Jul 19, 2013

"Just do something that takes you back to the roots of your passion."

I am not writing this for attention. If you see this, it's because you free-willingly came to this page. I will not promote this, because I feel like it's a delicate topic that needs to be discussed.

When Glee first premiered, I remember how I felt: whimsical. I had just landed in LA a few days before, and I watched with my new roommates. I was experiencing Hollywood for the first time. It was all so new, and exciting, and full of opportunities! Hollywood Boulevard! Melrose! The Chateau! Beverly Hills! I will fondly look back at this time in my life and remember those feelings of anxiousness and hope and desire to fulfill my dream — and a lot of those feelings had Glee as their soundtrack. It's the truth. After they performed "Don't Stop Believin,'" I was hooked.  

I'd listen to the cover of 'Fire' and 'Jump' on the treadmill in the mornings. And once, at the gym, Jane Lynch walked into the girls' locker room and I got this fatass grin across my face out of pure giddiness. I actually fist pumped one Wednesday night on the treadmill (sensing a pattern here? And damn, I worked out so much more then than I do now...) when the chords for "Jesse's Girl" started and Finn broke into song. I thought the Madonna episode was brilliant. And I, sometimes, would fantasize about singing karaoke and Ryan Murphy bringing me on the show. What type of character would I play?

Everyone on the show was truly, purely talented, and everything was so damn catchy. (I've checked out since the original cast graduated.) So what's not to love? It just made me feel good, and it made me feel a sense of normalcy in a place that wasn't normal or familiar. It's a show about underdogs who tried to beat the odds; now the show is about going after your dreams. I felt similar when I first moved out here: the odds are against me. There are better people out there going after my same dream. Then I would walk to the grocery store with my headphones in and listen to the cast's version of "Somebody to Love" and I reminded myself that these people just scored a huge hit TV show on FOX... and to keep going. It sounds dumb, but whatever works, right?

I know so many others call the show cheesy, but for people who enjoy music, comedy and a tear jerker at times, this show was a huge part of my life at one point. A huge part of my first beginnings as an adult, really. And a nice way to get away from reality, too.

So all that being said, I am sad about the passing of Cory Monteith. Mostly, I am sympathetic towards those who loved him, and lost such a huge part of their heart. I know how it feels to have someone taken away by drugs. My situation is a bit different than this one, but the pain that drugs took away a life is consistent. I can't imagine being his sibling, or his parent, or his girlfriend. It makes my heart hurt to think about. And, while I know this isn't the bigger issue, but how will this show survive? How can they address this without it being insensitive or odd? If I were Lea Michele, I don't think I could mentally, emotionally or physically return to a show that was dependent, so heavily, on an on-camera relationship that I had with my off-screen boyfriend. I'm sure she is devastated. I'm sure she will think, "this time last week, he was alive." "This time two weeks ago, we did _____." And I'm sure any future plans they may have had prepared, like trips, or events, will be excrutiating to deal with when they come and go. And as a 26-year-old woman in Hollywood, much like Lea, I have the deepest amount of empathy for her. 

My heart goes out to his roommates as well, people who have always been kind to me; who have always offered any help and advice possible. Mostly, they are good people, and they don't deserve to deal with this.

However, while I feel like death should cause a reaction and conjure up emotion — even if you don't know the person — I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the person who lost his life.

It's such a small world here in Hollywood. Through friends, I met Cory, and some of his close friends ended up becoming some of my favorite people here in LA. Let me be clear: I didn't interact with him much, but he was always kind, and always polite. I won the Halloween costume contest at the party he and his roommates threw when they lived at the Marble Mansion, as they liked to call it. (I still own the trophy. I'm looking at it from my bed. Best award ever.) But I think a telling memory about Cory's spirit is this: I met him at a girlfriend's birthday dinner, and we all were having a good time. The bill came, and there were probably 15 of us, and we were trying to split things up. Cory excused himself from the table, and when he came back, he smiled. "Let's go!" He took care of the bill because he didn't want everyone to stress and waste time about getting the right amount of cash for the total.

If you read anything about his death, you probably read that he was generous and a good person, and hopefully that little story only adds to his legacy.

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