Apr 20, 2016

If Spin Classes Were Kardashians

I get asked about spin class a lot. Perhaps it’s an LA/NY thing, but everyone wants to know my preferred studio. Frankly, spin drives me nuts because I don’t think I set up my bike very well and I always end up effing up my knees. 

A few weeks ago, I went to a spin class, and I got irrationally mad during it. I was so pissed off that I considered walking out. It was SO HOT. And not like, "I FEEL THE BURN!" It was more, “why am I suffocating after two songs?” Granted, I am not the beacon of physical fitness that I used to be, but I’m pretty sure I’m not the type of person who is on the verge of passing out after 6 minutes of double tapbacks, either.

This got me thinking about individual studios in the area and which Kardashian they remind me of. (During my rage, I apparently do a great job ideating content.) So I took off my shirt, removed all the resistance off my bike and began to compare.

@kimkardashian
SoulCycle is Kim
SoulCycle is what put spinning on the map. Oh, you thought it was the Tour de France? Yeah right. If SoulCycle is Kim, Tour de France is Paris Hilton. Sure, it was the first, technically – since spin is meant to mimic cycling. Sure, it’s an institution. But SoulCycle is trendy. The studio is sexy. It’s a luxury studio that people want to be apart of. It’s not necessarily better than other studios, but it costs more, so people associate it with being better.
But it’s vain as hell. Sometimes I go into a class and I’m like… what are these instructors on? (Side note: why is it that every spin instructor sounds like they have nose plugs in? Same with flight attendants. Never ceases to amaze me that I cannot understand a word anyone is saying in spin class or on flights.) The spin instructors are supposed to be motivating, but sometimes their chants and mantras are so ridiculous, you wonder if they even believe themselves. Like when Kim went on a tangent about her own pregnancy when Kendall, her 20-year-old sister called to confess she was with child. (It was a prank.)
There’s also the religious component associated with SoulCycle: to some, it’s a spiritual experience to be apart of. I’ll let you make all the Yeezus comparisons for yourself.
And finally? it’s pretty. It doesn’t smell at SoulCycle. The music is (usually) legit. You feel good knowing you went to a $40 spin class and didn’t break both of your kneecaps. And you want to keep going back, even if it’s shameless.

@khloekardashian
FlyWheel is Khloé
I love Khloé, but that’s not why I picked her as FlyWheel. FlyWheel keeps you accountable. I believe in Flywheel. When I go to a class, the instructors are relatable — smoking hot, but relatable. When they push me, I feel compelled to work harder; not tell them to piss off. They look out for you: with your power pack and class standings, you are able keep yourself in check; a little healthy competition never hurt anyone. And we know how much KoKo loves a good reality check. Also, you’re not working out blindly! If you’re falling behind, Flywheel lets you know with the help of those power packs. And the music is similar to SoulCycle in that the playlists a curated to help you stay the path. You walk away feeling invigorated, not like you're getting duped into some hokey workout.

@kyliejenner
CycleHouse is Kylie
I like Kylie, so it kind of pains me to associate her with CycleHouse. Some of my friends have gotten amazing results by going to CH five days a week (lord help me), but I’ve never been able to get into it. I have tried rather hard to make it happen for me, and it just hasn’t. CycleHouse is a unique concept because they donate two meals to those in need for each class you attend, and I love the charitable approach to their business. But why is their studio always hotter than three hells? 
Once, an instructor read my mind and said, “Yes, the AC is on, y'all are just working so hard!” Lady, I wasn’t born yesterday. We’re two-and-a-half songs in. I shouldn’t feel like I’m in a chokehold at this point. (This was the class that pissed me off.) TURN THE AC ON — I didn't sign up for hot yoga. People are going to sweat regardless. Don’t cut the air circulation in order to make people feel like they’re getting a better workout. That drives me mad. 
I know this was the case because towards the end of the class, the AC actually did kick on, and while I was sweating my ass off, I could feel air circulating through the studio. Probably the hardest 3 ½ minutes I worked the entire class.

That said, CycleHouse is the new kid on the block. It goes hard – it’s definitely the most gangster studio. Nichelle and Aaron are great motivators, and I’ve spun to hardcore rap every time I booked a class there, so if that’s your jam, you’ll love this place. It got a little overexposed with the debut of a reality show last year, but overall it’s just a studio that wants to make you feel (and look) good. It could end up being the most profitable studio of all, thanks to the charity component. 

1 comment:

RosieLart said...

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