I will be there for you during your horrible break-up, or getting fired from your job, or if you're just having a bad couple of months or year. I will hate it and find your really tedious, but I promise I won't abandon you." Now I tend to have more sympathy over breakups, so you all have some leverage on that one... but I have to include "1L-2L students" in the "most boring people category" because, well, Em, I love you but I'm REALLY SUPER HAPPY you're a 3L because now you have a social life, and that includes me seeing you on a regularly scheduled basis. :)

- "I will hate and re-like people for you. But you can't get mad if I can't keep track. Robby? Don't we hate him? No, we love him. Okay, okay. Sorry." I'm really great with hating and loving people on command. Except those people that I truly hate. You'll never get my love! However, friends, please take a moment and reconsider talking or associating with any of my ex boyfriends, unless you're directly related to them. I don't want to hear about how you bumped into them at the bar or hung out with him at the basketball game. How would you feel if I did that with your exes? Thank you for your cooperation. Also, I will never ask you to defriend an ex for my personal gratification -- don't ask me to do so either. That's just weird. Facebook friends? Cool. Going to his house party for the 4th of July? Not okay... unless I'm going and you're coming with for moral support.

You will have your day on Mentervention, as Mindy makes some excellent points that I need to discuss with you all. However, here are some highlights from her chapter "Guys Need to Do Almost Nothing to be Great" for the time being:

- Have a signature drink like James Bond.  I have blogged about women needing to know how to make a good cocktail -- guys, find a drink and make it yours. I don't care if it's a whisky and ginger ale or Shiner. Just find one and go with it. Please keep it manly.

- Own several pairs of dark-wash straight-leg jeans. DUH. I have posted about this so many times! Guys, light-wash jeans? They don't look good with really anything except a white Hanes tee. So fill up that wardrobe of yours with the sexiness that is a nice pair of dark-wash denim. Yum.

- When you think a girl looks pretty, say it.  For me, the jury's still out on the term "pretty." Like... flowers are pretty. So is the sunset. So is the ocean. So are diamonds... okay, fine, all of those things truly are pretty and maybe it would be nice to be compared to them. I think if you want to make a woman swoon, you tell her she's beautiful or gorgeous or stunning or something that's really like "POW! I think you're WAY ATTRACTIVE!" 
But anyway, Minds makes a great point by including how to compliment a woman. Don't be like, "Oh, wow, I like the way did your hair today!" Instead, say, "You look stunning." And don't compliment what we wear by complimenting the article of clothing, like "I like your skirt." Say, "You look like a knockout in that skirt!" See? Minor differences, but worth the effort, boys. 

I could literally go on and on about how fabulous Mindy is, but I will stop because my lids are getting heavy and I'm pretty sure I sound like a super creepster right now. But I leave you with this: Mindy, I used to work at Frederic Fekkai, and I remember you came in once and desperately needed product, but there was an issue with the valet, and it was major drama... and I'm sorry for that. I'M SORRY! I don't have any control over valet but I hope you got the shampoo and hairspray that you needed.


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