Jan 6, 2014

Things The Bachelor Has Taught Me

I say this every season, but The Bachelor/ette franchise was a hard sell for me. I hated the idea of this show and thought it was ridiculous. But that is why I came to love it! Because hey, if you can't watch other people embarrass themselves on the quest for true love, what hope do you have for your own love life?

Juan Pablo's season is getting off to a weird start. There are a variety of things that concern me, but I've also been enlightened as well. Here's what The Bachelor has taught me thus far:

- Are they lacking in PA's or what? As producer extraordinaire, Carla, pointed out, what is that woman doing pushing her own piano? Can they not hire a PA to organize that whole ordeal or what? Fail.
- Your passions and self-imposed titles also serve as job titles, too! Do you have a passion for dogs? Well you, my friend, are a professional dog lover. Consider yourself a free spirit? Write that on your resumé and call it a day. Based on this fact alone, I am not only a host and producer, but professional Tweeter, Zumba participant, One Direction fan, thigh slapper and Chai Latte aficianado. 
- If you're trying to stand out and impress a dude, don't. You'll end up looking like an idiot with your 'unique' entrance. Act normal and make the impression later. (This includes rolling in a piano, wearing no shoes, bringing a dog... just knock it off.)
- Getting hammed at a cocktail party can result in one of two things: crying or sex. Maybe both. Get your game face on and learn to control your emotions and handle your alcohol before deciding to embark on a quest for true love.

That being said, I've spent approximatley 95% of my time this year (we're six days in, PS) saying "I'm a grown woman!" to anyone that will listen, so I think it's safe to say I'm ready to get serious about true love. Therefore it's time for my own season of The Bachelorette. As Carla also pointed out, the only way to get serious about your love life is reality tv. She's producing, and Heather is casting 25 eligible men for a journey to remember in Palm Springs. Yeah, we're moving locations, what up. Oh, also, instead of being offered a rose, you're getting offered eggs benedict. Because who doesn't like breakfast any time of the day? If you are gluten and dairy-free, we can accommodate, but if you aren't a breakfast person, I'l have some serious reservations. So be prepared to accept my eggs benny. (Thank you Kat for the inspiration.) 


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