(I made that one up.)
But isn't it the truth? When it comes to finding "the one," many say to take trips that require flights so you can see if your significant other can really hack it. Nothing like high altitudes, screaming babies and delayed flights to prove if it's true love or not.
I've gotten flying down to a science, so my experiences are relatively stress-free. However, that doesn't mean there aren't loads of imbeciles that plague the flying experience. And now, apparently "Air Rage" is a thing. I believe it. I've seen perfectly sane, tactful men and women turn into bona fide psychopaths on airplanes.
Perhaps we can eradicate random acts of insanity and keep the peace if we can we all agree that these things need to stop happening. Immediately.
1. Moving excessively.
I know this sounds a little strict, but all you should be doing is sitting in your seat. That's it. Novel concept, right? Pull out your computer, take a nap — whatever. Don't start aggressively pressing the touch-screen in front of you. Don't turn around and talk to your friends in the row behind you. Because regardless of if you're bothering the people immediately to the front of you or beside you, wiggling affects the rows around you, too. Just sit down already!
2. Not waiting your turn.
This peeves me more than anything else. There's a reason why there are numbered rows and aisles:
A) To stop the chaos when it comes to taking your seat and
B) To allow a safe, orderly exit from the plane.
If you are in the row behind me, do not try to squeeze in front of me once we land and the seat belt sign turns off. I am in front of you, therefore, you shall wait for me to gather my things and let exit the plane in peace. Just because you were in Group 1 onto the plane doesn't mean you're in Group 1 off. If you are in the back, sorry about it, but you get to wait until the rows ahead of you clear.
There are so many times that I'm on a flight and people from the back of the plane start stampeding towards the front. In one case, a family was going to miss a connection, so some people in front of us let them through as a courtesy and because they're human beings with beating hearts. But this caused the domino effect, and soon almost everyone from the back was trying to bypass us. I finally stood in the middle of the aisle to block the flow of traffic, let the people in front of me gather their belongings, and then exited myself. Is it that hard to wait your turn? Didn't wear learn these manners during our formative years?
3. Asking for the window seat.
Just don't, unless you're offering a better option. (Which, in this case, would be an aisle seat towards the front of the plane of something in first class.) Chances are, the person you're asking paid extra money for the window, or got lucky. They want to stay there. If you ask to switch seats because you have a small child, I would understand, but only if that small child was separated from you originally.
I watched a woman ask a passenger to take her middle seat across the row so she could sit next to her friend, taking the window seat. The woman obliged begrudgingly — and I would too.
4. Hot foods.
I don't want to smell Schlotzky's or pulled pork for the duration of my flight.
5. Taking over the row.
If you're in the middle seat, you have to be observant of those beside you. Just because you're stuck in the middle doesn't give you the freedom sprawl out...
And with all of these commandments followed, flying should be friendly as can be.
This post was sponsored by my friends at Yahoo! Travel. Thanks, guys!