Feb 27, 2013

Why This Subaru Commercial Proves I'm Not Having Children

Take a moment and watch this Subaru commercial:

I remember seeing this, I think, during the Superbowl? I can't remember. But I do remember how I literally lost my shit tonight while I was sitting on my bed, enjoying a shrimp cocktail and then this commercial came on E! Lost. my. shit.

To some people, I can come off a little cold and stand-offish (it's the Capricorn way); I feel like most people know me as someone who is empathetic, sensitive to others feelings and likes to give lots of hugs. Well Fuzzy Kirbie was alive and well tonight because HELLO, DO YOU SEE THIS CHILD'S ACTING PERFORMANCE? Her little face at :05 is all I needed for full-on waterworks. Don't blame this on lady troubles, that's not what's happening here. The look of anxiety and a little bit of fear on her face after "Dad" asks her if she's excited just kills me. If my child made that face as I was waiting to see them off to their first day of Kindergarten, I would be like, "Screw it. You're staying home. FOREVER." And then my child would be illiterate, anti-social and I will have ruined their life. Basically I find this as a tried and true sign that I am not supposed to have children, as my emotional attachment to this child — that I have never met and will never meet — has made me an emotional wreck this Wednesday night. 

Also, we should acknowledge the fact that this child actor is the Meryl Streep of, well, child actors. Was she really feeling anxious? Was she having a ball on that school bus? It sure looked like it. Bravo young Meryl, bravo.

To all of the parents who ever had to see their children go off to Kindergarten, and for those parents who are about to endure that torture — here's to you. I don't even have kids and I can't deal with this commercial. Well, I can... just not without sobbing silently alone in my room. 


stjoan said...

You are so right on about this commercial and the little girl. I think the dad did a pretty good job too. The casting people should get a bonus!

Unknown said...

Kirbie you are so on target with this, Kirbie I did the same exact thing when I send my boy on his frist day to school. Today he is 20 I taught him to be safe and responsible we gave him a GT Mustang 2007! Just like I had in 77' today I'm getting A lot back! I enjoy it more now than I ever did!...

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